Candles
by youpromisedme
Summary: When Katniss Everdeen and her boyfriend Gale Hawthorne begin sleeping together, Katniss realizes that she has no idea what she is doing. Conflicted and aiming to please, she enlists the sexual help of Peeta Mellark for all of the wrong reasons. Based upon the song "Candles" by Daughter. Everlark and partially Everthorne.
1. a mind of thoughts and secrecy

**Author's note.**

_I own nothing to do with The Hunger Games and this will be based on the song Candles - or at least my interpretation of it. Check it out if you want, it's by Daughter and I really like it; I'd suggest you do so before actually reading. I hope you enjoy and review and all that jazz!_

_Everthorne and Everlark and rated M for the frick-frack which mostly comes into play in the next chapter._

* * *

SHE STANDS AT the end of the bed, and without taking her eyes away from him, she slowly pulls her t-shirt up her body and off. It falls from her fingers and flutters to the carpet where it sits next to her jeans and sneakers. In her underwear, she takes a shuddering breath and crawls up the bed towards him.

When she reaches him his lips attack her jaw and she allows her eyes to flutter closed as he devours her. Her hand slips around the back of his neck and he leaves bruises with his mouth as he runs his lips down her skin. Her fingers find his hair, tugging at the roots, and though it feels good, she can't take her mind away from the fact that she is about to lose her virginity - at Gale's place; on his bed; with his Mom Hazelle downstairs making dinner, something they will be eating in about half an hour. The setting isn't exactly romantic but Katniss isn't going to turn it down.

Gale pulls away and for a moment they simply look at each other as if unsure what to do, and then he asks, "Are you okay?" to which she nods, and he resumes his kissing. She tries to distract herself but closing her eyes again and losing herself with his mouth but her heart pounds too furiously against her chest for her to relax. She has spent the week preparing for this moment and she refuses to destroy it with nerves. Nevertheless, she's scared, but everybody is scared on their first time, right?

"I can feel you shaking," Gale murmurs against her skin, and she releases a trembling, awkward burst of laughter which cuts off with a horrible gurgling noise. "Katniss," Gale looks almost concerned when he pulls away to study her again. "If you don't want to do-"

"Gale," She interrupts, "kiss me."

Their mouths connect and his tongue skirts over hers. She pushes her body eagerly against his and they fall onto the duvet entwined. Their lips hungrily connect over and over, and she tries to ignore the thumping of her pulse in each of her fingertips and how her head swirls with every mild movement of her body.

His fingers fiddle with the back of her bra and he manages to snap it off. The garment slaps against her skin before falling from her body and she nervously yanks it down her arms, avoiding his gaze, and drops the bra to the floor. She expects him to make some kind of cheesy comment on her breasts but he doesn't. Instead, he yanks down his boxer shorts and she pushes down her panties. She's not exactly sure how this is going to work – is she on top or underneath him, will he go gentle or fast, what will happen if she wants to stop, what will she say? She swallows hard when he crawls on top of her and keeps his body raised over hers with his arms. He looks straight into her eyes when he asks, "Are you ready?"

Maybe she isn't. Maybe it's not too late to back out. But she doesn't want too. All of her friends have had sex. Madge, Delly... that's the extent of her relationships, sure, but they both _have_. She wants something to talk about with them instead of interjecting flat comments about subjects she doesn't know anything about and listening as they squeal about oral and French kissing. Since when did sex become such a big deal, anyway? But now here she is, about to do _it_, and she is ready. Or at least has spent the past week convincing herself she is.

"Yes," She lies, "but go slow, okay?"

A condom is ripped; she hears the foil. She also hears him swear under his breath as he struggles to roll it on and is pleased that she is not the only one who is inexperienced. Though Gale had admitted that he had been given oral from some girl in the year below them at high school, he had told her that was the extent of it. She hopes it's true because she wants the comfort that someone else is just as afraid as her.

With a slow roll of his hips, Katniss grips the sheets underneath her, releasing the breath that had been trapped in her chest. It escapes from her lips with a wheeze. The pain is not so bad – more of a dull roar up her belly, nothing she can't handle – it's more of the uncomfortable feeling of being stretched that causes her to say, "Wait a minute." Gale gives an uncertain nod and looks at her face as she takes several shuddering breaths. For some reason, this was not what she had been expecting. Does this happen to everybody else? The sensation is tight and mildly painful, and she waits a few moments for it to slowly ebb away before continuing with, "Yeah, I think you can..." She doesn't finish.

He moves his hips in a jerky fashion, and neither of them speaks. Katniss allows her body to shift awkwardly up the mattress with each of his drives and she listens to his slight grunts wondering whether she should be making the same noises. She knows she'd feel like a fool if she did so she keeps her lips shut, trying to concentrate on whether losing her virginity feels good. She's not entirely sure. It's... new; unfamiliar; foreign. When Gale asks her how she feels, she isn't sure how to respond, so she doesn't.

She knows that he has come when he stops moving his hips and for a while, they remain encased in silence. Katniss isn't entirely sure what to think or say, so she avoids Gale's glance when he pulls out and takes the condom off. She reaches over the duvet to get her panties and she slips them on, and when he turns around again after throwing the knotted condom into the wastebin by his bed, she is half-dressed.

She expects some words of comfort, maybe, for no particular reason, but all Gale does is sweep back his black hair, cough, and say, "I know you were going to stay for dinner, but, I mean, I think you should probably go." Katniss picks up her t-shirt and slips it over her head, shoving her bra into her rucksack which was on his bedside table. "I mean, I know that... but it might be a bit awkward, you know? After..."

"Right," Katniss hastily agrees, brushing out her hair with her fingers before beginning to re-braid it. "No, I get it." Despite understanding, she can't help but feel a little twang of longing or something more. Does he regret sleeping with her? Is she more inexperienced than he expected? She wonders whether she should say something, but all she can focus on is the mild pain in her belly and how she _just had sex_. She isn't as excited as she expected herself to be. The whole thing, in the end, seemed kind of... boring; over-rated. And sex is something she can't see herself doing a whole lot, especially not with her exams coming up. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, right? I'll wait for you at our usual place?" She pulls on her shoes, lacing them up quickly so she can exit the house as soon as possible.

Their usual place is a large boulder that sits on a small patch of grass by a pitchfork fence near the local bakery, run by the Mellark family who live a couple of blocks away from her place. "Sure," Gale says, wiping his hands on his t-shirt which he hastily yanks over his head. "I guess I'll... see you tomorrow then."

"See you tomorrow," She repeats faintly as she swings her rucksack onto her shoulder. "Bye, Gale." She heads out of his bedroom door without looking at him and feels her eyes sting as she heads down the stairs. Forgetting to throw a quick "thanks" in Hazelle's direction, she goes out of the front door and heads down the gravel path. "Don't cry," She hisses to herself as she goes down the sidewalk by his house, "he'll be watching from his bedroom window, don't you dare fucking cry."

But she can't help but cast a glance up to where she knows his room is and she sees Gale stood there. His messy black hair and his The Beatles t-shirt are his main distinguishers and she gives him a small wave. He returns it half-heartedly, and she continues down the street, determined not to look back. She feels a little dizzy, and wonders what she could have said differently whilst lying naked in his bed. What _was_ there to say?

She wonders next who she should call, as if losing her virginity is similar to being stranded or locked out of her house. Delly or Madge, she thinks, who to call first? Guessing that they're probably together right now talking about the fact that Katniss just lost her virginity since Katniss herself told them yesterday that the next day, today, would be _the day_, she takes a shot in the dark and chooses Madge. The phone doesn't ring for long before Madge picks up with a sharp squeal and asks, "Are your V plates still intact or what?"

"No, they've been brutally ripped off," Katniss answers. "Can I come over? Is Dells there?"

"She is, yeah," Madge says, and Katniss hears a distant greeting in the background. "Why aren't you still over there? I thought you were having dinner with the family. Didn't it go well or something?"

She hears Delly asking what is wrong and Katniss sighs with exasperation. "I'll tell you when I get there," She says, not feeling like pouring her heart out into the phone. "Just have three beers and a pizza ready for me; that's all I ask."

"Already ahead of you," Madge says, "see you soon."

Katniss hangs up and shoves her phone into her jeans pocket and tries not to look at the boulder as she passes it. Instead, she looks at one of the Mellark kids as he hauls out a sack of flour from the back of his father's pickup truck. She watches his biceps tense as he throws the sack over his shoulder and for a second, she catches his eye. His jaw is bruised as if he has been punched and his gaze flickers to the floor. He gets a more secure grip on the worn fabric before scurrying off inside.

It's no secret what happens inside that bakery; the boy's mother is famous for her very public arguments with neighbours and supposed friends. There's a rumour that she's mad, but Katniss isn't sure whether it's true – if she was crazy, wouldn't her children have been taken off her long ago? She knows their youngest, the one she just saw, is in her year at school. He keeps to himself a lot, sitting in the corner of the library at lunch. He has friends, she knows he has because he is always laughing with them in class, but as soon as he moves away from them, his smile sags and his eyes die and he trudges back to the library again. Katniss can't help but wonder about what happens in that bakery, away from where prying eyes can see.

She makes it to Madge's and before she can even knock the door is thrown open and Delly stands there, squealing as she yanks Katniss inside. "Welcome to the slut club!" Madge hollers from the hallway doorway, a can of beer in her hand. "Come up stairs! You need to tell us every last detail."

"I doubt having sex once makes you a slut," Katniss answers nervously, but allows herself to be propelled up the stairs, each of her wrists trapped in the girls' fingers. She is yanked into Madge's bedroom; the walls are pink and the carpet white, her laptop open. Unopened beer cans line the floor. Delly and Madge release her and collapse onto the thick carpet, each grab hold of their cans, and look at Katniss expectedly. "There's nothing much to tell," She admits.

"Just go from the start," Delly urges, "and then to when he made your vagina feel like a shooting star."

"Okay," Katniss says slowly, sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs. She opens a beer can and takes a slice of pizza from the half-empty box and begins. "So I went over to his place. His Mom and Posy were home, and I think Rory was, too. We went straight upstairs. Since it was planned, we didn't really... you know, discuss it first. We just started kissing." Katniss' cheeks begin to heat up. Despite being almost eighteen, discussing personal and sexual stuff makes her feel uncomfortable, even if it is about the boy she has been dating for just under a year. "And I guess we then just... had sex."

"Was it good?" Madge probes.

"It was..." Katniss doesn't want to lie, "fine, I suppose." She finishes lamely.

"It was _fine_?" Delly repeats, looking confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that it was just okay," Katniss gives a little shrug and chugs down some beer to ignore the girls' almost disappointed faces. "And for the record," Katniss adds, "my vagina did _not_ turn into a shooting star." It was supposed to be a joke to lighten the tension however the girls look even more surprised. "What?" Katniss asks.

"You mean he _didn't get you off_?" Madge asks. "Did _he_ get off?"

"Well, yeah," Katniss says uncertainly, "but no girl orgasms on their first time, right?" They blink at her with astonishment. "I mean," She continues, "there wasn't any... foreplay, or anything, it was just sex and then I left."

"Did he say anything to you?" Delly asks. "Did he, you know...?"

"No," Katniss says, her chest tightening. "I mean, we didn't talk at all. We just kissed, had sex, I said I'd see him tomorrow and he agreed." The girls look at each other and Madge raises one of her eyebrows. "Is that bad?" Katniss asks nervously. "I mean, does that mean I did something _wrong_? Should I have faked it or something? It didn't even feel good."

"Maybe you're a lesbian," Delly says. "That's why."

Madge rolls her eyes. "Katniss isn't a _lesbian_, Dells. It's hard to get off with _just_ sex; I thought he had at least... I don't know, eaten you out or _something_ - like, at least _fingered_ you or whatever. I didn't realize that it was going to be a literal in and out job." Madge takes a swig of beer. "And he didn't even try to comfort you or say _anything_? He just let you _go_ after you both _lost your virginities_?"

"Yeah," Katniss feels worried now. "I didn't realize... I mean, it's going to be really awkward tomorrow, right? I mean, I walk to school with him. We sit next to each other in Biology. What am I gonna do?"

Delly sympathetically rubs her arm. "You'll be fine," She says, "and hey, at least you lost your V, right? That's one thing to feel good about." Katniss gloomily finishes her can of beer and tosses it into the trashcan several metres away. It bounces off the brim and rolls onto the carpet, and she sighs. "Don't worry about tomorrow," Delly adds, "worry about learning how to give blowjobs because that's next on the sexual to-do list."

Katniss groans and flops so she is lying down on the carpet, closing her eyes with defeat. She's convinced she has had enough sex for a lifetime. And as she listens to Madge and Delly argue about which is the worst first time – giving oral or receiving it – Katniss thinks of Gale and how he said basically nothing to her and about how the Mellark kid has a bruise on his jaw and she can't think of anything else.

* * *

She walks up to him and meets him by the boulder, the sun warming the back of her neck. He's sat perched awkwardly on the rock like he always is, wearing an unbuttoned plaid shirt with a Snow Patrol t-shirt on underneath. Gale watches her as she approaches and waits until she is in ear shot before saying, "Hey, Catnip."

Katniss smiles a little at him. "Hey, Gale," He rises and she is comforted when he slips his hand in hers. They begin walking, and Katniss glances over at the bakery as they pass it. The walk briskly as they always do when they pass the Mellark's fence because if they dwindle the mother will come out, but they walk slowly enough for Katniss to see the youngest and middle child leaving the front door. Both of them are similar in height and weight and the middle kid doesn't hang around. He jets off, rushing past Gale and Katniss, leaving the youngest kid behind.

She tries to catch his eye again, but since his bruise has blackened since yesterday, he doesn't try to catch hers.

Katniss expects Gale to bring up the day before but he doesn't; instead, he rambles on about something to do with his Xbox and then about Vick getting into trouble at his school. Katniss nods along as she listens, and can't help but stiffen when the youngest Mellark kid overtakes them. He glances at them both self-consciously before surging forward on the sidewalk. Katniss notices that he moves in an irregular fashion as if injured. "He's a fucking weirdo," Gale says under his breath. Katniss glances at the kid's head in front of them, and she knows he has heard him. But the boy doesn't turn around, so Katniss tries to forget it as she fakes a laugh. "Anyway," Gale says, and resumes his story.

The weather is nice for late September and Katniss relishes the sunshine, knowing that soon, the snow will come and she'll be trudging through it every day. They walk up to the school with their hands still entwined, and just before the first bell rings, Gale turns to face her and captures her lips with his. She forces the memory of the last time they kissed away from her mind and sweeps her tongue across his bottom lip before pulling away. "I'll see you in biology, then," She says.

"See you in biology," He repeats, and then hurries off into the school to join his friends who Katniss knows will be waiting for him inside. Katniss walks through the doors a few moments later to find that Gale has already been swallowed up by the crowd.

She pushes her way through the clusters of people to her English class, and outside, there is a disturbance; the crowd is thicker than usual and they all chant. Their voices grow louder as she gets nearer and she forces herself forward until she can see what is happening in the centre of the throng.

A kid she vaguely knows to be Cato stands with his body curved forward, his fists clenched and his teeth slightly bared. He's known for basically being a dick, shoving people over and being the school bully. Katniss has never actually talked to him – he is in the lower classes and she is in the middle, so their timetables never overlap. Despite not knowing much about Cato, his menacing stare still scares her.

Opposite him stands the Mellark kid, his blonde hair even messier than usual, his jaw pumping and his sleeves rolled back. He must be twenty pounds lighter than Cato, visibly scrawny, but stands as if he is ten feet tall. Katniss watches, the only silent one in the crowd, as the kid is the first too lunge forward. When his fist collides with Cato's jaw, the crowd gasps one collective breath before resuming their screaming.

Katniss can't help it. For some reason, she feels the need to jump forward; to yell and to wedge her body between theirs, to shove Cato away from him and to shield the Mellark boy's body with her own. Cato, unaware of the quick change of target, swings and instead punches Katniss in the face. She stumbles but the kid's grasp on her makes it impossible for her to fall. He practically shoves her out of the way, and barks in her direction, "Stay out of it!"

Feeling woozy, she watches Cato advance on her but the Mellark kid shoves him back. "Don't touch her!" He shouts at him above the noise. Katniss spots a teacher hurrying down the hallway stairs and Cato notices, too. He grabs hold of his rucksack, aims a hard kick at the kid's belly and speeds off, his friends crowing as they run after him.

The Mellark boy doesn't fall but merely staggers like Katniss did. The crowd disperses quickly as they hurry off to their lessons and Katniss is the only one that stays. She crouches down to steady the dizziness and cups her jaw in her hand as she watches Peeta spit blood into his. The teacher wraps her arm around his shoulder but he pushes her away. "Don't touch me," He warns her, and wipes the blood onto his t-shirt to clean his palm. He goes over to Katniss and offers her his hand, and she is wary as she takes it.

He helps her to her feet. "You know you shouldn't get involved in shit that isn't anything to do with you," He tells her, and before she can say anything back, he has his rucksack over his shoulder and is walking off. The teacher hurries after him, asking him to go with her, but even Katniss knows that the odds of him listening are not in her favour.

Katniss, after a few moments, goes into her biology room to find that the class has not calmed down. They all greet her with confusion. "Why did you defend the Mellark kid?" is their biggest question, but Katniss doesn't answer; mainly because she doesn't have to tell them anyway but mostly because she doesn't know. Maybe it's because she knows that he gets enough bruises at home without receiving them at school, too.

She sits down with a thump next to Delly who asks, just like the others did, "Why did you get punched for Peeta?" That's apparently his name; Katniss never knew it before. "Do you know him or something?"

"No," Katniss answers, "and I don't know. He just looked like he needed defending." Delly peers at her curiously. "You know what happens at his house, right?" Katniss' voice has dropped to a whisper. Delly shakes her head. "Word on the street is that he gets beaten up a lot," She says, and Delly's eyes widen. "Yeah, I know. So I thought that maybe protecting him would be a good idea, but I haven't defended anybody before. It's no wonder I did a shit job." Katniss pulls her pen out of her rucksack and pauses for a moment before adding, "Don't tell Gale." She isn't sure why because she knows that Gale will find out eventually, but she doesn't want him getting the wrong idea. Delly agrees.

Katniss was right. By lunch, the fight is the talk of the school, especially the girl who threw herself in front of the blond kid no-one seems to know the name of. As soon as she sits down at a lunch table in the cafeteria, Gale thumps down next to her, his fingers dancing along her jaw to find the bruise that has blossomed there. "Holy shit," Gale says. "I swear, I'm gonna beat the living daylight out of that Mellark bastard."

She weakly brushes his hand away. "It wasn't him." She explains. "It was Cato."

"Well the Mellark kid is easier to get," Gale says, his voice menacing, and he stabs his potato with a fork. "What happened? Did Cato swing or something and miss and get you?" Katniss sighs and recites the story to him, missing out the part where Peeta shoved her away. After, Gale is still uncertain. "But why would you jump out in front of him? You don't know him. I heard that he's a twat."

"I don't know anything about him," Katniss admits, "and neither do you, so maybe we should just not talk about it, yeah?" She takes a bite out of her sandwich and tries to ignore Gale's eyes burning into the bruise on her cheek. "Stop staring," She snaps.

"I have an idea," Gale says, leaning forward, and Katniss looks at him expectantly. "How about you come over tonight and I'll make you feel better?"

_Oh_, Katniss thinks, trying not to let her face fall. _He means sex. _Because that's apparently what people do; have lots of sex and that's it. Katniss remembers Madge and Delly telling her that after the first time, it gets a lot better and starts to feel good, but Katniss can't find an interest in it. If she goes over to Gale's, she likes to listen to his vinyl records and do her homework on his bed with the warmth of his body beside her. And sometimes, Hazelle brings them toast. Now, if she goes over, will he just want to have sex and kick her out?

But Katniss can't find a way to politely object. "Yeah, that sounds good," She says, not making eye contact. "I'll come round at around five, okay?" Gale agrees and they finish their lunches. He carries them to the used tray area and the middle Mellark brother stands there, too, also sliding his dirty tray into the rack. "Hey," Gale snaps at him, and the kid looks up. "Tell your fucking brother to leave my girlfriend out of his fights."

"Gale," Katniss says, yanking on his sleeve. "Shut up,"

"It's not my fault my brother is a fucking nutcase," The Mellark kid snaps back. "I didn't tell him to do whatever he did to her. I wasn't there. I'm not telling him shit." He slams his tray onto the rack and storms off, causing the group around Gale and Katniss to wolf-whistle. Gale just shakes his head as if the boy disgusts him and slips his arm around Katniss' waist.

"C'mon, Catnip," Gale says, and he leads her away. She cranes her neck to watch the Mellark boy leave the room. She wishes she knew his name. Since their family keep to themselves so much, all she knows is that the Mellark mother screams a lot and gives her children bruises and that their bakery sells cheap muffins on Tuesdays and Fridays. She knows the latter fact because Prim, her sister, is obsessed with the blueberry ones. Katniss knows that Prim knows all of the boys' names but she herself has no idea of them - apart from Peeta, of course.

The rest of the day passes quickly and soon, Katniss is walking home with Prim chatting away beside her. Prim, only thirteen, goes to the middle school half a mile away from Katniss' high school. She is bright, bubbly, social – everything that Katniss isn't and wants to be. If Katniss had it her way, she would shield her little sister away from everything: from why her Dad left the family when they were really little kids and never bothered to leave a phone number or from the news and from their mother's depression. She would hide her away and wrap her up in a blanket and never let her get hurt but that's not the way the world works.

"Is it Friday?" Prim asks after she is done telling Katniss about her day, and Katniss confirms that it is. "Can we stop by the Mellark's to get some muffins?"

Since Katniss hates to disappoint her sister and also wants to know more about the Mellark's, she agrees, and casually asks, "What do you know about them, anyway?" Prim looks at her. "You know, the Mellark's, who run the bakery. Do you know much about them?"

"A little," Prim says. "The youngest is called Peeta, the middle brother is called Rye and the eldest is called Breen, but he's away at college. I don't go in if the Mom is at the counter because if you spend too long choosing she chases you away with a broom. The Dad is nice. I don't know anything else. Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just curious, I guess," Katniss lies. "They're quite secretive."

"Not really," Prim says. "They just keep to themselves." Katniss opens the gate to the bakery and Prim goes through it first. She lets Prim lead so she can't see the bruise on Katniss' jaw. Since she walked with Prim on her left side instead of her right, Prim has failed to notice the black mark on her skin. Prim goes to the window and peers inside. "Oh, thank God, it's the brother Rye and the Dad. He must have come home from school early." She pushes open the door and a bell in the doorway rings. "Come on," Prim urges.

Katniss hangs by the door as Prim happily chats to the father. Katniss springs away from the door when it swings open and Peeta Mellark strolls in, dumping his rucksack by the front door. "Hey, Dad," Peeta says, ignoring his older brother and the girls, and grabs an apron from behind the counter. He ties it with his back to them and then turns to face the bakery. His eyes find Katniss' immediately, and an "oh" slips from his mouth.

There is a long, awkward silence before he adds, "Katniss," She wasn't even aware that Peeta knew her name. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" His eyes fall to Prim, who is looking between them both with a little smirk as if suspecting something is happening between them. "Can we talk outside?"

After purchasing her muffins Prim tells Katniss she'll complete the rest of the short walk home alone and Katniss and Peeta stand just outside of the bakery, the late afternoon sun warming their skin. Peeta leans against a tree, his hands shoved into his pockets, and Katniss is awkward as she balls her fingers into fists. "Katniss," He says after a long period of silence. "The fight with Cato... I didn't mean to get you involved. I'm sorry. I was annoyed at the time, and shoving you away was really shit of me. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Katniss is astounded because it wasn't Peeta's fault at all. _She_ was the one that dove in and got her face bruised. "You don't have to apologize for anything," She assures him, "trust me. I was an idiot – I don't even know how to fight."

Peeta cracks a smile that is so genuine that for a moment, Katniss is shocked because she realizes she has never seen the boy smile before. He looks nice when he smiles; he should do it more often. It takes her a moment to remember that Peeta Mellark doesn't have a lot of things to smile about. "You took that punch well, though," He says, "barely even flinched."

"Yeah, well, I do have over three hundred confirmed kills," She grins, and he laughs. "Thanks, though. For not being really pissed off with me for embarrassing you in front of all of those people like you can't stand up for yourself." His smile disperses and his eyes drop to the dirt at his feet. "Not like that," She says hurriedly, and he looks up at her. "I mean, I just know that you can; against people like Cato."

The silence between them stretches on longer this time and Katniss mentally curses but she can't help but wonder about how Peeta can stand up to Cato of all people but not his middle aged mother. It's odd to her, but she knows better than to bring it up. Sometimes, things are better left secrets. "Thanks, Katniss." He says, and she likes the way he says her name. "I'll, uh, catch your eye on the way to school tomorrow."

Katniss laughs a little. At least he notices it too. "Thanks, Peeta," She says.

As she turns to leave, he calls after her, "Put some ice on that cheek, yeah?" And though she doesn't respond, she feels the warmth of their conversation heat her chest as she walks down the bakery path and through the gate. She grins to herself as soon as she is out of sight and twists a loose strand of her braid around her finger. The good feeling Peeta left behind disintegrates fast when she remembers what her plans are for the evening, and her smile slips from her face. What is she going to _do_?

When she gets home, as usual, she ignores her mother's greeting and heads to the fridge. She pulls out a Coca-Cola can and a chocolate bar and stomps up the stairs. She slams the door loudly behind her so her Mom can hear and pulls off her rucksack and shoes, leaving them by her door. Her room is different to Madge's; the walls have wallpaper on that has been there since 1996 and to cover up the horrible design she has hidden them under posters. Her duvet is navy with stars on and the carpet is covered with clothing and stacks of CDs and books. Katniss likes her bedroom a lot because it is the one place in the house where her mother's presence can't be found.

She switches on the Christmas lights that are taped to the ceiling and she then collapses on top of her bed. She thinks about her and Gale's arrangement for tonight. Apart from yesterday, she has never been nervous about going over to his place before, because normally all they do is either kiss or eat pizza and study. But now, with the promise of sex lingering in the air, Katniss isn't sure about how eager she is to go over. Honestly, the thought makes her nervous. But sex is supposed to feel good. _Maybe it _will_ this time_, she tries to convince herself, _just go; for him. See how it works out._

So, at five o' clock, Katniss shows up at Gale's front door with her body tingling with nerves and anticipation and her hair swept back into its usual braid. He opens it with a smile, gesturing for her to come inside, and she hesitantly does, discovering that all of the lights are out. Blind, she yanks off her shoes and Gale links hands with her and leads her into the living room.

They step inside and Katniss is stunned. He's lit candles and arranged them around the room, giving the place a faint, yellow glow. In the centre of the living room, where a coffee table usually is, is a blanket. Ah. Katniss' chest tightens even more when she realizes that Gale has obviously been looking forward to this all day and she has been dreading this all day and she can't help but think that everything is going so _fast_. Didn't they only lose their virginities _yesterday_? But she feels that she is too deep to say no.

Wordless, his head dips down and he kisses her; his lips are warm and familiar and her hands slip around the back of his neck, drawing him closer. She wishes that they could do just this because she likes the way his hands slip around her waist and how he holds her closer like she is the only girl he has ever been with, when really she knows the truth: that he is the heart throb of the school and she is merely the girl he dates. She tries to push the thought out of her head and she deepens the kiss, but all she can think of is the homework she has to do and how hungry she is and how nice Peeta Mellark's smile is.

Despite this, she allows him to pull her shirt off her head and she kisses him again. She wonders if he can tell how much she is shaking or is oblivious, because she feels as if she is trembling like a leaf. All of this is wrong, she knows it is. _You're too old to be so shy, _she thinks to herself as he pulls off his own t-shirt and dumps it on the carpet next to hers. _Just sleep with him, you'll be fine. _But she finds that she just _can't_ and she pulls her lips away.

"What's wrong?" Gale asks.

"Nothing," She says hurriedly. "I'm just..." She can't think of a good excuse. "I'm just on my period," She blurts out, and Gale looks awkward as he drops his hands from her body, allowing them to hang by his sides. "So I was hoping we could just, I don't know... do our homework and stuff." Gale stiffly nods and steps away from her, looking embarrassed which only makes her feel embarrassed, too.

"I'll blow out the candles," He says as she flicks on the lights, "and we can go over our biology notes because I don't think they're detailed enough." She nods as she slips her shirt back on, feeling relieved but anxious, because she knows that at some point, she will have to sleep with him again, and that her excuses will eventually become suspicious.

It is the evening that Katniss wanted but she can't help but think that she has disappointed him, which she supposes is what she has done. Their conversation seems more forced than usual, his laughter soaked in awkwardness. For a while, they lay in silence on the floor, sharing the blanket they were meant to have sex on and scribbling some more notes onto lined paper. After a while she gives up and watches him as he writes, her eyes running over his olive skin and black hair and the freckles on his nose. How did they end up here? When did she start becoming so nervous to talk to him about what she truly felt? She's nervous; nervous that he'll reject her and start dating somebody else.

Gale offers to walk her home after they're done studying but he has to leave her at their meet-up boulder because he knows his Mom will be back soon and since he has the only key, he needs to unlock the door before she gets home. "I'll see you on Monday," Gale says, before kissing her. "I love you," He tells her.

"I love you too," She says back, and her voice wavers a little, but he doesn't notice. He walks away, and for a moment or so, she watches him disappear before collapsing onto the rock with a thump. She sighs and runs her hand down her braid, wondering what she is going to do. She can't pull the period card every week; she needs a better excuse. She's mulling it over when she spots Peeta by his gate. "Hey," She greets him, "what're you doing out here?"

"Putting the trash out," He says, but when Katniss' eyes flicker to his hands; they are empty. She ignores this fact and smiles at him instead of calling him out on his lie. "I could ask you the same question." He continues. "You're sat on our boulder; that's private property, you know."

"It's outside of your fence," Katniss points out. "I don't think it's legally yours, but." She gets up and brushes down her jeans, and then glances at his jaw to see the bruise is fading. "Your face is looking better." The comment causes Peeta to run his finger down where he knows the mark is and shrug. "I forgot to put ice on mine."

"It'll go black," Peeta warns with a slight smile. "People will ask questions and they'll give your boyfriend the stink eye." His comment makes Katniss drop her gaze and release a tiny cough. "I didn't mean anything by that," Peeta quickly adds. "It was, uh-"

"A joke," Katniss finishes for him, cutting him off. Peeta looks at her before shoving his hands into his pockets, perhaps to hide the fact that they are holding nothing. "I get it, yeah. I should be getting home; it's freezing tonight."

Peeta bites his bottom lip for a moment before glancing at the bakery, which looks rather cosy at night. The lights are switched on and the yellow glow pours out onto the yard out front, which is an unpleasant reminder to Katniss about the candles at Gale's. "I guess I could walk you, if you want," He offers.

"Oh, you don't have too," Katniss says quickly. "It's a five minute walk; I'll be fine." There's a moment of silence before she lamely adds, "But if you want too." Peeta smiles at her and they begin walking with half a metre of distance between them. Peeta is walking awkwardly like he was earlier in the day, as if his leg hurts or he has a limp. To distract herself, she asks, "So how long have you been working in the bakery for?"

"Since I was around seven," He answers, "so for ten or so years now. I guess I didn't do much work when I was seven; I just swept the floor and stuff, but yeah, that's when it started. I guess my parents needed all the help they could get." He notices Katniss' eyes fall to his leg, which awkwardly thumps onto the sidewalk with each of his lopsided steps. "If you're wondering, it's artificial," Peeta admits. "It's not real."

"Are you being serious?" Katniss asks, and Peeta stops walking and yanks up the hem of his jeans to show her. It's made out of plastic, shiny and a peach colour, and Katniss wants to crouch down to observe it closer but finds that by doing so she'd probably just make the situation more awkward for him. She's stunned, though – how did she never know this? Katniss thinks of how when Peeta was punched, he didn't fall over, merely teetered. His balance must be good. "Can I ask how it happened?"

Peeta drops the denim from his fingers and the jeans leg covers up the plastic once more. "I was born without one," Peeta tells her, "a growth defect or something when my Mom was pregnant with me. I forget the details. But yeah, there are some pretty weird baby photos of me with one stump and a leg."

"That's crazy," Katniss thinks aloud. "I never even knew that."

"I think that's why people think I'm weird," Peeta tells her, "including your boyfriend." Katniss' cheeks hot up as she remembers Gale's under-the-breath comment about Peeta earlier in the day on their walk to school. "I could never play sports or anything so I used to sit out and read. I'm not good at standing for too long or the leg starts to hurt, so it's a good job it's a short walk." He smiles a little to himself. "When I was younger I needed a wheelchair and stuff. Hold on, let me get out the world's smallest violin." Peeta sarcastically rubs his forefinger against his thumb and she laughs a little.

"You have a right to feel sorry for yourself," She tells him. "That sounds shit."

"Trust me, it's fine," He says dismissively as they turn onto Katniss' street. "It's no big deal. I have been called 'stumpy' for the past fifteen years; you get used to the soul crushing tormenting that is waiting for you every day." Even though he says it playfully, Katniss doesn't laugh. She can't imagine only having one leg, and then people being cruel to you about it. It seems absurdly unfair. "Is this your place?"

"Yeah, it is." They both stop in front of Katniss' Mom's car and look at each other. She notices how Peeta stands with his body slightly to one side, probably because of the leg, and he shoves his hands back into his pockets. "Thanks for walking me home." She glances at the car. "I'd invite you in, but my Mom is home." She nibbles on her bottom lip.

"It's fine," Peeta says, "no problem; maybe another time?" She nods and thinks that she will actually take him up on that and offer him round to her place because she likes him and thinks that he is interesting. "I'll see you on Monday, then."

"Unless you want to come round tomorrow," Katniss offers. "My sister has soccer practice then and my Mom works Saturdays, so the house would be free. We could do some homework or something." She sees him smile, genuinely pleased by her offer, and she smiles, too, pleased to have pleased him. Plus, she owes him because he walked her home, and also, it means she doesn't have to make plans with Gale.

"That'd be great," Peeta says. When Peeta smiles, Katniss notices, it reaches his eyes and makes them brighter, as if he has just finished laughing at a hilarious joke. "I'll come round at around lunch, okay? I can bring pizza." Katniss nods. "Okay, then, I'll see you then."

"See you then," Katniss answers, and grins to herself as she watches him walk away, wondering if he is grinning, too.

* * *

Late that night long after she is supposed to be asleep, she lies awake in the darkness in one of Gale's old t-shirts and her sleeping shorts. The window is open, allowing some moonlight into her bedroom, and she stares at the ceiling, thinking about Saturday and what she will do when Peeta Mellark shows up at her door.

She's excited to have him round; almost too excited, as if she is forgetting that she only met him _today_ and barely knows anything about the boy. She thinks about his crooked smile and how he will be in her house the next day and she turns to smother her grin into her pillow.

But then, Gale hits her mind, and she wonders what he would say if he found out that she had welcomed Peeta Mellark into her house. Not that it's anything to do with him, but she can't help but wonder if he'd be suspicious or not. If Gale had, say Delly round at his home, Katniss would definitely want to know what was going on.

But this is different. Peeta and she are just going to eat pizza and watch Netflix and do some homework. Katniss knows nothing is going to _happen _between them, but she wonders whether or not she should tell Gale.

She decides against it. It's nothing to do with him anyway.

* * *

_I'll probably post the next chapter to this next week, depending on whether people like this or not and how fast I can write and edit whilst writing and editing my other story, too. _

_I was wary of throwing in Peeta's one leg situation but I decided too because it was something they axed in the movies so it is something that I refuse to axe in this fan fiction. Thanks for reading and I hope that you enjoyed and will review and all that. Thanks again and I hope you stick around for next week when the plot begins to come into play!_


	2. filling space in your sheets

**Author's note.**

_I'm pretty chuffed with this chapter so I hope you like it! Though I wish I owned The Hunger Games, I sadly don't and the song that this fanfic is based on is called "Candles" by Daughter if you'd like to check it out. I also want to apologize in advance for my over-use of semi-colons and commas. I don't know why I use them so much, I really don't._

_To hear from so many lovely people in the reviews was so nice, and your words really made me sit down and try and make this a good one. A controversial story line or not, I hope that I can continue to keep you interested enough for you to keep reading. It means so much to me, thank you._

_Thanks for clicking 'next chapter' and I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

KATNISS THUMPS DOWN the stairs and sees Prim in the kitchen, sat on the table next to their portable radio and the cat. They've had the animal since Prim was six, and Katniss thinks it's vile. Buttercup, a breed of cat she doesn't know, is an unpleasant colour that reminds her of sick and has claws that dig into your skin. If it were up to her, they'd have passed on the cat long ago to an unknowing family who has no idea of the cat's evil. But since Prim loves him so much, Katniss tries to hide her hatred towards Buttercup in front of her.

She heads to the cupboard and pulls out a box of cereal. She sits perched on the counter, eating it from the box, and when Prim sits next to her with Buttercup in her arms, Katniss kisses the top of her head. "Hey," She says, "You have soccer practise today, right?"

"Right," Prim confirms, taking the box that Katniss hands to her and taking a handful of Lucky Charms before sliding the box back. "You can walk me, right?" Katniss nods. "Thanks." They are silent for a moment as they munch, and then Prim says, "Delly called the house whilst you were asleep. She said she wanted to go to the mall or something with you and Madge and said about underwear shopping."

"_Underwear_ shopping?" Katniss repeats, and Prim nods as she takes another handful of cereal. "I think that's weird. I've never been underwear shopping in my life." She suddenly remembers her plans with Peeta. "I can't go anyway."

"Why not?" Prim asks.

"You know Peeta Mellark?" Katniss asks, and Prim says she does. "Yeah, well, I'm studying with him." Prim looks at her with shock, her mouth slightly open and her hand frozen in the air, her fingers clamped around the chunks of cereal and marshmallows. "What?"

"You're _studying_ with _Peeta Mellark_?" Prim asks. "I thought you didn't know him?"

"I don't," Katniss admits, "but he seems nice, and I have a History exam coming up, and since Peeta is in my class and he's pretty good, I thought, why not? It's whilst you're at practise so we won't be in your way or anything. We're ordering in, but I'll get you a pizza too for when you get home."

"Thanks," Prim says, and then she pauses again. "Katniss," She says, "is this like a date?"

"No!" Katniss exclaims, alarmed. "No, of course not!" But at the back of her head, she imagines a date with him, and a small smile slips onto her face until Prim gives her a knowing smirk and it slips off. "No, Prim," Katniss says firmly. "I'm dating Gale, remember? I'm going out with Gale Hawthorne, who you _adore_. Prim and Gale possibly have a bigger connection than Katniss and Prim do, and that is saying something. Prim starts giggling and Katniss playfully shoves her. "No, I'm _not_ on a date with Peeta Mellark, Prim," Katniss repeats, laughing slightly, "_no_."

* * *

Katniss makes the mistake of lingering at Prim's soccer practise for four seconds too long. She is watching Prim run off onto the field in her shorts and sneakers and knee-high socks, about to turn away, when a loud bellow of her name makes her sigh and roll her eyes and turn around. "I can't believe you're _here_!" Effie Trinket, the event's manager of the town's soccer club Prim plays for, sings. "I haven't seen you in _forever_!"

Effie's fingers with the long, bright pink nails grip hold of Katniss' arms, and she automatically flinches, but Effie doesn't notice. With bright, bubble gum hair, long false eyelashes and aqua coloured eye shadow, she looks like the exact opposite of a soccer Mom. Katniss always can't help but feel sorry for Effie's younger son, who is dressed in ridiculous outfits and even now fuchsia coloured sports sneakers. "Oh, _Katniss_; how are you, my love?"

"I'm good, Effie, thanks." Katniss replies. "How're you? I haven't seen you in a few months." If it were up to Katniss, she wouldn't see Effie permanently. Though she knows that the eccentric woman means well, her voice is too shrill and her clothes too bright for Katniss to have a true conversation with her. Her family knows Effie's because Effie used to babysit Prim when she had just had her own son, before Katniss was old enough to look after Prim herself. After Effie's son started school, she had nothing to do, so she started working with her husband for the soccer club. If Katniss can't get away from the field fast enough after dropping off Prim, Effie always speeds towards her in her high heels, screeching her name.

"Oh, you know, dear, I'm as happy as a clam." Effie beams. "I _wish_ you would drop by, sweetie, I _love _to see you; how is Gale doing? Are you still with him?" They both look back as a whistle sounds and a polite applause breaks out from the parents watching the game. Prim's team has just scored. "Oh, they're good, aren't they?" Effie says.

"Yeah, they're pretty good," Katniss agrees flatly. "Listen, Effie, I have to go, but I will see you soon, okay?" Effie nods and rubs Katniss' arms as if she is cold before releasing her. She pats her hair style as if the last couple of minutes have completely messed it up. "It was really nice talking to you again," Katniss says, "bye."

Katniss scurries off, but before she leaves the field, she stands by the edge and watches Effie pick up her son. Before his birth, Katniss vaguely remembers her being a very clean person – horrified by snot, sick, and she always used to wash her hands and squirted other people's palms with hand sanitizer. But since his birth, she has become a lot more lenient. Katniss watches her throw her young son, covered in a layer of the mud from the game, into the air and then plant a kiss on his forehead as he crows. She lowers him back onto the ground and he runs back onto the pitch to resume playing. Katniss smiles a little before turning away.

On the way back to her place, she passes Gale's, and pauses for a moment to glance through his living room window to see if she can spot him. Inside, Gale is sat on the couch some girl Katniss vaguely recognizes as Glimmer from his sociology class. Gale sits next to her, she remembers, so he must be revising, too. The fact that he didn't ask her angers her for a moment, before she remembers her plans for the day. She shakes the jealousy off, and continues trudging down the sidewalk.

When she gets home, she showers, and changes into leggings and a sweater. She switches the coffee machine on and hops onto the counter as she waits. Her eyes fall onto the fridge, where ages ago now Prim put photographs on it and stuck them to the fridge with magnets. There's even a photo of Katniss and Gale, with Gale holding the camera high above their heads and both of them grinning for the picture. Katniss stares at the image blankly, and only tears her eyes away when the coffee maker sounds.

With a mug of coffee by her side, Katniss sits on the living room carpet and gets started with her History revision ahead of time, so she has something to show Peeta when he arrives. For a while she sits in silence as she scribbles away, and when she looks up, she sees that it's half twelve. A few minutes later, a knock at the door pulls her away from her writing and she heads into the hallway.

She digs her key out of her sweater pocket and unlocks the door. She swings it open to see Peeta Mellark stood on her doorstep, biting the inside of his cheek with a plastic bag in one hand and the other hanging limply by his side. "Hey," She greets him with a smile, and she opens the door a little bit wider to let him inside.

"I brought brownies," Peeta says, his voice sounding nervous and jumpy, and Katniss accepts the bag from him as she closes the door. "There are some muffins in there too, and doughnuts and I think some cakes. I made some this morning but I don't know how many Rye, my brother, ate before I put them in their boxes." Aware that he is rambling, he gives her an awkward smile and adds, "But anyway, yeah, they're for you, and your sister if she wants some, I guess."

"Thanks, Peeta," She smiles, leading him into the living room where her History work is. "I have the coffee maker on if you want some, and we can order the pizza whenever you're hungry." He sits cross-legged on the carpet and she slides her work towards him. "I'm not sure how good it is," She admits, "you probably know I'm not really good at History, but I tried." He smiles as he flicks through the writing she has done so far, and as he reads she flips open the white box with the 'Mellark's bakery' logo on the lid. Inside is an arrangement of cakes. They're pretty, covered in pink frosting and sprinkles and one of them has jam and cream dribbling out of the side, the outside coated in sugar. "Jesus," She says, "do you want money for these?"

"What?" Peeta asks absent-mindedly. He glances up at her to see Katniss gazing down at the box with admiration. "No, of course I don't," He smiles, "they're a History study revision present. I think you'll like them, anyway." Katniss pulls a cake out of the box, and sees that the top has a polite whip of cream with a strawberry on the tip. When she bites into it, jam and cream run onto her tongue. "Good?"

"Very," Katniss says, "you're a great revision partner." She offers the box to Peeta and he pulls out a cake covered in white frosting and tiny white chocolate curls. "I don't think that we'll even need pizza," She adds, "if we've got these." She glances at Peeta's little frown as he reads, and she asks, "Is it bad?"

"Not bad," Peeta says, flicking the pages back to the beginning again, "I think you've just got a few dates mixed up, that's all." Katniss sighs and takes the papers as he hands them too her. "We can correct it; don't worry about it. That's why we do first drafts, right?"

They work for a couple of hours making sure Katniss has the right kind of notes and when they are done they collapse in front of the TV. They polish off the cakes and since they're still kind of hungry Katniss orders two pizzas – a large for them to share and then a small one for Prim when she comes home. Despite her protests, Peeta pays. "You _are_ the best revision partner ever," She tells him earnestly as they chew pizza in front of the television. "Thanks for your help, Peeta. I think I'll do okay, yeah?"

"You should do fine," Peeta tells her, biting into the cheese crust, "if you remember that Hitler _wasn't_ one ofthe causes of World War One." Katniss groans and Peeta grins, but when Katniss looks at him with a smile, she notices the red, angry mark around his eye. He notices her eyes on him at the same time she spots the mark and he coughs a little. "So yeah," He says hurriedly, "I think you'll do really good so you-"

"Peeta," She interrupts, "your eye; what's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," He says, "I, uh, I hurt it when I was baking this morning." The lie is so obvious that he doesn't bother to elaborate. Instead, he picks up another slice of pizza and continues talking about their History exam. "So the paper usually starts off easy but then you start getting the tricky stuff – they normally try to throw you off with the wording but if you know what they're going to throw at you, or have a general-"

Katniss cuts him off again. "Your mother did it, didn't she?" She asks, and Peeta doesn't meet her eyes as he chews. "The entire town hears her," Katniss tells him. She feels angry for a reason she doesn't know nor understand. "Everyone knows that she's angry all the time, and that she screams at you and your brothers."

"So what?" Peeta snaps at her. His defensive tone basically confirms Katniss' thoughts. "That doesn't mean my Mom _beats me up_. It means she gets pissed off, and she does so because she has a business to run, and it's stressful."

"Don't talk shit, Peeta." Katniss says. "Don't bullshit me. She hits you, doesn't she?"

"No," Peeta says, "and even if she did, why the fuck would I tell you? I mean, I've known you for what – twenty four hours? You probably didn't even know my name until you were hurling your body in front of mine." He looks at her. "Why did you do that, anyway? Why did you think you needed to defend me?"

"I don't know," She admits, her voice gentler now. "I really don't know." The silence between drags on for so long that Katniss wouldn't have been surprised if Peeta fell asleep. "And I've known you longer than twenty four hours," Katniss tells him. "I see you almost every day on the way to school."

"Yeah," Peeta says, "yeah, I know." Their eyes find each other and they both smile a little. Even if Peeta won't admit to her the situation going on at his home, she likes him. She thinks about Glimmer in Gale's house and she finds she likes him even more. "Katniss," Peeta says, "can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," She says, "okay."

"Why are you dating Gale?" He asks, and she looks at him curiously. "I mean, you have a right to do so, of course. I'd never suggest otherwise. I'm just wondering." Katniss eye's fall to the half-empty pizza box and she chews slowly to avoid answering despite knowing that he is expecting one. "I'm just wondering," Peeta repeats faintly.

"I guess... he makes me happy." Katniss tells him, before realizing that it's only partly true. He makes her happy when he does not want sex and is not hanging round with Glimmer at his house. He makes her happy when they eat pizza together and noodle in notebooks and hang out listening to his music. He makes her feel cool. "I don't know," She admits. "I guess it's just come to be routine." Peeta nods slowly as if he understands, so she asks, "Are you dating anybody at the moment?"

"No," Peeta tells her, "I, uh, I was for a while, but... no." She wants to ask how it ended but she bites her tongue. "I guess I fell in love with somebody else." Peeta meets her eyes for a moment before running his hand through his hair. Suddenly, Katniss remembers how he always glances at her in the mornings and how nice he is to Prim when she comes into the bakery. How their eyes briefly meet before she blushes and looks away. How did she not know his name before yesterday? "It's just hard, I guess," He adds, "because I don't know how to-"

She cuts him off with a kiss. Her mouth finds his and he immediately responds, his hands threading into her hair and her hands press against his back, pulling him closer to her. He tastes like sugar and pizza, mouth wash and cinnamon, and for a while, she doesn't think. Her mind does not drift to boyfriends or blonde girls or History revision or school. She doesn't think of anything at all.

And then, he pulls away, and his voice is faint when he says, "Look at me." Her grey eyes find his blue and it takes a few seconds for her to focus. He has light freckles near his eyelids and across his cheeks, and she realizes that it is Peeta who she is kissing, not Gale. But despite this, she goes in again, and his hands clutch her face this time as his tongue slips into her mouth, and she sighs around his lips. His mouth is soft, and when they pull away again, he can't help but resist leaving ghosts of the kisses he planted previously behind. His lips dance across hers before they finally connect again, and after a few minutes, he forces himself away. "But Katniss, what about your boyfriend?" He mutters.

"I don't care," She says, and they kiss again. She doesn't care about Gale right now. Gale is at home with a pretty blonde girl on his couch. Gale is probably planning for them to dry hump in his bedroom on Monday. Gale isn't thinking about her, so she tries not to think about him. The task is surprisingly easy, because Peeta is so intoxicating, and he tastes good, so why would she think of Gale? And he's such a good kisser. He's better than Gale. She can't help but compare them. He is _so much better than Gale_.

"Katniss," He rasps when they break apart again. "Katniss, I-"

"Don't talk," She pleads in a whisper, "just don't, okay?" Because she knows that if he starts talking to her she'll get confused and upset because she knows that she shouldn't be kissing him but she _wants_ too, and she doesn't want to be reminded of Gale or rules or anything other than how good his lips feel on hers. "Just kiss me."

But this time, as their mouths mould together in the silence of her living room, she can't help but wonder_ why_ she is kissing him. Is it because she wants too, or because she is mad at Gale due to the fact that Glimmer is at his house? She shakes the thought off. She is here with a boy in her house, and he is there with a girl.

_Yeah, and look what is happening at your place, _her mind retorts. He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth and his teeth graze across it before releasing it, and she allows herself to forget it. _Even if something is happening over there, _she thinks, _it definitely isn't better than what is happening over here. _His hands slip back to grasp her hair and where his palms drag across her neck, a tingling sensation is left behind. _It's _definitely_ not_.

It takes them a while to break apart and they only do so when they hear the front door slam and the noise of sneakers hitting the wall. They practically jump away from each other and Katniss gets to her feet to greet Prim in the hallway, but by the time she has stood up, her sister is stood by the living room door, her eyes flickering between Katniss and Peeta with a knowing little smirk. "Hey," She says.

"Hey," Katniss says back, a little too quickly to be classed as casual. "Prim, you, uh, you know Peeta Mellark, right?" Peeta waves at her and she smiles at him back. "Right," Katniss says awkwardly, "well, I – Prim, I ordered you a pizza, like I said. Cheese, tomato, chicken and extra peppers." She hands the box over to Prim who flips the lid open and takes a slice out. The noise of her chewing is the only sound in the room, until Katniss interrupts the silence again. She turns to face Peeta and says, "I'll walk you home, okay?"

"Right," Peeta says, standing up and brushing his hands on his jeans before helping Katniss clear away the now empty boxes from their pizza and cakes. Prim watches them as they throw them away and shove their notes into their rucksacks. "Nice to see you again, Prim," Peeta says as he passes her to put on his shoes. "I, uh, made some brownies and stuff if you want some." Prim's eyes light up, and she heads eagerly into the kitchen. Now alone, Katniss and Peeta plant some more hurried kisses onto each other's lips before Peeta hastily zips up his jacket. "Come on," He says, "we can kiss more on the way home."

They leave the house after yelling quick goodbyes to Prim and as soon as the door closes behind them, they kiss; their mouths move together passionately, slowly, as if they are in a lame romance movie that Katniss would complain about if forced to watch. The late afternoon sun is warm on her skin and his tongue strokes hers and she decides that if she could freeze any moment, it would be right here, right now, and she would live in it forever.

He slips his arm around her, and for the short walk home, he repeatedly plants kisses on her neck and his arm tightens around her waist. When they get to the boulder, they kiss again; this time, he sits down on it and pulls her onto his lap, and she guides the kiss. Her hips subconsciously grind against his and when his hands gently cup her ass, she doesn't object or shove him away like she would Gale. For some reason, she feels comfortable around him. When her lips pull away from his, her body shifts a little, and she can feel the firmness of his prosthetic leg against her thigh. "Tomorrow," She gasps out, "come over to mine tomorrow."

"But what about-?" He begins, but she cuts him off.

"I don't care," She insists, "tomorrow."

"Okay," He says faintly, "tomorrow."

* * *

That night, Katniss is sat watching TV with Prim when Gale texts her to see what she is doing the next day. When she doesn't reply, he calls, and she steps out of the room as not to disturb Prim to answer her phone. "Hello?" She answers, her voice unnecessarily harsh, and on the other end she hears the pounding of loud music. "Gale?"

"_Katniss_!" As soon as he says her name, her eyes briefly close and she leans against the wall. His voice is slurred and thick; he's obviously drunk. Normally, when she is drunk with him, she finds it hilarious, but surrounded by the quietness of her house and the general relaxed environment, it is anything but funny. "Katniss, babe, how are you?"

"Fine," She answers stiffly, "and I am _not_ your babe." As she talks, she stomps into the kitchen and gets hold of the picture of them both on the fridge. "Where are you?" She asks as she throws it into the trash. "You sound drunk."

"Glimmer's," He slurs, and she glares at the kitchen wall as if he is stood there. "She's – a party. I did a keg stand." Gale starts laughing hysterically at something someone says and it takes a few moments for him to return to the phone. "Catnip, _Katniss_, Glimmer's fun; be like _Glimmer_, I want you to come to the _party_."

"I don't want to cramp your style," She says flatly, "have fun with Glimmer." She hangs up before he can object or say anything else and she slams her phone onto the kitchen counter. She notices Prim in the doorway, and aware that her sister's face laced is with worry, Katniss sniffs hard and says, "It's nothing to worry about; it's just Gale. C'mon, let's go back into the living room."

Even though there are plenty of distractions – the movie Katniss and Prim are watching, the Doritos they're sharing and the cat hissing at her as soon as she shuffles into a metre radius – her anger at Gale doesn't fade. But then, she wonders, does she even have a right to be angry? This afternoon, she was practically dry humping a blond one-legged baker. Maybe she shouldn't be mad at Gale for hanging out with a girl when she was making out with a boy only a few hours previous.

But she doesn't care whether she has a right to be angry or not. She's livid. Maybe she is angrier at herself more than anybody but it's easier to pin the blame onto somebody else than yourself when you are annoyed. As she munches on her tortilla chips and fake laughing at the TV, her mind is on Gale, and every thought that passes through her head is an angry one.

* * *

As soon as Peeta Mellark shows up at her doorstep, she yanks him inside and their lips smack together. He's startled but he drops the bakery bag he is holding to pull her closer, and she slips her hands around the back of his neck to pull him closer. She knows today that she is kissing him for the wrong reasons – it is her own personal revenge on Gale for their phone call last night – but she doesn't care. Plus, he's still a good kisser. And maybe she is over-exaggerating; she does want to kiss him, even if it is for the wrong reasons.

She tries to ignore the fact that the more she kisses him the more Gale slips out of her grasp.

"Woah," Peeta remarks when their lips break apart. "Are you _that_ excited to see me?" Katniss fakes a smile as the cogs of her brain whirr. She does not want to lose Gale, she decides, but she doesn't want to stop kissing Peeta. She wants to come to a compromise where she can make Gale and herself happy but also keep herself and Peeta happy, too. And as she follows Peeta into her kitchen, she struggles to think of a solution.

She hears Peeta talking but as she thinks, her brain tunes him out. She remembers what he said yesterday, about having an ex-girlfriend, and she rubs her lips, remembering the feel of his tongue against hers and how their bodies moulded together oh-so-perfectly. She knows he did not get those kissing tips from reading an article or watching porn; he's kissed somebody like that before. And as she nods along to whatever he is saying, she can't help but think: _if Peeta has done _that_ before, then what else has he done?_

Her brain starts whirring and she sits on top of the dining room table as she watches him unload the bakery treats he has brought her today. If Peeta has had sex, which, despite his leg situation she supposes he has, then how much experience does he have? He probably has lot more practice than her, admittedly. Has he done _it_? Does that mean that _he_ can teach _her_ what he knows about everything that she doesn't? Katniss stares hard at him as he smiles, and she notices the creases by the corners of his mouth and eyes. _Maybe he could, _she thinks, _maybe he _would_, if I asked_.

She doesn't know what he'll think about the idea, and it seems weird to her, but maybe he won't object. Maybe if she just asks him, he won't mind. Despite not even knowing Peeta well, Katniss undeniably feels more comfortable around him than she does around Gale of late.

Katniss supposes that Peeta is more attractive than her too, but their personalities seem to be more relaxed. Maybe he's not as out of her league as Gale is. She struggles to free the ridiculous idea out of her mind but she can't. She watches Peeta slice a cake in half for them to share and wonders if she should propose the idea or not.

She decides against it. Telling Peeta would be weird. Asking him to be her teacher would be a weird proposal. "Are you okay?" Peeta asks, and she snaps out of her daydream and smiles at him. "You totally zoned out on me there."

"Sorry," She says as she accepts half of the cake. "I was daydreaming, that's all." She takes a bite out of the slice of cake he hands her and she moans. "Sweet Jesus," She says as she chews, "this is what holy water must taste like." Peeta grins as he takes a bite of his own half, and he gives a very modest nod of appreciation. "You're brilliant," Katniss tells, after swallowing her bite. "I think you should go on Cake Boss."

"I doubt I'd win," Peeta says, wiping his hands on his jeans after polishing off his half. "I mean, my skills are nothing compared to theirs." He offers her the box again but she shakes her head. "I made extra in case your Mom wanted some," Peeta tells her, "and Prim, of course." She nods and he notices how absent-minded she is being. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," She lies, before sighing and leaning against the counter. "Peeta," She says, "I'm going to ask you something so ridiculous and selfish and rude and mean and ludicrous, so I really hope that you don't hate me. And don't feel like you have to answer." Intrigued, Peeta leans forward a little as if he is expecting her too whisper. "Have you ever had sex?"

Peeta doesn't look even a little bit embarrassed when he answers, "I have, yeah." A little surprised by the eagerness of his reply, Katniss merely gives him a nod, and somewhere in the silence Peeta decides to elaborate. "My ex-girlfriend, she was _really_-"

"You don't need to carry on, I get it," Her voice is harsher than she wanted it to be and Peeta's eyes settle on her face. "I guess I was just curious, that's all." She roots around in the Mellark's bakery box and bites hard into one of the cakes, the cream pouring onto her fingers, just so she has an excuse for not talking.

"What about you, then?"

She swallows hard and avoids his eyes when she says, "Yeah, one time."

"_One _time?" Peeta repeats, surprised, and she nods. "Oh, I just assumed..." His voice drifts off and he shrugs a little. "Oh, well, that's okay, I guess. I mean, you and Gale are so – I guess I just thought he was... I don't know." He swallows his bite of cake and adds, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude."

"Trust me; _you _don't sound rude," Katniss tells him, and then hurries straight into, "Peeta, you don't sound rude because I need your help." He looks up at her, his brow creased with confusion and curiosity. "I need your help too..." Oh, God. How can she ask him? How can she back out now? She releases a heavy breath. "This is really, really stupid. And I barely know you."

"And yet you're about to tell me something apparently so ridiculous and selfish and rude and mean and ludicrous, so you must feel a little bit comfortable," He says with a smile. She realizes that around her, he smiles a lot. "I won't be mad, no matter what it is." When she doesn't speak, he sighs, and leans forward to poke her shoulder. "C'mon, Katniss, what is it?"

"Peeta, I need you too-" Katniss says quickly with a burst of confidence, before cutting herself off, moistening her lips and repeating herself again. "Peeta, I need you to have sex with me." He blinks, obviously surprised, and a few moments pass in silence. His mouth opens momentarily before snapping shut again. "I know it sounds really crazy," Katniss admits, "but I have my reasons, I swear."

He is silent for a while longer before saying, "Well you should probably state them before things get _really_ awkward."

"Right," Katniss says. "Well, I – basically," She says, "I think – remember when I said that I have only had sex once?" Peeta nods. "Well, it was – it was kinda, you know... the first time probably sucks anyway but this _sucked_, you know? And Gale tried, you know, to... again," She makes wild gestures with her hands and Peeta nods again without fully understanding, "but I made an excuse up because I want to be good at it, you know? I just... and then you tell me that you've had sex so I think, 'Hey, _this_ is a good idea; how about ask the guy you barely know whether he'll give you sex tips and lessons?'"

Peeta's eyebrows shoot up and he leans forward some more. "You want... _sex lessons_?"

"I guess," She says limply, "but, I... if you want to say no, of course, of course you can say no, it's sick of me to even ask. It's sick and I'm sorry but I just... I don't wanna lose him, you know? And I..." She has no more excuses or defences. She pushes her lips tightly together, and waits.

Peeta studies her for a long time and she finds it hard to tear her eyes away. She searches his for any signs of resentment or disgust and she finds none. Instead, she sees only mild curiosity and almost anticipation. There are no hints of repugnance. "Okay," He says slowly, "say that I take you up on your offer." She looks at him. "What happens about Gale? You say you don't want to lose him, but this would be cheating on him. You realize that, don't you? That by doing this you risk losing him even more?"

Katniss takes a deep gulping breath before saying, "I understand." She knows that she risks losing him but she knows that Gale spent the night with Glimmer, so she tries not to let the fact of losing him bother her too much. Even though she has convinced herself she is doing this for her and Gale, she knows that the fact is partly a lie. But she can't help herself. _You're sick, _she thinks. _You're sick and selfish and soon you'll be a cheater. _She mentally searches herself for regret, and finds none. The thought of Glimmer and Gale together has made her feel almost sin free.

He offers her his hand. "Then shake on it," Peeta says. "You agree, then. That we'll start having sex lessons and it'll be guilt free and I'll try my best to keep it as friendly as possible. There'll be no regret – it'll _just_ be sex lessons. If either party wants to break the deal off at any point then fair dos. And neither of us will ever, _ever_ tell Gale, because I don't want to get punched again." She bites back her smile as she shakes his hand. "Good," He says, "agreed, then."

Katniss feels dizzy with relief and guilt. She nibbles her lip, and Peeta waits as she thinks for a moment. Maybe she should try again with Gale and see how it goes, and if it doesn't go well again, then Peeta and she could try. It seems only fair when she has only given Gale one true chance and that they are only just starting out and exploring with sex. "I need to talk to Gale first," Katniss tells him. Peeta's mouth pops open to remind her of their rules before she says, "I just need to see him, okay? Before... we, you know, do _it_; okay?"

Peeta nods and his eyes are soft when he says, "Yeah, of course, Katniss." There's something more than just friendliness or at least sympathy in his eyes, but she can't work it out.

"And if you need to call me," Peeta continues, "then I'll give you my number." She digs around for a pen and produces one from her jeans pocket, and he scribbles down the numbers on the back of her hand. "It's probably good that you have my number since it's probably _your_ turn to use _me_ as a human shield..." Katniss can't help but laugh a little, so he does, too. "But there you are, anyway," Peeta says as he hands the pen back. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"

"Right," Katniss confirms, "do you want me to walk you home?"

"Nah, I'm good," Peeta tells her. "It's not like _both_ of my legs can get tired." He gestures to his plastic prosthetic leg and Katniss grins at him. "Anyway, tomorrow," When he heads towards the door, Katniss can see how the leg affects his walking; even on even footing, he limps a little as he goes to get his shoes. "You can call me whenever you want. It's not like I, uh, have any plans. I finish in the bakery at six."

"At six," Katniss repeats, determined not to forget, because she knows how embarrassing it would be to call Peeta up for a sex lesson only for him not to answer, or even worse, for one of his brothers or parents to pick up the phone. What excuse would she coax up? "Right, okay, then. I'll call you tomorrow."

She's close enough to him to kiss him, but she's not sure if she should. Despite how eager she was to get her lips on him earlier today, she's unsure of whether she should now they're certain on where they stand. But she remembers Peeta's comment about how sex needs to be between two people, who are actually comfortable with each other, so she tries not to worry when she brushes her lips against his. "And say if I want the first lesson tomorrow," Katniss says, and Peeta's eyebrow cocks. "Where would we do it?"

"Is your sister or Mom home tomorrow?" He asks.

"Probably my sister," Katniss informs him, "but my Mom won't be home. I have a lock on my door, though, and she probably wouldn't bother us. What about at your place?" She can tell from the look on his face and from the mysterious red mark around his eye that his place is not an option. "Here should be fine," She says.

"Okay, great." He kisses her again, and she sees the look in his eyes as they pull away. It makes her stomach ripple slightly with uncertainty and concern, but she tries to push the thought away. Maybe he is as nervous as she is – he never actually specified how much experience he has actually had, and who with. She wonders, nervously, whether he is making the whole thing up. But as she watches Peeta Mellark hobble down her driveway, she knows that the boy, as awkward and as lovely as he is, may lie about what happens with his mother behind closed doors, but does not lie about what happens with girls.

* * *

That night, she calls up Gale, and he picks up with many hurried apologizes about their phone conversation the next before. Barely listening, she stares at Peeta's phone number on her skin until Gale's ramblings are over and then she says, "Yeah. It's okay, Gale, I get it. Was the party good?" She listens for a long time as he talks about the keg stand and about how nice Glimmer is and how he stayed over and how his back apparently hurts from sleeping on the couch. "Maybe you should have gone home, then."

Gale doesn't miss the venom in her tone. "Sorry," He says meekly, and she just shakes her head and says nothing. Wordless, Prim tiptoes into the kitchen where Katniss is to grab hold of Buttercup and sneaks out again. As soon as Prim leaves, her face goes from a fake smile, as not to worry her, to a stony expression. "Do you want to come over tonight?"

Katniss thinks of how she spent the day, and yesterday, kissing another man and she nods before realizing he can't see her. "That sounds good, yeah." She starts drawing patterns on the marble counter, thinking about Peeta and how she told him to wait until she'd spoken to Gale. Katniss wants to try again with him, to make sure that the lessons are needed. If they're not she knows that Peeta won't mind backing out. They shook on the agreement were pulling out was fine. "I can come round now, if you want."

"Sure," He says, and then pauses for a moment. "Katniss... do you want to, you know – try again with the whole...?"

Knowing what he is hinting at and she sighs before saying, "Yeah, of course, Gale." She can't help but think of Delly's and Madge's squeals when Katniss tells them the following day that she had sex again. Whether it's good or bad news to report is still to be decided. "I'll see you in a few minutes, then."

He doesn't offer to meet her halfway before he hangs up, and as she puts away the phone, she can't help but think about how if that was Peeta she was just talking too he would already be on the way to her door.

* * *

"Okay, okay, are you ready?" Gale asks, and lying underneath him again in his bed with the duvet wrapped so tightly around her and Gale that it feels like a vice, Katniss has to admit that she isn't. The setting isn't much different than the last time. His hands positioned at the sides of her head and his face so close to hers she feels almost claustrophobic, she is anything but comfortable. Katniss can also hear his brother and sister running around in the next room, squealing like pigs, but she knows that his siblings can't be helped. "Katniss," He snaps, "are you ready?"

"Sure!" She snaps back, and he almost glares at her before thrusting his hips inside. He pauses again to await her reaction, and she can't help but think it doesn't feel that much different than the last time. Maybe it's less uncomfortable since it wasn't too long ago since she last had sex, but it still doesn't feel that... _special_ to her. "Keep going," She tells him, so he does.

She stares at his face as he grunts and thrusts but he doesn't meet her eyes. He doesn't kiss her. It's like he is trying to pretend she is somebody else, so she squeezes her eyes shut and pretends that _he_ is somebody else, too. And her mind only falls on one person, and her eyes flutter open again to focus on her hand, which is resting on Gale's shoulder. Katniss stares intently again at the numbers and remembers why they're there. _Aren't you only going to do _this_ with Peeta to try and make Gale happy? _She thinks. _You should try to talk to him. _Her eyes try to catch his but he's staring at the headboard as if it has a pair of tits. _Or at least you should...?_

She can't think of something else she should do. She can't help but wonder why Gale isn't trying to do anything, or even_ say_ anything, and when it's finally over, things go like they did the time before. They hurriedly pull on their clothing and Gale tells her that she's going to have to go, but before she leaves, she is grasped by a sudden surge of confidence and she says, "Gale... we should talk about this." He looks at her as if he has no idea what she is talking about. "Gale," She says, harsher this time but keeping her voice to a faint murmur. "Gale, we're having sex and we're not even-"

"Lower your voice," Gale hisses at her.

She stares at him with disbelief. "I'm _whispering_!" She hisses. "And _don't_ you _dare_ interrupt me when I'm talking to you! I'm just trying to say that-" But then she cuts herself off because she sees a Polaroid of Glimmer and Gale together on his bedside table. "What the fuck is that?" She asks, and he glances at it before pushing his belt through his belt loop and threading it through in silence. "Is that _you_ and _Glimmer_?"

"Yeah, from the party last night," says Gale, his voice dismissive.

"Coincidence it's next to your box of tissues," She mutters.

"Stop being so fucking childish," Gale says, "and put your fucking shirt on, for fucks sake; there are two little kids in the house. And you need to go now anyway because they need to be in bed by nine or my Mom will go apeshit." He hurls her bra at her and she catches it with one hand and glares at it before slipping her arms through the straps and fixing it onto her body. "Oh, and Glimmer is giving me a ride to school tomorrow because she's in my sociology class and we're working together, so we need to look over our notes."

"Fine," Katniss says as she pulls her t-shirt on, "brilliant, I'll just walk by myself." But as they glare at each other, she can't help but feel a pang in her chest. She likes him, she really does. But as of late, she feels them being pulled apart by unseen forces and she has no idea how to keep him close. She doesn't _want_ to lose him.

When he's not looking, she shoves the Polaroid into her jeans pocket.

She kicks away the duvet and rises, and when she does, Gale looks at her and sighs. "Katniss, I'm sorry," He says, and she doesn't accept his hug nor push him away when he pulls her quickly into his arms. "I'm sorry, Katniss. It's just for tomorrow, I swear. I'll be back walking with you before you know it." She sighs against his shoulder and breathes in the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and beer and washing detergent and his orange scented shower gel. The smell is sickly but thick with nostalgia.

How many times has she come back from his place with her clothes and her hair thick with his smell? There are too many times to count. But those times where in the days where all they did was hang out and listen to music and laugh and tell stories about the people at school. Now they have admitted to themselves that their relationship is kind of serious – or at least serious by high school standards - they're both running away and curling up against less familiar faces to get that feeling back again. That lightheaded feeling you get when you begin to like someone.

_But it's different with Peeta, _she thinks, but after realizing that she basically just declared liking someone she has known for just over forty eight hours, she shoves the thought deep into the back of her head where she knows it will remain untouched until late tonight where it will paralyze her in reality.

When Gale pulls away, he doesn't kiss her. Instead, he smiles, and he presses their foreheads together. "Katniss," He says, "you know I love you, right?" She nods. "Then, how would you feel if we took a little break? I mean, maybe a couple of days where we can... try and work out how we feel." She stares at him to see whether he is joking or not, and he isn't. "Then we can see where we stand, because lately, all we've been doing is arguing, right?"

"Right," Katniss confirms, her voice wobbling a little as she bobs her head. "No, I get it, maybe we should." She can't help but think that maybe it _is_ a good idea. It'll help her get her feelings together about Peeta and maybe they can even... maybe she can even learn some things before she gets back to Gale. It'll be good. A little breathing space will make her feel better about having sex with Peeta, and plus, if they're on a break, does it class as cheating? She guesses it's a matter of opinion. "I think that's a good idea." She says.

"Good, then, we're in agreement." Gale says, and when Katniss thinks he's going to go for the lips, he plants a kiss on her nose instead, as if she is his pet or little sister. "It'll just be for a couple of days, we'll see how it goes."

* * *

As soon as she gets home, she tears off her jacket and scrambles for her phone. She saves Peeta's number into her contacts and then calls him, and taps her foot impatiently as she waits. Aware that a family member might hear her, she darts up the stairs as the dialling tone plays in her ear, and for a moment, she is convinced he has given her a bogus number. And then, she hears his voice. "Hello?" He asks.

"Hey, Peeta," Katniss says breathlessly, slamming her bedroom door closed behind her. She practically throws herself onto her bed and takes a gulping breath before adding, "Tomorrow, after school; you can come over to mine."

"Are you sure?" He asks. "But what about-?"

"You really need to stop asking about Gale," She tells him, "okay?"

He sounds as if he is smiling when he answers, "Yeah, okay. I'll add that to our already long list of conditions." She smiles a little, too. "I'm looking forward to it."

She thinks of the last phone conversation she had with Gale when she answers, "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it, too."

After she hangs up, she digs in her jeans pocket for the Polaroid of Glimmer and Gale together and produces it a few moments later. She holds the picture between her fingertips as if it is too hot for her to touch, and she wonders why she even took it from his house in the first place. Maybe it's because the thought of Gale waking up to Glimmer's face everyday disgusts her because out of everyone, the only person he should be waking up next too should be her.

She realizes how jealous she sounds, and hypocritical when she will be having sex with Peeta around this time tomorrow. But she is doing it for Gale, for their relationship, to make him realize that she loves him and will do anything. But as she gnaws on her lip staring at the picture in her hand, she wonders, is what she is about to do healthy, or just plain wrong?

* * *

_If you're wondering anything along the lines of "Who did Peeta have experience with?" or "Why did Gale call it off?" or "Why are Katniss and Gale being so pissy with each other?" All will be answered in the next chapter, promise. Plus, I'm planning for more Effie Trinket within the next few chapters which should be fun and also some Peeta and Katniss banter, so I hope that's enough to keep you reading!_

_And I'm also interested to discover your opinions on what Katniss is going to do the next day; do you think that she is doing this for Gale, or to get closer to Peeta? I'd like to hear your thoughts on that one, because even though I obviously understand her true intentions, I'm not sure how clear they are to the 'audience'. _

_Thanks for reading!_


	3. company under cover

**Author's note.**

_I so wish I owned The Hunger Games but sadly I don't and I hope that you enjoy the following chapter which includes classic highlights like Peeta Mellark talking about safe sex and Katniss eye-rolling at Facebook. If that doesn't lure you in, I don't know what will._

_I took all of your reviews into account and all of your opinions and hopes for the story have been duly noted. Again, it was so nice to read such lovely comments and seeing reviews makes my heart sing. I hope I have replied to all of them and haven't missed any of you lovely readers out. In the future, if you do have a question that you'd like me to answer, asking off anonymous means I can PM you an answer. I was also interested in some comments about Gale and Katniss but I'll throw that in at the end._

_Thanks for clicking 'next chapter' and I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

THE WALK TO school is weird and unfamiliar without Gale at Katniss' side, and the fact is deteriorated when she thinks of how he will be sat in Glimmer's car, close beside her as they laugh and tell jokes and stories across the gap between the front seats. She moodily trudges along the sidewalk, wishing that even if she can't have Gale beside her today, she could at least have Peeta. But instead, she is alone, thinking about them both at the same time and discovering that even in her thoughts Gale and Peeta do not mingle well.

Her first class is History, and when she gets there, she is one of the first people to arrive. She sits in her usual place by the back and a couple of minutes later, Madge arrives. She gauchely thumps down in the seat next to Katniss and says, "You didn't even call me and Delly back." Before she can make up an excuse, Madge says, "But it doesn't matter because Gale, on Facebook, changed his relationship status to 'It's complicated'; have you two had a fight?"

Katniss exhales heavily through her nose. Ugh, Facebook; since she doesn't have an account herself as she has never found herself bored enough to scroll past people's selfies and vague bitchy statuses, she hears all the major news from Delly or Madge about what is happening in people's lives. Well, it's major news by Delly and Madge's standards; to her, nothing that happens on that website could be classed as major. However, Katniss does find herself a tiny bit disgruntled by his change of relationship status. She knows they're on a break, but was it really necessary for her to announce that to practically everybody in their grade at school?

"Not really," Katniss answers, nervous for a reason she doesn't understand. "We're kind of on a break." Madge gapes at her before sympathetically rubbing her arm, as if she had just announced that her grandfather was dying or that her cat got run over. "It's not going to be for long," She says, "just for a couple of days, until we get our... feelings together."

Her eyes shoot upwards as Peeta Mellark walks in, and they catch each other's eyes for a moment before they grin at each other. He sits in his seat, and she notices how he has to lower himself down a little slower than most people and position his leg once he's under the table. Madge starts talking again so she has to look away, but before she does, she notices that the red mark around his eye has begun to clear up – that or he has put makeup on it. She realizes that yesterday she forgot to ask him the real reason why it's there. She was distracted by other matters, sure, but it seems like a careless thing for her to forget to enquire about.

_You can ask him tonight, _she thinks, w_hen he's at your house. _Her skin tingles with both nerves and anticipation, and she glances over at Peeta again. He's talking to the boy sat next to him, and he flashes his teeth as he laughs. Katniss smiles and drops her head as if blushing, but then Madge nudges her. "Are you even listening?" Madge asks, to which Katniss insists she is.

When the teacher arrives, the class settles down and the tests are handed out. Peeta turns around and gives her a thumbs up, and she gives him a nod in return. They smile meekly at each other until Madge asks her if she has a pencil or a pen she can borrow, and their gaze breaks apart as she searches for one.

The test, in her opinion, goes okay, and she hopes that she can at least manage a B. Her kind of good mood is heavily dampened when she heads into the cafeteria at lunch and she sees Gale and Glimmer sat together, both of them laughing at a joke that she can't hear. Hoping to catch his eye, she passes the table, but neither of them looks up.

She moodily slams her tray down onto a table as far away as possible from theirs and takes the lid off her water. She drinks heavily from the bottle as she watches them. Glimmer, as she laughs, throws her head back and playfully smacks Gale's shoulder before leaning in closer to him. Gale turns his head to the side and smiles at her and the subtle lifting of his shoulders suggests he is chuckling.

"Is there room for one more?" Katniss hears a voice say, and she tears her eyes away from her boyfriend to Peeta, who is stood by the empty chair next to hers. He looks awkward, his body slightly to one side as it always is because of his leg, and his fingers nervously drum on the bottom of his tray. She pulls out the chair beside her and he lowers himself onto it, and she watches as he casually tries to adjust his leg. "It's rude to stare," He grins.

"Sorry," She says, "I suppose I'm used to hanging around with people with two legs, not one."

"I have one and a quarter, actually, but I'll let that slide." Peeta says, biting into his sandwich. "I saw you scowling during your History test this morning; did you find it difficult?" When he sees her confusion, he says, "Is that just your face?"

"I guess so," She says, "my usual expression tends to be 'don't fucking look at me'"

"Fair enough," Peeta says with a smile which falters when he sees where Katniss is gazing; not at him, but at Gale and Glimmer, who are still giggling as they mess around with their trays. He gives a small cough and tucks his chair in a little bit more, causing the legs to squeal against the tiled floor. It's enough to get Katniss' attention back to their table. "I forgot," He says, "to ask you what time I'm coming over tonight."

"Oh," She says, "yeah, I, uh-" She's distracted when Gale and Glimmer rise together and he takes her tray and stacks it on top of his. This simple gesture is enough for Katniss to feel as if her chest is going to cave in because it was always her that Gale did this for. She takes a deep, shuddering breath before saying, "Sorry, I have to talk to somebody."

And she leaves him alone at the table and scurries away in the direction of Gale and Glimmer, and she grabs hold of Gale's sleeve and he hurriedly jerks his arm away as if he is expecting a confrontation. Upon realizing who it is, he sighs heavily and he hands over the trays to an annoyed looking Glimmer. He allows himself to be dragged away, through the cafeteria doors and into one of the school corridors. She's breathing heavily when she says, "I haven't seen you yet today."

Gale looks at her and his nostrils flare as he uncrosses his arms and shoves his hands into his jeans. "No," He says, "I haven't seen you, either."

"It looks like you were having a nice time," She says, "with _Glimmer_." Her heart pounds furiously against her chest as she waits for him to reply, and when he doesn't, she continues. "I mean, Gale, it looks as if you want to-" Her sentence cuts off when Glimmer comes through the doors and irritated, Katniss grinds her teeth together and glares at her. "Can I help you? Get lost on the way to putting the trays back?"

"Katniss," Gale says tiredly.

"Whatever," Katniss snaps, and her shoulder thumps against Glimmer's as she stomps back to her cafeteria table, but when she returns to it, she finds that Peeta is gone.

* * *

"Peeta," Katniss jogs to catch up with him on the sidewalk. Walking home alone was just as weird as walking to school, and now it is worsened by the fact that she has to talk to Peeta about lunch. Despite her deserting him, he gives her a kind smile as she walks beside him. It makes her feel worse. "I'm sorry," She says, "for earlier."

"It's fine," He says, "I just headed to the library. I was going to leave a note, but..." He gives her a shrug. She thinks of how he spends every lunch time in there, and about how when he sat next to her that's the first time she has ever seen him in the cafeteria. The thought makes her want to cry. "I don't mind, anyway. If you don't mind me asking, what did you want to ask Gale?"

She hesitates, not because she doesn't want to tell him but because she's unsure herself. "I guess I just wanted to see him." She says, and they meet each other's eyes for a minute before she drops the gaze. "It doesn't matter, Glimmer interrupted us anyway." She can't help but sound a little bitter and Peeta pretends not to notice. "And I never answered your question." She says. "You said your shift ends at six, right?" He nods. "Well, how about coming over at seven or maybe a bit later after that?"

"That sounds good." He says. "Do you want me to bring anything?" They're approaching the Mellark bakery gate now, but they both stop in front of it. She thinks about his question for a moment. She knows he is probably just being polite, but there is one thing they'll definitely need that Katniss definitely doesn't have.

"We'll probably need co-" She cuts herself off and swallows hard, and Peeta's eyebrows jerk upwards as he waits. "Condoms," She finishes. Even the word makes her feel wobbly and nervous. How can she have sex with someone if she can't even bring up the subject without squirming? Even though she feels nervous, Peeta seems as if he is at ease.

"I kind of assumed that," He smiles, "I was thinking more of pastries."

"Oh," She says, and there is a moment of silence before she daringly asks, "Maybe some more of those pretty cakes?" She digs around in her bag and produces some dollars, and Peeta takes a step back, putting up his hands as if he is trying to fend her off. "C'mon, Peeta, you can't just keep making me free food."

"Of course I can," He grins, "I'll see you after six."

He goes through the gate without another word and heads down the steep, sloping path to the bakery. She rubs her hand against her mouth as if trying to rub her grin away, but it won't fade. She realizes how pleased she is to have met Peeta, and how happy she is that she threw herself in front of him on Friday because meeting him was probably the highlight of her year. She realizes how weird it is for her sex teacher to be the best thing to happen to her for a while, but there's no point in denying it.

The rest of her walk home is considerably better than she originally expected. She walks quickly, and despite being nervous, the anticipation and giddiness overrides her anxiety about what awaits her tonight almost completely. When she gets home, she kicks off her shoes and pulls off her bag and darts upstairs. She closes her bedroom door tightly behind her and turns to her mirror, and sees how big her smile is.

And then, as she looks at her reflection, the nerves engulf her completely, the excitement angrily shoved aside. It dawns on her that she is about to have sex_ - again. _And it won't be the kind of sex she had with Gale, where it was awkward and that the duvet was so tight around her body that most of her view was obscured and the room was silent apart from the squeaks of the bed as he jerkily drove himself into her with each sloppy thrust. It will be _different_.

They'll probably talk, communicate a little; discuss what they're going to do. Peeta will probably talk her through everything she doesn't know. Surprisingly, the thought of knowing what she is going to do makes her feel a little calmer. If there's something she doesn't know, then she knows that he'll explain it. That's why they're doing this. Katniss keeps forgetting that. _You're trying to get Gale back, _she reminds herself firmly. _Peeta is being lovely and helping you, that's all. _But as she studies her face in the mirror, she can't help but think that she is trying to convince herself with lies.

She heads downstairs to grab a snack to calm her nerves and sees Prim in the living room. "Hey," Katniss says, carrying the cookie that she found in one of the cupboards into the living room to join her by the TV. Sitting beside her little sister calms her some, and she pretends not to hear the growling coming from the mouth of, in her opinion, the world's ugliest cat. "How was school?"

Prim rests her head against her sister's shoulder and answers, "It was okay. We learned about Jack the Ripper and at lunch there was a food fight. I got ketchup in my hair." Katniss pulls away to look at her head but Prim lightly pushes her away. "I've washed it out, no worries." Still feeling a little concerned for her sister, she frowns as Prim rests her head against Katniss again. "How was your day?"

"It was okay," Katniss says, "we didn't learn about serial rapists and I didn't get any sauce in my hair, but overall, it was fine." Prim chuckles a little and Katniss presses her lips against her sister's head. "I've invited Peeta Mellark over," She says casually, and Prim doesn't react, so with a surge of confidence, she plods on. "And when he's here, from here on out... can we make an agreement that you don't interrupt us? We're studying for a pretty big test so I think that you..." She stops because she knows that Prim isn't stupid.

But if Prim sees through her lie, she doesn't say anything. "Okay, cool." She says. "I wouldn't have bothered you two anyway, but sure." Katniss gets up from the couch and they silently shake on it, and Katniss leaves the room feeling relieved that her thirteen year old sister won't walk in on her and Peeta Mellark having sex. If she did, Katniss doesn't know what she would do.

She heads into the bathroom to shower. She hurriedly shaves her legs and under her arms before towelling herself dry. She puffs her cheeks out in the mirror, wiping away the layer of the condensation that obscures her view, wondering if she should plaster make up onto her face or leave it plain. She knows her knowledge on makeup goes as far as knowing where mascara goes so she leaves her face natural, but she is soon worrying about whether Peeta will expect her to be wearing some or not.

Her heart hammering away in her chest, she wraps a towel around her body and hurries into her bedroom to call Delly for advice. She picks up immediately and Katniss blurts out, "Dells, I'm about to have sex and I need to know whether I need to slap some foundation onto my face or leave it alone. What should I do?"

"I thought you and Gale were on a break?" She enquires.

Her eyes fly to the clock and she notices that she doesn't have much time. How long was she in the shower? "I don't have time to get into a big talk about my relationship status, Dells," Katniss snaps, "tell me, what should I do? Normal or make up?"

"Normal," Delly tells her, "and relax, if you're nervous, Gale will be, too." Katniss' stomach churns nervously as she imagines her friend's reactions if she told them that it wasn't Gale she was having sex with at all. "You'll be fine, okay? Call me later or something, okay? You'll do great, I swear."

"Thanks, Delly," Katniss says, "bye."

She throws her phone onto her bed and flops down onto the duvet, staring up at the ceiling and nibbling her bottom lip. When she was going to lose her virginity to Gale, she was nervous, sure, but nothing like this. She feels as if the anxieties are eating away at her despite the fact that Peeta probably won't judge her, or do anything she won't want to do. Either way, she's scared.

She dumps the towel into the wash basket before quickly changing into her baby pink sleeping shorts and a t-shirt. After realizing the shirt belongs to Gale, she tosses it off her body and replaces it for one of her own. She realizes that maybe this isn't the sexiest attire, but he told her they had to be comfortable, right? She bundles up the hem of her t-shirt and pushes it up against her nose, and heaves a breath of relief when she realizes it does not smell like Gale. She does not need to be reminded of him right now.

Katniss tries to read but finds that keeping track of the story is impossible. She tries to watch TV again but her foot tapping gets on Prim's nerves so she leaves the room as not to bother her. She sits on the kitchen counter instead, drumming her fingertips on her bare thigh and staring hard out of the window. She doesn't know how she is meant to feel.

There is a knocking at the door and she takes several gulping breaths before she unlocks it. On her doorstep stands Peeta, a smile on his face even before the door fully swings open. "Hey," Her voice betrays her and wobbles, but he either doesn't notice or ignores it. "Come in, I, uh, Prim is in the living room, so."

"Right, okay," Peeta steps inside. "Shall I take my shoes off?" He asks, and she nods rapidly. He hands her the plastic bag that was in his hands so he can keep his balance by putting one of his hands against the wall. She tries not to stare at his fake foot and instead pretends to read the logo on the bag over and over until Peeta coughs awkwardly and takes it back. "Shall we give the cakes to Prim, or...?"

"No, she'll eat them all; put them in the fridge, then there is more for me." Her weak attempt at a joke works and he laughs softly as he carries the bag into the kitchen. "Peeta," She says, and he looks at her. "Peeta, I'm a little nervous, okay? I just want you to know so you don't think that I act like this all the time."

He slots the bag into the fridge and turns to face her. "That's okay, Katniss," He says, "alright? If you want to back out at any point I would never deny you of that right, or make fun of you for it. I mean, we're doing this for your benefit, not mine." His eyes flicker for a moment before he continues, and it doesn't go unnoticed by her. "But if you want to do this, I'll make sure you feel comfortable before we actually do anything, okay? And if you don't want to do anything tonight, that's okay, too. We can always just _talk_."

She takes a deep breath before saying, "Did you bring the condoms?"

He nods a little, admiring her confidence even if it is forced, and he produces the pack from his jeans pocket. "We should go up to your room so Prim can't hear us," Peeta suggests, "and then I can go through everything." She nods and leads him up the stairs and into her bedroom, where she awkwardly perches on her mattress. He sits next to her and asks, "Do you need me to talk about safe sex, or...?"

He's handling this so professionally that Katniss can't help but giggle a little as she says, "You can, yeah."

He smiles a little, not understanding the joke. "What's so funny?"

"I don't know." She admits, before adding in the sexiest voice she can muster, "Tell me about condoms, Peeta."

He laughs and says, "Okay, fine." She looks at him expectantly and he sighs before continuing. "I think, personally, that you should use condoms all of the time. Are you on birth control?" A little startled, she shakes her head. "Okay, that's even more of a reason to use them. Even if you forget to use one, you can always get the morning after pill from your doctor, but as far as I know, they aren't heavily distributed and it's a lot less hassle to just use this." He pulls a condom out of the pack and hands it to her, and she takes it nervously into her hand. "You won't feel it." He tells her, before adding, "Well, maybe you will a little bit, I guess it depends, but it definitely won't be uncomfortable. I would think about birth control, though, for yourself if you think you're going to have sex with Gale more than you are now. It's an option to consider, anyway."

All of the humour of the situation has gone when she tensely nods. "Right," She says, "what's next?"

"Whatever you want," Peeta tells her. "Is there something that makes you nervous that you want to talk about before we get started? Unless of course you want to not do this, because that'd be totally-"

"Peeta," She interrupts with a soft smile. "I want too, okay?" Katniss rubs her palms on her bare thighs, worried that they are sweaty, and says, "I think I'm ready." Before he can say anything, she adds, "I just don't want to feel awkward, okay? Maybe we could..." She feels lame even asking, but since he's being so open, she surges on. "Maybe we could just lie together for a while." He nods and swallows hard, and does his best to hide his surprise when she lifts her t-shirt off her head and tosses it onto the floor. He lifts his over his head, too, and she can't help but look away when she slips her shorts off and climbs under the covers. He lies down onto her pillows beside her, and in just their underwear they lie together under her duvet with the stars on.

With every minute that passes, she begins to calm a little. Her breathing eventually slows until she is nuzzled up against him, her head resting against the crook of his shoulder. Her fingertips dance up his stomach and through the light dusting of hair on his chest before her fingers lightly cup his chin. She lifts her head up to reach his lips, and he captures his mouth with hers. She lets him lead the kiss, his tongue stroking hers as his hands run up her bare back.

This is good; this is familiar to her. Kissing in her underwear is something that she did a lot with Gale until he suggested having sex. Despite not being keen on the idea, she was desperate to try and please him, like she always is, so she unhappily obliged. But now, even just _kissing_ Peeta makes Gale seem inexperienced. Their mouths fit together so perfectly, and when her hips start softly grinding against his, she doesn't resist. When their lips finally break apart, she murmurs, "I think we should just go for it, okay? Teach me what to do by... just doing it, not talking. We can talk after."

He nods, and their mouths hungrily entwine again. His hands rest on the small of her back, pushing her forwards ever so lightly to get more friction with each of her eager grinds against his crotch. Her hands drift down his body absent-mindedly, and she jumps when she suddenly feels the coldness of plastic against her fingers before realizing she is gripping his prosthetic leg. "Oh!" She says with surprise, "Oh, shit, I'm sorry!"

"What?" Peeta asks, his eyes alarmed, and she is confused before she realizes that he won't have even felt it. The thought is suddenly hilarious to her and she starts laughing, to which he stares at her harder as if she is demented. "Katniss?"

"I'm sorry!" She gasps, her eyes streaming from laughing so hard, "I tried to grip your thigh all sexually and I got the plastic one!"

"Did you?" His tone is still serious until he suddenly cracks up and they both lie on their backs, cackling away like fools. "God, you were going for some _thigh action_ and I _missed out_? Being disabled sucks dick." She laughs, and she feels as if a weight has been lifted off her chest. For some reason, the surreal but mundane moment has made her feel a little calmer. "Shit," He says as the laughter subsides into mere splutters and snorts, "do you want me to take it off?"

"If it's more comfortable." She says, and she wipes at her eyes as he messes around with it under the duvet. "Jesus, it looks like you're getting started without me." She sniggers, and they lose it again. "God, we're like children," She props herself up on her elbow and looks at him as he blindly tries to get it off. "Can I see?" She asks.

"See what?" He asks.

"Your leg," She says, "or is it your stump?" Peeta rolls his eyes and jokily mumbles something about discrimination before pushing the duvet back. It takes a couple of moments for her to process it before she says, "Oh, wow." It's such a lame reaction that Peeta rolls his eyes again, but maybe not as sarcastically this time.

To be honest, his leg isn't too bad. The prosthetic has been fitted higher up than she expected; there is not much real thigh there at all. The rest of it doesn't look too convincing up close, but if you saw it from far away, and squinted a little, you might think he had two legs. The material is plastic, like she saw a couple of days ago when she walked Peeta home, and smooth. She wants to knock her fist against it to see if it is hollow before realizing that in their current circumstance, it might be a mood killer. The only major differences from a normal leg is the lack of hairs or veins visible, since there are none, the smoothness of the foot and the non-existent toes, the knee cap where it looks as if it is a kind of peach coloured ball and the visible line where the prosthetic has been fitted to what remained of his leg.

"It's gross, huh?" For the first time today, Peeta sounds nervous.

"Not really," She says. "Just strange, I guess. Not even in a bad way. I've just never seen anything like it before." She glances at him. "How do you even take it off? It looks like it's been surgically being put on."

"It hasn't, there's a little hook thing at the back," Peeta explains, but when Katniss goes to look, his cheeks flush red and he gently puts his hand on her chest to hold her back. "It's just..." He doesn't go any further, but Katniss understands. She tucks the duvet back around herself as he pulls his leg away and sets it down onto the carpet beside the bed. "You can look now, if you want," He offers, and she glances nervously down at what she expects to be a gory, bloody mess. She is pleased to discover that his 'stump', as she calls it, is smooth and clean, with the end of what is left of his thigh round. A very faint red line runs around the side of the stump, showing where it was stitched up probably years ago now. "How can you stare at it like that?" He asks. "I am becoming increasingly concerned that you have a growing fetish for one legged men."

"I don't have a stump fetish," She informs him, "it's just _interesting_. Does it hurt?"

"Do you mean my stump or the horrific humiliation of having only one leg and having to hobble around?" He asks, teasing her, but when she doesn't laugh, he answers honestly. "No. Only when the prosthetic rubs against it does it get a little sore, but nothing I can't handle." He smiles at her and she smiles warily back. "It's a mood killer, huh?"

"Not if you have a stump fetish," She grins.

"Ah, you confess," He teases. She rests her head on his chest and he brushes back her hair with each stroke of his hand. "You're very cool about it, you know," He informs her after a period of silence. "My ex, when she saw it for the first time she was a little startled, you know? You're calm about the whole thing, it's nice."

The mention of his ex-girlfriend grasps her attention. "Who was your ex?" She asks curiously.

"Her name's Johanna Mason. She's older than us both by two years." Peeta says. "It was never serious or anything." He grimaces a little. "In fact, she was mean to me a lot. She's a shouter. I never liked that so we broke up, but on friendly enough terms." He smiles a little. "I'm rambling again. I thought I was teaching you a lesson on something other than myself and condoms?"

"You are," She tells him, "I'm just _interested_. And look!" She triumphantly raises her hand to show him that it isn't trembling. "You've really calmed me down. I can totally sleep with you now without having a panic attack or something."

"That's good to hear," says Peeta, "I'm really glad my stump and ex-girlfriend have made you feel confident enough to sleep with me." She sticks her tongue out at him and he playfully swats her arm. "Do you want me to talk you through the gloriousness of sexual intercourse or not?" He says. "Unless we're not talking which would make having sex boring and awkward."

She remembers having sex with Gale and she bites her lip momentarily before saying, "Fine, then, communication." Even though it contradicts what she said earlier about not wanting to talk, she finds it will probably be good to know what's going on. She looks up at him and he looks down at her, and for a moment, they stare at each other until she says, "Don't go soppy on me, Mellark."

"Never," He says, and they're kissing again.

She tries to memorize the way his lips move against hers so she can do it with Gale later but she keeps getting distracted. His hands smooth across her skin and his fingers trickle down her spine and she can't think straight. Her hands link together at the back of his neck, and for a few minutes, they forget all means of communication. His hands move to twist in her hair, and when they break apart, she rasps out, "You're, like, the best kisser ever."

"Thanks," He mumbles against her lips, "you're not bad yourself."

As if reading each other's thoughts, they move in sync; Katniss sits up as he moves underneath her, and she straddles his waist. He gazes up at her as she slowly snaps her bra off, and she tosses it away from her and off the bed. It was a feeble attempt to be sexy and dominant but it works, and she sweeps her hair to one side and briefly meets her lips with his again. Her bare breasts push against his chest, and his hands settle on her back to pull her a little closer. Warmth radiates from both of their bodies and when some of her hair falls in front of her face he moves one of his hands to tuck it behind her ear. "Katniss," He says quietly, "you're _beautiful_."

Katniss doesn't say anything for a quick moment because she's a little stunned, and she releases a perplexed, breathless laugh before replying, "Thanks, I guess. You're pretty cute, too." She's not lying, either. His blue eyes; his freckles; his flushed cheeks – they're a mile away from Gale's olive coloured skin, dark green eyes and straight nose. She reminds herself not to compare them both to each other and instead, to distract herself, asks, "So what do we do now?"

He considers her question for a moment before asking, "On a scale of simple sex to full blown angry hair grabbing bruise leaving sex, how do you want to do this?" He knows the answer before she even talks and says, "Simple sex, right?"

"Right," She says with relief. "I think we can leave the hair grabbing bruise leaving sex for when I am a little bit more confident with everything." Even now, with his erection pressing against her butt, is she a little wary. She blames it on her mother, as she does everything; there was nobody around to explain to her about sex and relationships, and it wasn't like the only parent in her life knew anything about those topics other than how to drive the father of your two young children away.

"Okay," He says, and then without warning, his hand dips into her panties to see how ready she is and her body buckles as he feathers against her clit. He catches sight of her face – astonished, a little wary but obviously pleased, and he asks, "Didn't Gale even-?" He cuts himself off as not to embarrass her, and he knows from the look on her face that the only time Gale went near her vagina was when he was thrusting into it. "Oh."

"Yeah," Her cheeks flush and his fingers recoil from her underwear. "I guess he just-" She cuts herself off, deciding that there is no point in defending him. Peeta looks like he understands, anyway. Gale is as inexperienced as her. She remembers how one time, Delly and Madge were talking about how Madge had been eaten out in her ex-boyfriend's car by a Taco Bell, and even though the setting sounded ridiculous to her and the thought of being eaten out disgusting, now, she can't help but feel a little jealous. Madge, at the time, was as inexperienced as her. _But it's not Gale's fault, _her mind pleads, but since this is something she can't pin on her mother, she pins it on him. She can't help but take some of the blame, too, though. When she tried to talk to him, she shouted at him instead. But he takes a part of the blame. She can't deny that.

"It's fine," He assures her, "that's something we can do another time, right?" The thought makes her skin tingle, so she nods. "Okay," Peeta says again, and once more they switch positions; she goes underneath him and he slips his boxer shorts off before positioning himself over her. She catches a glimpse of his erection, resting against his belly, and she releases a tiny squeak that Peeta pretends not to hear. It's not like she is afraid, which she stubbornly tells herself she is not. It just dawns on her once more, like it did the first and second time that she is going to have sex _again_. It'll be the third time in a week. With a different guy than the other two times.

She takes a heaving gulp of air and meets his eyes. Fiercely blue and flawlessly confident, they look back into hers and a small, reassuring smile falls onto his lips. One of her hands timidly reaches up to trace the ghost of the red mark that was previously a harsh ring around his eyelid. It has almost cleared up. Her mother would know what type of mark it was if she asked her, but Katniss knows that she won't. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," She answers quietly, and though nerves are pooling in her belly, she is. She knows that if she wasn't, Peeta wouldn't be going through with this, and that's the huge difference between him and Gale. She swallows hard after realizing she is once again comparing them, and they clash in her thoughts like a fire engulfing a butterfly. She doesn't have to think hard to decide who the fire is. "Yeah, I am."

Peeta rips open the condom and she watches with mild curiosity as he rolls it on. "I'll go slowly, okay?" He tells her, and she nods, keeping her eyes on him, and he doesn't stare at the headboard like Gale did. He gazes at _her_, and she focuses on the freckles and the pinkness of his cheeks and prettiness of his eyes. And then, he moves forwards, sinking into her, and he waits. She releases the huff of air she was trapping in her cheeks and tries to concentrate on the feel of herself encasing him and decides that's it's not too bad. It's as if her body welcomes him more than it welcomed Gale. As if her body has a favourite. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," She repeats, but he waits. He looks a little worried, as if she is lying, so she rests her hands on his shoulders and says, "You can move." He timidly pulls out a little before sliding back in, and a heavy breath escapes her again. Her hands move to grip onto the back of his neck, and he picks up a speed; he thrusts slowly, waits a couple of seconds, and repeats. Shaking breaths escape her and when his fingers move to her clit again, she actually groans. "Oh, fuck."

He smiles a little and his lips find hers as he starts rubbing in small circles, and her hips buck up to meet his. They kiss as he thrusts, one of his hands holding himself up whilst the other teases her clitoris. Her back arches a little; whether it's to get closer to him or not, she's not sure. The only thing she can focus on is how good it feels. How good _she_ feels. She writhes a little around him and he squeezes his eyes shut as his breathing steadily gets choppier until he is panting with each well aimed thrust of his hips. When he asks her choppy breaths, "Do you want me - to stop so I - can talk you – through what happens next?" She shakes her head, fully aware of what happens next, so he announces with uneven heaves of his chest, "Katniss, I'm – gonna come in a – second, I think you should-"

But she doesn't find out what he wants her to do because he orgasms, muttering and gasping, and momentarily his fingers fall and she waits until his body relaxes. The tingling sensation that had been so strong in the insides of her thighs and her torso and all across her skin fades as she watches him. But then, after his breathing slows, his fingers pick up their pace again and her hips thrust to meet the palm of his hand, and she grips onto the short blond strands of his hair. The tingling returns, shooting up her belly and her legs tighten around his hand. "You okay?" He asks her, and she breathlessly nods. He keeps his eyes on her face as she wrinkles her nose. She feels as if she is on the edge of, as Madge and Delly so tastefully put it, her vagina turning into a shooting star, but for some reason, she can't get there. She exhales heavily as her hips grind into his hand, and just when she's trying to focus, she releases an irritated sigh. "What?" Peeta asks her, "Are you okay?"

"I just can't..." She sighs heavily, feeling almost upset. "I guess I just can't get _there_." If it's one thing she has learned from Madge and Delly, it's what an orgasm feels like. How it apparently ripples up your body and leaves goose bumps and you feel dizzy but deliriously happy. The thought of not having one makes her feel disappointed with herself. "Sorry,"

"Sorry?" He repeats. "Katniss; don't be _sorry_. If you've never – it's hard, for women, to get there if they never have before. You'll get used to it, and you'll be able to orgasm before you know it, trust me." He sees how disappointed she looks and he presses his lips against hers; she eagerly kisses him back, trying to cling to the taste of him. "Whoever the next person you have sex with is," He continues, "if _they_ try, you might be able to get there, yeah? Do you want me to try again, or...?"

She considers but denies. All she really wants to do with him now is lie with him, skin on skin, and think not about her failed orgasm but about how much she actually enjoyed having sex with him. How it was good to be with somebody who she trusted and thought was funny and who made her laugh and be comfortable. When she lies with her head resting by his shoulder, she presses her lips against his hot skin, and she snuggles closer a little. They lay in silence for a while before she nervously asks him, "Did I do okay?"

"Perfect," He says. There are a couple of seconds of silence before he asks her, "What happens between us tomorrow?"

She understands the depth of his question. Do they ignore each other like strangers because it is easier and Gale will not be suspicious, pretending that they did not have sex the night before and that they are merely acquaintances, or do they sit together at lunch and laugh and joke and assure people that they are merely friends, and refuse to release the information of when that friendship started? She nibbles on her bottom lip. "I say... that we see."

It's a vague answer, but Katniss doesn't know where she will be with Gale tomorrow; whether he will want to continue their relationship or leave her. She feels guilty for possibly choosing Gale over him, but isn't that the way this is supposed to be? She is not having sex with Peeta because she loves him, but because she needs experience. Her chest tightens a little but she pretends that she doesn't notice. She also pretends that she doesn't feel words on the edge of her lips, but she doesn't know what they are or how to voice them. So she swallows hard and says instead, "Are you hungry?"

* * *

Later that night, after Peeta has left, Katniss goes over to Delly's after calling her to make sure that Madge was there, too. They answer the door a couple of seconds after Katniss knocks, startling her, and they both eagerly pull her inside. "We're playing Twister," They announce to her as she pulls off her shoes. "Wanna play?"

"Sure," She says, and she follows them into Delly's living room. Katniss notices three cans of Coca-Cola instead of three cans of beer, which means her parents are home. She's a little disappointed, because she wanted Madge and Delly at least a little bit drunk before once again going through the events of her evening. Katniss sits on the couch with the dial and they get back into place. "Left foot, green," She says, and watches Madge get into place before nervously coughing and saying, "So tonight was interesting."

"How so?" Delly asks, peering at her with one of her feet on the yellow, the other on the red and both of her hands on the green, stretched out and looking extremely awkward.

"Red, right hand," Katniss says, before continuing with, "I had sex again, as you know. And it was different, in a good way." She spins the dial again and gives Madge her instructions before adding, "I mean, there was a lot more talking and... it was nice."

"Let's pause the game," Madge says, standing to full height and then sitting cross-legged on the Twister mat. Delly puffs and sits down beside her, and they look at her eagerly as if children about to be told a story. "So what was it like? Did he get you off?"

"Almost," Katniss says. "But he says it's hard for girls, when it's one of their first times."

"That's true," Delly says, and silently, Katniss is relieved that Peeta isn't telling her bullshit. "It'll happen soon. Did he finger you?"

"Yeah," She tells them, "and afterwards, we ate some cakes and chilled out in front of the TV, and then he had to go so I came over here." Madge hands Katniss her can of Coca-Cola and she snaps it open. After gulping down a slurp she says, "I guess I see why people like it now. I mean it wasn't very lively and nothing like you see in dodgy porn, but, it was nice. It was me, you know; relaxed and chill and no pressure or anything."

"Well, it's nice to see that Gale is finally turning into such a fine gentleman," Madge says with a small grin. Katniss, not wanting to lie, just weakly smiles and takes another long swig. "It's a bit suspicious between him and Glimmer, though, I mean, what is going on there?"

"I wouldn't worry about it," says Delly, "not now you've had sex again. It said last night on Facebook that you were complicated, but I doubt you are now. Relationships have problems and bumps, but you nearly always make it through."

Katniss nervously runs the pad of her finger around her can, debating whether to tell them that it wasn't Gale she had sex with. Maybe she could, as long as she didn't bring up Peeta's name. She finds that they might even be able to help her. "Listen," Katniss says, "this whole Gale and Glimmer thing... I don't think they're fucking or cheating or doing god knows what."

"I don't think so, either," Delly agrees. "I mean, Glimmer is dating Cato."

This gets Katniss' attention. "Is she?"

"Yeah, they've been dating on and off for, like, two years I think. All of the photos she posts on Facebook are of her and him, on dates and stuff," Delly tells her.

"I didn't know Glimmer dates Cato," Madge says.

"I didn't, either," Katniss admits.

There's a long silence before Delly says, "If Glimmer was cheating on Cato with Gale, I feel bad for the fucker, because if Cato fights him, Gale will be going home without any legs." The legs comment brings Peeta to Katniss' mind and she rubs her forehead. "I doubt that Gale would risk it. They're probably just friends. And if you two just had sex, then he obviously feels something for you."

"We didn't just have sex, Dells," Katniss says.

"What?" asks Madge. "Were you lying to us about being-?"

"No," Katniss cuts over her with a surge of confidence, "I just had sex with somebody else." They both stare at her with disbelief. "I know it's crazy," She admits. "Just hear me out, okay? I'm having sex lessons of somebody." Their eyes widen. "It's no big deal."

"Well, yeah it fucking is," Madge says. "Are you bullshitting?"

"No," Katniss says, "I'm not bullshitting."

There's a long silence before Delly says, "You realize you're cheating on Gale, right?"

"I'm not, though," Katniss protests, "because I'm doing this _for_ him." Delly looks intrigued, Madge a little confused. "This way, I can gain experience off somebody and, well, _demonstrate _my skills to Gale to show him that I'm good at this stuff."

"You're an idiot," Madge tells her.

"Thanks," She answers dryly, "but I'm not."

"It sounds like an excuse, Katniss," Madge says, "to fuck somebody else. You've only had sex with Gale _twice_. I mean, it's not going to be like a porno or like you see in movies when you're only just starting out. And now, you're banging somebody else just because you can with the excuse that you're doing this for _him_? This would crush him, Katniss! You're cheating on him whether you're on a break or not!"

"Who are you having the lessons from?" Delly asks.

"I can't tell you," Katniss says, "but I think you're wrong, Madge. This man who I'm getting the lessons from, he genuinely wants to help. He's really sweet and nice."

Madge leans in a little closer, and Katniss drops her gaze. "You're smitten, aren't you?" Madge says. "You like this teacher boy." When Katniss doesn't answer, Madge sighs. "If you want my advice, Katniss," says Madge, "break it off. No good can come from this. Either end it with Gale or end it with your teacher boy, or soon, you'll be hurting a lot of people's feelings."

Katniss remains silent, because deep down, she knows she is right. That sooner or later, Gale will find out, or that Peeta will want to stop, or something else will stop her from having two roads to go down. That if she doesn't make a choice or a good decision soon, the consequences will be in the hands of the person she has undoubtedly hurt the most: Gale. And she has a feeling that maybe she is using this teacher thing as an excuse. But she doesn't know how eager she is to cut either of them off.

"Whatever Gale is doing with Glimmer, which is probably nothing," Madge continues, "you owe him the truth. Or at least, the security that the only person you're having a relationship with is him. And he owes you that, too. Have you had a serious chat about your feeling for each other yet?" Katniss says she hasn't. "Then maybe that's what you need to do," She says. "Get him alone, sit him down, and talk. Ask him if he wants to continue your relationship, and in the meantime, think about whether you want to, as well. Ignore his popularity or attractiveness and think, Katniss; deep down, can you imagine a future with him? I'm not saying you have to get married and have tons of children, but can you both be with each other knowing that you don't trust each other?"

"Gale trusts me." Katniss argues faintly.

"Well, he shouldn't," Madge snaps, a little too harsh for Katniss' taste. "I mean, you're fucking somebody else, I don't think you're the embodiment of someone who deserves to be trusted. I don't mean to be rude, but-" She cuts herself off.

"I get it, Madge." Katniss says after a few moments of silence. "I just..." She has no defence for herself, because she knows that she's in the wrong. That maybe this whole teacher thing was an excuse to get closer to Peeta and that maybe it was just a way to lash out at Gale. That now she is close to losing her boyfriend, she's afraid, but too attached to Peeta to let either of them go. _I_, she decides, _am selfish_. "I'll talk to him."

* * *

_Thanks for reading and I just want to put here a friendly little notice here that I'm trying to keep sex realistic, in case you may have been a little disappointed or whatever with the Everlark sex scene. First times with people are awkward. And most people have two legs! _

_I said at the beginning about some reviews about the Gale/Katniss relationship, and I think that this review posted by a reader with the username 'MrsCullenMellark' sums it up pretty well. "Now as far as WHY Katniss is doing all this, my take on it is she's afraid to leave Gale because he's familiar territory. I think she's making excuses in her mind like this lesson taking to better her and Gale because she's afraid to admit what she really wants."_

_If you're a little confused still, have a scroll through some of the reviews because I think a lot of them are on the nose about the Everthorne relationship. _

_Thanks again and if you could review that'd be lovely._


	4. a young heart confusing my mind

_Thanks for clicking on 'next chapter' and I hope you enjoy the following chapter which includes some arguing, cafeteria bullying and kissing! For future reference, I will try to keep updates on Saturdays so I have a week to produce a 7,500 – 9,000 word edited chapter like a true fan fiction author! _

_Your reviews once again were so great to see and I hope I didn't miss anybody out when I was replying to them. You're a lovely bunch and I love seeing your hopes for future chapters and how you think their problems will be resolved and everything like that. Your opinions on Katniss' situation are fantastic and I love to read your thoughts. Thank you all!_

_I don't own The Hunger Games. Ugh._

* * *

THE NEXT DAY, Gale is back walking with Katniss again, and though they don't hold hands, she feels hopeful; hopeful that maybe his car trips to school with Glimmer are over and that he'll be back with her. Gale hasn't told her their break is over, but she hopes that it is. Though she now has the comfort and knowledge that Glimmer and Cato are dating, she can't help but feel a little envious of Gale's friendship with Glimmer. As a pretty blonde girl with wide eyes and a big smile, Glimmer is pretty intimidating, or at least she is to her.

"Gale?" Katniss says after he has finished telling some story. "Will you come over to my place tonight?" His eyebrows lift a little as he looks down at her, his eyes a little hopeful. She knows what he is thinking, so she corrects him before he can ask. "I just want to go over some school stuff, and we can order pizza, if you want."

"Sounds good," After a few seconds, he reaches for her hand, and she slips her fingers into his. He squeezes her fingers in the way he always does, and they smile a little at each other. "We'll have to get pineapple, though."

Katniss groans. Her mother likes the fruit on her pizza too, so maybe that's why Katniss hates it so much. But Gale is obsessed with it, and whenever they order out, he always begs her to have his choice instead of her usual meat feast. She normally says no, but since she is trying to get into his good books, she complies. "Fine," Katniss sighs, "as long as we can get-" She cuts herself off when Peeta overtakes them on the sidewalk. Their eyes meet, and a smile falls onto his lips. She is about to say hello when Gale's fingers tightly squeeze hers, and she knows that he has seen his grin. After he's far ahead, she says, "Jesus, Gale, you're cutting off my circulation."

He releases his tight grip on her hand and says, "Sorry. He was eyeing you up, that's all."

Trying to keep things playful, she teases him. With a nudge, she asks him, "Oh, are you _jealous_, Hawthorne?"

Fortunately, he plays along. "Never, Everdeen," Gale grins, and with a sharp squeal from her, he picks Katniss up and swings her around, and when he sets her back down, she wonders whether Peeta can feel her eyes burning into the back of his head.

When they get to school, it's almost back to normal. Gale and Katniss shove each other in the corridors, people comment on how cute they are – a statement which they both heavily deny – and whenever they link hands, he takes their entwined fingers and swings them between their bodies. In Biology, he lets her copy from his notes, and at break, she lends him hers for History. But the happy mood she is sporting falters at lunch, when Glimmer and Cato join them at their table, and Gale's arm tightens around Katniss' shoulders, and even when Katniss looks down at her tray, she can feel Cato's eyes on her forehead.

He speaks first. "Why'd you protect the Mellark kid?"

"Cato," Gale warns.

"He just looked like he needed defending," Katniss answers, her eyes meeting Cato's. His stare is cold and patronizing but she refuses to curl up against his intimidating gaze. "I mean, you had the upper hand anyway. We all knew what the result was going to be." Even though Cato is wearing a long sleeved shirt, she can see his biceps straining against the fabric. "It just didn't seem fair. What did he do, anyway?"

"Nothing," Cato admits. "He just walks around – or, well, _limps_ around like a fucking saddo." He takes a slurp of his Coke, before adding, "Plus, I mean, we all know what happens over at the Mellark's. Maybe he needed toughening up."

Gale grimaces but says nothing, so it is Katniss that once again goes running to Peeta Mellark's defence. Glimmer stays silent, on her phone. "That's not fair," Katniss insists. "That's not fair of you to say about him. And you have no idea what happens at the Mellark's, so maybe you should keep quiet about things that don't concern you. And the limp thing is a fucking low blow, or at least it is in my opinion."

"Good job your opinion doesn't matter," Cato retorts. "You're just being nonsensical."

"I hate men that feel the need to use big words to compensate for their small penis." Glimmer looks up at her with her eyebrows raised and Gale's arm tightens around her shoulders, but she shakes him off. "Fuck this," Katniss stands up, grabs hold of her rucksack and stomps off. She can hear Gale apologizing on her behalf, and as she bursts out of the cafeteria, she can hear him following her. "Don't even say anything."

"I wasn't planning too," Gale admits. Her eyes sting as she storms along the tiles, and he doesn't try to catch up. Instead, he lets her go.

She goes into the girl's toilets and collapses onto the seat, shaking as she covers her face with her hands. She feels furious, and upset, and angry and pissed that Gale didn't defend Peeta, or at the very least, since she knows that Gale doesn't really know him, defend _her_. Hot tears fall onto her palms, and she indignantly wipes them away. She muffles her gulping sobs into her hand and it takes a few moments for her to calm down. When she does, she blows her nose into the toilet paper and rises from the toilet seat. Her phone, as she goes to wash her hands, vibrates in her pocket and she looks at it to find a message from Gale: _sorry. didn't mean to upset you. cato is a cunt._

She heads outside, hoping that Gale is waiting by the toilet's door but she finds that he is not. To act as if she doesn't care she's alone, she puts in her ear buds and pretends to listen to music as she walks aimlessly around the school. She is running up a staircase when she spots Peeta at the top with a friend, and spins around on her foot, suddenly not prepared to talk to him when she was going to say hello to him this morning. She hears him say her name - "Hey, Katniss; wait up!" - but she takes advantage of the fact that on his leg, he won't reach her in time, and she is swallowed up into the crowd before he can make it to the bottom of the stairs.

* * *

Katniss leaves the school after the final bell with the satisfaction that she has avoided Peeta for the entire day. She's not sure exactly why she is so eager not to have a conversation with him – she blames it on what Madge told her the day previous, about how eventually, she is going to have to make a choice.

She knows that in her head she has convinced herself that the longer she avoids Peeta, the longer she can go without making a decision. But she probably does have to decide: should she break it off with Gale or Peeta? Honestly, she has no idea, but she knows that the choice should probably be simple. She has known Peeta not even a week, and she has known Gale almost a year. But time shouldn't have anything to do with your feelings for somebody.

Gale doesn't walk home with her as he has to pick up his brother's and his sister on Tuesdays so she walks home alone and for the majority of the journey, the only noise is the sound of her feet hitting the sidewalk until she hears Peeta's voice again, dragging her into the harsh reality of her ever present situation. "Hey!" He calls from behind her. "Wait up!"

She turns and Peeta is speeding towards her, his leg slowing him down a significant amount. She is unsurprised he is unable to do sports. When he makes his way to her side, he is breathing hard; he must have been moving for a long time. "Hey, Peeta," Katniss says, as casually as she can even though she is panicking a little. "I haven't seen you today."

"I know," Peeta says, "because you've been avoiding me." She mentally swears and he glances at her, waiting for her to defend herself, but she doesn't. "What's wrong?" He asks her. "Did I upset you or something? I'm sorry if I did, I didn't mean too."

Peeta immediately thinking that he has done something wrong makes Katniss feel guiltier than ever. "It's not you, Peeta," She reassures him. "I'm sorry. I guess... I'm in a weird mood. I don't really know how I feel." He looks at her curiously, and she knows that he wants to know what is happening in her hand, but she doesn't know herself. Madge's words keep swirling round and round, and she doesn't know how to clear them. "I'm just..."

"You don't have to make up an excuse," He tells her. "It's okay. Nobody can be happy all of the time, can they?" Katniss nods in agreement, and they are silent as the pass a soccer field. Prim has training tonight, and already Katniss can spot the cones being set out by some of the parent volunteers. She also sees Effie Trinket who is perhaps the most noticeable of them all in bright pink sweatpants. Peeta sees where she is staring and asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yeah," Katniss says, and waves in the direction of the pitch when she notices Effie beaming at her. "She - she used to look after me and my sister when I was younger. She has a son of her own now, but... you know, her husband coaches Prim's soccer team, so when I drop Prim off sometimes we talk." For some reason, she feels guilty for ignoring Effie for all of these years, too. Recently, it feels like everything shitty she has done has come back to bite her on the ass. Effie was only trying to keep their friendship going after Prim was old enough to be home alone and Katniss treated her with hostility, even if she never voiced it, every time Effie tried to reach out to her. She swallows hard on the lump in her throat and adds, "She's crazy, though."

Peeta studies her for a few moments before asking her, "Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know," Katniss admits. They cross the road from the soccer pitch and turn the corner onto the street where Gale and Katniss' boulder sits by the Mellark's fence. "But, I – anyway, I'm sorry for today. I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, I don't mean it."

"I really doubt you're a bitch," Peeta says, and there's that smile again; it's the smile that makes warmth spread across her chest and it's the smile that makes, in her opinion, a poor substitute fall onto her own lips. "That's a horrible word, anyway. And don't apologize, yeah?" They both stop outside of the gate and Peeta swings it open with his body still facing her. Peeta looks like he is thinking about something, but instead of voicing his thoughts he says, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then; on the way to school."

"And after," She insists, and he looks a little surprised. He obviously saw her and Gale together this morning and probably assumed that something had shifted between them, but Katniss decides that if she is going to talk to Gale today, she might as well talk to Peeta, too. It'll give her time, she decides, to work out how she feels, not that she has even considered any of her feelings yet. "I kind of want to talk to you."

Looking a little nervous, he answers, "Yeah, okay." She turns to leave when he blurts out her name and she turns around again, looking expectant. He looks even more worried. "I need you to do me a favour." Curious, she raises her eyebrows. "There's this stupid party at this art gallery across town. I did – I got invited to go, and I have two guest tickets. Since my parents – my Dad and Mom, they can't make it, so I gave one of the tickets to Johanna, since we're just friends now, obviously. And I was wondering... do you want the other ticket?"

She's surprised, but she tries to mask it when she asks, "You want me to go to the party with you?" He looks hopeful as he nods. She can't help but feel a little pleased. "How did a seventeen year old manage to get invited to a prestigious ticket-needing event?"

"I'll explain when we're there," Peeta says, "that's if you want to go."

Katniss' teeth snag on her bottom lip momentarily before saying, "I'd love too." His lips tug up into the smile that she loves and she can't help but grin a little back. "You can text me the details, if you want, and give me the ticket tomorrow when you come over?"

"Sounds good," Peeta says, and then hesitates, watching her write her number on the back of his hand, just like he did with his number on hers. "Thanks, Katniss." He says when she is finished.

"Who is offering who a ticket to a party?" She teases, and he smiles some more. "See you later, Peeta." They both say their goodbyes and she heads home, her cheeks warm as she thinks of how Peeta Mellark invited her to a party and how she will be with him all evening and even though she knows that his ex, Johanna, will be there, she can't help but feel pleased. He could have invited one of his brothers – and the 'my parents can't come' excuse seems a little odd – but instead, he invited _her_.

But when she gets home, the good feeling crumbles in her chest, leaving her with nothing. She pulls off her rucksack, and when she goes into the kitchen, she jumps when she sees her mother standing by the kitchen counter. Their eyes briefly meet – not in the way Peeta's and Katniss' do, where they sneak peeks at each other. It is awkward, nerve-wracking and uncomfortable for them both – before both of their eyes flick to the tiles. Katniss swallows hard.

For Katniss' entire life, she can't remember ever thinking of her mother as the good guy instead of the villain. To her, her Mom has always been the person who works late and leaves Katniss to make dinner and look after Prim. She is the woman who drove their father away and the woman who has never tried to make things better between them, but to be fair, Katniss has never tried to make amends either. Katniss knows that she has never given her Mom the credit she deserves. She knows, deep down, that her mother raised two children on her own and still kept a high paying doctor's job, but Katniss usually dismisses those facts, claiming that she was either dragged up instead of raised or that she was the one that puts in all of the work.

But today, since she is apparently feeling guilty about everything, she considers saying something about their rocky relationship but dismisses the thought immediately, knowing that the topic is awkward for both of them. So instead, she says, her voice barely a whisper, "Mom?"

Her mother's head snaps up and she looks shocked that her oldest child has addressed her. She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and says, "Yes?"

"I..." Katniss' mouth dries up and she can't think of anything to say, so for a few moments, they simply stare at each other, unsure what to say. Her mother looks very different to her, another divide between them. Katniss, with her straight black hair and olive coloured skin and grey eyes, is a world away from her mother's and Prim's blonde, wavy hair and their blue eyes and pale, rosy skin. "Gale is coming over tonight," She says faintly, "if that's okay with you."

Katniss has never asked her mother for permission for anything before, but her Mom acts like this is the norm when she replies, "Yeah, that's fine." There's a pause before she adds, as if she forgot, "sweetie."

Katniss jerkily nods and heads towards the fridge. She pulls out a juice box and heads up the stairs, feeling stupid and wishing that she'd never even spoken to her mother at all. After she has closed the bedroom door behind her, she sinks to the carpet and rests her head against the door. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip and she lets her eyes close, thinking about the time when she slammed her bedroom door in her mother's face only to have caught her own fingers as she did so. She was eight at the time, and howling with pain, she had stood snivelling and crying as her Mom ran the cold tap over her fingers. After, when her Mom was about to kiss her, she had jerked her head away, and snotty and tearful, she had darted back upstairs again.

Katniss' eyes open to study her fingers now, as if they were still red and throbbing like they were on that day, and then she shoves them moodily into her pocket. She shouldn't feel bad for her Mom, she decides. Katniss is not the only one that acts like she shares a house with Prim and a stranger.

By the time she goes downstairs again to answer the door when the doorbell goes, her mother has gone to work. Katniss is glad as she doesn't have to talk to her, and when she throws open the door Gale stands on her doorstep. She beckons him in and leads him into the living room, where Prim sits putting on her sneakers. "Do you want me to walk you to practice?" Katniss asks as Gale pulls off his jacket.

"I'm fine," Prim says, "you need to stop worrying." She rises, plants a kiss on Katniss' cheek, and gives a hurried hug to Gale before leaving the room. Katniss listens as the front door squeaks open, and then slams shut. She watches from the window, like a concerned mother, as Prim rushes off down the driveway.

Katniss manages to tear herself away from the window when Prim disappears and she turns around to see that Gale has settled down on her couch. She takes a deep breath before asking him, "Are we still on a break, or not?"

"That depends," Gale answers. "Do you want to be on a break?"

"I never did," She tells him, "so I guess not. Or maybe I do, I don't know, I mean, it wasn't my idea. And at lunch today – it would have been nice if you defended me. I mean, Cato was being a little bitch and you didn't try and do anything at all. I wish you'd jumped in."

"Did you invite me over just to accuse me of stuff?"

She is silent for a few moments, considering his question, and then she flops down into her mother's armchair and answers, "Maybe. I guess I take some of the blame, too." Seeing he looks confused, she explains. "Listen; seeing you with Glimmer made me jealous, okay? The way you hung out when I was by myself made me want to be with you. And yet when I _am_ with you, all we do is fight. So I'm starting to think-" She cuts herself off. "All I feel is jealousy when I see you with somebody else. I'm scared of losing you and it's ridiculous but then again I don't know why it is so outrageous. I mean, fucking look at you."

Gale's brow furrows as he asks, "What do you mean by that?"

"You're just... you _must_ see the way people look at you." She knows that he must notice the way Glimmer, even if in a relationship with Cato, gazed up at him as if he was amazing, and how she herself gapes at him, too. She has never denied the fact that even standing next to him makes her feel dizzy with happiness and how when she is near him, she feels almost cool, or at least special, as if she has been specifically selected to hang around with him. "You're this great person. You're everybody's favourite guy."

"That's not true," Gale contradicts. "I'm not everybody's favourite guy at all. Look at Cato. I'm convinced he hates my guts."

"Maybe that's because you give the sex eyes to his girlfriend every ten seconds," She snaps, before realizing that she is accusing him again. She rubs her forehead and sits up straight in the chair. "I don't even _mean_ to be a bitch to you. It just kind of happens – we clash and we get pissed at each other. And who can blame us? We're both off with other people." Katniss quickly realizes her mistake and hurries to distract him. "We don't just _hang out_ anymore. It's like we have to prove to ourselves and to other people that we're happy, and maybe we're not."

Gale leans forward and says, "So what do you want - for us to break up?"

"Not break up," She decides after a few moments, "but some more time." Extending the break gives her time to talk to Peeta and attend the party he invited her too without feeling guilty about Gale. It also gives him some space to decide his feelings for Glimmer, if any exist, and figure out what to do about Cato. She finds that if he finds happiness with Glimmer, maybe she doesn't mind. Thinking about this logically helps her a little. "I guess you could go to school with Glimmer, if you want; just for a week or so, to see how it goes."

Gale rubs his mouth before saying, "Maybe that's a good idea." Their eyes meet before they flick away, and Gale moves his hand to the back of his neck. "Being in love sucks, doesn't it?"

Without thinking, she replies, "I wouldn't know."

She knows she has dug deep so she doesn't meet his eyes when he rises from the couch and grabs his jacket. He hesitates for a moment, but then he walks out. She flinches when she hears the front door slam again and she gets to her feet to watch him walk away, but in the short time it takes him to get to the window, Gale has gone.

* * *

Katniss is making spaghetti for dinner when her phone buzzes in her pocket. Prim is sat on the kitchen table with Buttercup on her lap, but the steam is making him yowl. Frustrated, Katniss barks behind her, "Prim, shut that freaking cat up before I kick that little bastard out," before picking up her phone without looking at the contact who is calling. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Peeta."

"Oh!" She dumps the wooden spoon, which she had been stirring the spaghetti with, back into the boiling water and hurries from the kitchen for some privacy. "Don't touch the food," She whispers to Prim, not wanting her little sister to burn herself, before exiting the kitchen and closing door behind her. "Hey, Peeta!"

"I'm just calling about the party," Peeta tells her, "you can still go, right?"

"Can I still go from when I told you I could four hours ago?" Katniss says with a smile. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can. No plans have leaped out at me since I agreed to go."

"Excellent," He sounds like he is grinning, too. It makes her chest feel warm. "So the party starts at seven on Friday night. I know it's short notice but I only asked my parents last night and they said that they didn't want – they said they couldn't go, so I had to consult my emergency back-ups."

"Oh, I'm second choice?" She teases.

"No, shit, I didn't mean-" He cuts himself off and says instead, "You're joking, right?"

"Yes," She grins.

"Oh, good, because I didn't mean to make you feel-" Aware of his ramblings, he gives a little nervous cough and says, "Anyway, I, uh, can always pick you up at around half six if you want to do that. I'm picking up Johanna first because she lives further away, so it's gonna be picking up her, then you, then the party, if that sounds good."

"It does," She hears the cat give a low yelp from the kitchen and she opens the door to check on what is going on. "Prim, put the fucking cat down," Katniss hisses, watching her sister cradle the thrashing cat to her chest. "It'll rip you to shreds, just put him down." Prim obeys and the cat practically leaps from her lap and darts from the kitchen, sending a quick, loud hiss in Katniss' direction before running into the living room. Katniss rolls her eyes and then leans against the wall again. "Sorry, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I am. Are things pretty crazy over there?"

"Not really," says Katniss. "We have this stupid, wild cat and there's spaghetti cooking. That's how I'm spending my night. Anyway, you were talking about the whole pick-up arrangement thing? I think that sounds like a good idea; is the dress code formal or not?"

"Not really," He replies. "I guess you can give something like sweatpants a miss, though."

"Right," She says, and there is a moment of silence, but it is pleasant because she can hear his light breathing on the other end. "I probably have to go make sure that the spaghetti isn't burning. Are you still coming over tomorrow?

"I'm not sure," Peeta admits. "I might have to work overtime at the bakery. There's a wedding and I do the cakes." Katniss never knew this. She thinks of the cakes that sometimes sit in the Mellark's bakery window, and how Peeta's hands must have frosted them all. She can't help but grin when she thinks, _he's got talented fingers_. "But I'll see you at school."

"Yeah," Katniss says, "I'll see you then, then."

"Okay," Peeta says, and there's a long silence that is broken when Peeta chuckles. "Okay," He says again, "bye, Katniss."

"Bye," She says, and it takes her a while to hang up.

She shoves her phone back into her pocket before going back into the kitchen. She feels Prim watching her as she pours the water and now cooked spaghetti into a colander over a bowl. She pours the water into the sink and dishes the spaghetti out into two bowls. Just as she is grabbing the sauce, Prim asks, "Who was that?"

"A friend," She says carefully as she dishes out the pesto sauce onto each bowl. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water, please," Prim says before adding, "Just a friend? It wasn't Gale?"

"Not Gale," She says, avoiding Prim's first question as she carries both of their bowls to the table. "Eat it up before it gets cold, yeah?" She sits in the chair opposite Prim and when she feels her sister's eyes on her face, she asks, "What?"

"Nothing," Prim says, "you're just smiling."

"Can't I smile without being glared at?"

"Of course you can," says Prim, "you just don't smile that often. It's nice but it's unfamiliar." Katniss munches on a forkful of spaghetti and says nothing. "Effie was asking about you after practice." Prim adds, and Katniss looks at her. "She got all teary. Said that she thought that me and you are pearls."

Katniss frowns as she chews. "That's sweet, I guess," She says after a moment's deliberation. "I think so, anyway."

"It was meant to be a compliment," Prim says with a slight grin. "You always think the worst of people, don't you?" Katniss once again stays silent. "I heard you talking to Mom earlier. It made me realize that you two don't really talk that much." Even though Prim tries to mask it, Katniss sees the hurt in her eyes. As the youngest, she has only her older sister and mother to dote on. "I didn't even know what to tell Effie when she asked me how Mom was."

It occurs to Katniss that Prim knows more than she thought. That Prim might have read one of the labels of their mother's anti-depressants or caught her sobbing on the carpet, alone. She gulps down the spaghetti and tells her, "In the future... just change the subject."

Prim, with her eyes slightly teary, nods, and Katniss takes her spaghetti upstairs to finish alone.

* * *

At lunch the next day, Gale thumps into the seat next to her. His tray clatters against the table as he growls, "We need to talk." Katniss says nothing, watching him as he pulls off his rucksack and dumps it onto the table. She feels almost tired of talking. He knows what they agreed on. "I just want to say to you that I'm not dating Glimmer."

"I know," She says impatiently. "She's dating Cato."

"Right," Gale says, "she is. So I know you want this break, but if you think that I'm going to be off fucking somebody else during it, you're wrong, alright?" Goosebumps break out across her skin as she nods. "Okay?" He adds, less aggressive now.

"Okay," Katniss says faintly. She looks up when she sees Peeta stood by the edge of the table, a tray in his hands. A slip of paper is wedged between his fingers, and she realizes, after a few moments, that it must be her ticket for the party on Friday.

She is about to say something when Gale snaps, "What?"

"Nothing," Peeta says back. "I'm just walking past, that's all."

"Yeah, well, go limp somewhere else." Gale retorts, and Katniss glares at him. Flushing red, Peeta nods and walks stiffly away. Katniss knows that he is trying to avoid hobbling. Gale glares down at his tray before looking back up at Katniss, who is stubbornly attacking her apple with a plastic fork. "You're pissed at me again." Gale says. "You don't even _know_ the Mellark kid."

"That doesn't matter," She says, and gets to her feet when somebody purposely pushes their chair out. Peeta gets his leg hooked around the chair leg and falls; his body hits the tiles and his food splatters over his t-shirt. "Shit," She hurries over as the gang of boys on the neighbouring table crow with delight. She bends down beside him as he sits up and she asks, "Are you okay?"

Bright red, he sheepishly nods, and tries to get to his feet. Katniss realizes he is struggling and she helps get him to his feet. He slips a little, but stays upright. Together, they scoop his now ruined food back onto his tray and Peeta says, "Thanks, Katniss," in a voice that is so small she fears she has imagined it until she sees the small, wary smile on his lips.

"It's fine," She reassures him, before shooting a death glare at the still laughing table of boys to her left. "What the fuck are you all laughing at?" She snaps. Peeta tugs on her arm, murmuring something she can't hear. "You're a bunch of fucking dicks, you know that?" Peeta's grip, though light, reminds her of what she has just done; she has defended the Mellark kid, again, in front of the entire school, again. But this time, she doesn't care. "Go fuck yourselves."

Katniss storms off with Peeta following her. He trails after her until they are alone in a deserted corridor, and she sinks against the tiles with defeat, rubbing her hands against her face. He hovers by her side for a few moments before awkwardly sitting down beside her, his real knee against his chest, and his fake leg stretched out in front of him. After a few moments, he slowly puts his arm around her shoulders, unsure if this is allowed, but he is reassured as she rests her head on his shoulder. His t-shirt feels damp and smells sweet, like apple juice. Peeta's drink must have burst all over him when he fell. "It's okay," He comforts her, as if it was _her_ that was tripped. "I'm used to it; it's okay."

But his words just make her feel worse. He shouldn't be used to it. What has Peeta done wrong, ever? She can't think of anything. "It's not fair," She mumbles against his t-shirt. She can't help but think that it was _Gale_ that deserved to stumble, not Peeta. Gale, after all, was the one making the cruel comments.

_What has gotten into him? _She wonders. _Was he always like this and I was too blind to realize it?_

She thinks of the little comments he made to people he didn't like, how his arm would grip her a little too tightly when a boy went past them. How he kicked her out when they had sex the first time and how they argued half-naked the second. How empty and upset she felt and how when he was with Glimmer and not with her, how jealous and annoyed she felt. How he dismissed all of her feelings with an unconcerned wave of his hand. Then, Katniss thinks of Peeta; smiling and laughing and being lovely to everybody. Making light jokes about his leg, and joking with her to keep her relaxed before they slept together. How he gives her bakery goods. How he helped her revise for her History test.

She peeks up at him through her eyelashes, and she finds that she is glad that she is in his arms. Because right now, she can't imagine being in anybody else's.

But she knows that it can't last long. Someone could see them. Anybody could see them. This is High School, after all. Gossip spreads like a wildfire, and they would find themselves victims. So after a few more moments, he pulls away, because he understands, too. "I have your ticket," He tells her timidly, "for the party on Friday." It's crumpled, but Katniss presses down on the creases until they fade. "I didn't really think before I walked up to you and Gale. I shouldn't have done it when you two were together, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Katniss looks at him to check he isn't joking before saying, "Peeta, you have every right to come up to me at lunch without being humiliated or snapped at. I'll talk to Gale about how he talks to you. He's being a pig."

"You don't have to do that," Peeta says hurriedly. "I don't want you two to argue."

"Sometimes arguing is inevitable," She mutters grumpily. "And it's worth it, for you." Their eyes meet for a moment before his gaze flicks to the floor. Her eyes fall to his lips, which are chapped and a pale pink colour, but she knows she can't kiss him. Not in school, not when she can't use the lessons as an excuse. She'll have to wait. "Do you think you can come over tonight?"

He glances at her before replying, "Yeah, probably. Sorry I blew you off. Like I said, weddings are a bit crazy."

"It's fine," She tells him, "shall I order a pizza for around half six?"

"That sounds good," Knowing that walking through the school together would be a bad idea, he rises and awkwardly brushes down his t-shirt, where crumbs cling to the sticky fabric. "I guess I'll see you at your place, then." He offers Katniss his hand and she takes it, rising to her feet. "And I can bring some food, if you want."

Even though she knows it's risky, she quickly plants a kiss on his cheek, and he looks flustered but pleased when she pulls away. "No food," She tells him, pretending to be firm. "I definitely owe you a free pizza by now." They grin shyly at each other. "See you later, Peeta."

She hurries off with her cheeks burning and her skin tingling with anticipation, wondering whether she should dare a glance behind her, but she resists.

* * *

On her way home, Katniss is side-tracked by the eccentric Effie Trinket. "Oh, Katniss!" Effie shrieks, rushing up to her in her pink stilettos and fuchsia sweatpants. "_Darling_!" She quickly kisses both of Katniss' cheeks. "How are you?"

"Pretty good," Katniss says. "What about you?"

"Oh, you know me, Katniss; I'm as happy as a clam." When Effie beams at her, Katniss notices a slither of lipstick on her teeth. She wonders whether she should point it out, but her thoughts are dragged into other matters when Effie adds, "I saw Gale with a blonde girl the other day, Katniss, and I feared the worst. Are you two okay?"

Katniss is about to roll her eyes but then she thinks that Effie might be helpful, or at least have some advice, so she asks timidly, "Effie... if I told you that I had a friend who was dating two people at once, what would you say?" She knows her story isn't exactly true, but saying it was her could potentially be disastrous. She knows, however, that Effie won't be judgemental like Delly or Madge. Despite her erratic nature, Effie means well. "I mean... what would you suggest they do?"

Effie looks confused when she asks, "Is this about Gale?"

"No," Katniss says hurriedly, "I was just wondering... what you would say to this person." Effie looks at her knowingly and Katniss swallows before allowing her gaze to flick to the grass. After a moment, Effie puts her arm around her shoulders and guides her onto the side of the pitch. They sit down together on the side-line, and Katniss looks at her expectantly. She watches Effie's purple lipped pout turn into a small grimace.

"I would say..." Effie begins. "I would say to this person: imagine how you would feel if you found out that one of these people you were dating was dating two people, too. Imagine how betrayed you would feel, and how hurt you would feel knowing that you weren't enough for them. That they felt the need to cheat on you to feel loved." Effie glances at her, and the look is filled with sympathy. Effie Trinket is no fool. "I think I would tell this person that they will be causing a lot of damage if they continue with what they're doing; that they need to make a choice or come clean."

Katniss chews the inside of her cheek for a few moments before saying, "Thanks, Effie, I'll, uh, tell her." Effie simply nods, and they watch as her husband Haymitch sets out some orange cones around the edge of the pitch. "I think it's just hard for her. I mean, she likes them both. I know that a part of her even loves them, even if it's not in the way they want."

Effie studies her before answering, "You can't help who you like, or who you fall in love with. People get hurt. It's the way it is." She says. "If they love yo- _her_ back, then they'll understand. That's what love is."

Before she can stand up, she feels Effie's long nails pressing against her wrist. "Katniss," She says. Her usually shrill voice is soft. "If you feel like you can't talk to your..." The word 'Mom' hangs in the air, but neither of them says it. "Then you can always talk to me; if you need somebody to talk too. I'm never too busy, you know that, right?"

With a lump in her throat, Katniss replies, "Thanks, Effie. I'll see you when I drop Prim off, okay?"

When she walks away, she can't help but feel a little enlightened. Even though Effie's advice was gloomy, Katniss thinks she's right, and at least lot less harsh than Madge was. She thinks about what Effie said about how she would feel if she was in Gale's shoes. How would she feel if she discovered that Gale was dating not only her, but Glimmer, too? She feels jealousy and anger in her chest at the thought.

_But I'm not even _dating_ Peeta_, Katniss argues weakly as she heads past her and Gale's old meet up boulder. She tosses a glance at the bakery, and smiles a little at the thought of Peeta inside. The small grin slips off her lips as soon as she realizes. _You need to talk to him, _she decides, _tonight_.

But when Peeta Mellark arrives on her doorstep, at first, they don't do much talking.

She kisses him immediately, practically dragging him deeper into her house. Her hands grip hold of the collar of his shirt, and he is hesitant, at first, to kiss her back. But after a few long moments his lips start to attack hers, and they kiss ferociously. Peeta's hands slide up her back and they bundle up the fabric of her t-shirt. They stumble backwards and her back hits the hallway wall, and for a moment, they break apart to giggle. She watches as his pupils swell and ebb, his blue irises darker than she's ever seen. "Sorry," He mumbles against her mouth.

"S'fine," She replies. His breath is hot against her lips, and it tickles her skin. Her fingers draw idle circles on the back of his neck, and she waits for him to make the first move. For a minute or so, they simply observe each other before he brushes his lips against hers, over and over, until his tongue dips into her mouth. His teeth run across her bottom lip when he pulls away, and he showers her neck with kisses. He nips her skin with his teeth, and she releases several loud, panting rasps. Her fingers run through his hair and they tug lightly on the roots. The tingling, only present when around him, spreads from her toes up to her head. She feels delirious, driven crazy by his mouth.

When their lips part again, he murmurs, "This doesn't feel like a lesson, Katniss."

"Maybe because it's not," Her eyelids open and she sees his eyes, wide and curious, gazing back at her. She takes a shaky breath before adding, "Let's just not think for a while." Not thinking means that no morals can make her nervous or guilty and no Gale can wander into her head. "I just want you to touch me." With a surge of confidence, she grips hold of his wrists and presses his hands against her breasts. "Please, Peeta," She says softly. His eyes are a dark, carnal colour, a mile away from their usual bright blue. "Peeta,"

She can see the flicker of uncertainly flash across his face, and she knows that he suspects that maybe she is doing this for more than she is suggesting. That maybe there is something more there than him just being a teacher and her a willing but inexperienced student. But if Peeta does question anything, he keeps quiet about it. Instead, he says, "I can't. Not whilst you're still kinda pissed at Gale. It would be..." His voice drifts off, and his eyes flicker to his hands. "Wrong," He concludes.

"Try not to think," She tells him.

"I can't," He insists. His hands drop from her chest. "I can't." He repeats. Feeling embarrassed, she nods and takes a step back, tucking the loose strands of her braid behind her ear. Sensing her disappointment, he adds, "I'm sorry, Katniss. I know we have an agreement, but... knowing that Gale annoyed you with the whole..." He doesn't go through the events of today. "I would feel like you're only doing it to get back at Gale."

"So what if I am?" She asks him, and he looks at her. "Is that so wrong?"

"Yes," He tells her, "because then you're not having sex because you want too. You're having sex before you feel the need too." She can't help but feel like a child underneath his words, as if he has years of wisdom to reflect on. She also kind of hates him, because he's right. He knows he is, too.

"Who says that I'm annoyed at Gale, anyway?" She asks.

Peeta shrugs. "I guess I am. I just kind of assumed. You looked pretty mad at him today." She recalls the anger she felt at Gale's mean comments, the desperation she felt as she ran away from her boyfriend and over to Peeta. How in that moment, and in so many recently, Katniss didn't want anything to do with Gale, because his comments just aren't funny to her anymore. "I don't know," says Peeta, "what is even going on between you two: whether you're still together or not; whether you still love him or not, or whether he still loves you; whether you two loved each other at all, or still do. Whatever. I don't know, anyway. But I can't help but think that if you still loved him, or ever loved him, you wouldn't be here with me. You wouldn't be telling me to forget that this isn't a lesson and to not think about it."

Katniss swallows hard before admitting, "I don't know what's happening between Gale and me. I guess it's complicated."

Peeta nods, his jaw clenched. "Maybe you should work it out," He tells her, "before you start telling me not to think about sleeping with you." He runs his hand through his naturally messy hair.

Katniss hesitates for a moment before saying, "To be honest, I don't see much difference between sex and a sex lesson."

"Neither do I," Peeta admits, meeting her eyes, "I never did. There isn't much difference, not really. I've always known that, I just tried to ignore it." The meaning to his words hits her and she ducks her head so she doesn't have to meet his eyes. "It's not too late to back out, Katniss," He tells her softly. "Remember, technically, you're the one in control here. Whatever is going on with Gale, and whatever is going on with us, I think we both know that it's not going to last. At the end of the day, three's a crowd, right?"

How many people have told her that now? Katniss counts them in her head: Madge, Effie, and now, Peeta. Ironically, the number is three.

"I'll let myself out, yeah?" Peeta says.

She doesn't stop him from going, even though she knows that he wants her too. What does he want her to say, anyway? _Oh, Peeta, it doesn't matter about my kind-of-boyfriend-but-we're-on-a-break-so-I-don't-know-what-to-class-him-as; fuck him, you're the one for me, I love you even though I've only known you almost a week and I just want to marry you and have your babies. _She watches as he struggles to shove his shoe onto his plastic foot._ That's not true, though. _She sees the door swing open, and hears his mumbled goodbye. He hesitates for a moment to shove his loose shoelace into place, and it is the perfect opportunity for her to stop him from leaving.

But she doesn't.

* * *

_Thanks for reading and reviews make my heart sing. I hope you enjoyed this sexless chapter and I hope you'll be glad to know that the next chapter includes lots of heated kissing and another sex session. But for now, Katniss has some choices to make. _

_Thanks again and I hope you stick around for next week!_


	5. torn apart

_Thanks for clicking 'next chapter' and I hope you enjoy this brand spanking new update that I may or may not have just finished editing. I'm cutting it short, I know!_

_Your reviews this week made me so freaking happy and thanks to everybody that wrote one out. There was a guest review I would have loved to have replied to about Gale/Katniss and how I've written Gale but since I can't, I'd like to put here that Gale only seems like a bit of an asshole because Peeta seems like a bit of an angel to her. In the future, if you do ever review, off-anon reviews are the way to go!_

_I've nothing to do with The Hunger Games, unfortunately._

* * *

KATNISS DOESN'T GO to school the next day. She doesn't even have to feign an illness. Her mother goes to work early and she lied to Prim, saying that she had forgotten to brush her teeth so her little sister would leave first. After Katniss was alone in the house, she locked the door, and then she changed into her sweats. She flops down in front of her television, and she slots Pretty Woman into the DVD player, thinking, _I'm avoiding Peeta_.

There's no denying it. He was her first thought when she awoke. There's no doubt in her mind that he will be her last thought before she goes to sleep. She thinks of his face when he left her house the day earlier and how disappointed and let down he looked as he exited. She thinks of how she hung by the window even after he'd left.

She puffs out her cheeks and then rubs her face with her hands. Lately, her life has been, in her opinion, petty and complicated, too stereotypically girly and irritating. She almost wishes that Gale and Peeta didn't exist, so Katniss could just fake her sexual experiences when talking about them with Delly and Madge, because having sex three times just isn't amazing to them.

_You need to stop trying to please people, _she thinks, _and start trying to please you. _It sounds like something Peeta Mellark would say, so she pushes the thought out of her head. Right now, she doesn't want to think about boys or school or sex or Delly and Madge. She just wants to sit by her TV forever and never move.

But by lunch, she is restless. As she eats some yogurt of her mother's from the fridge, she thinks of Peeta, and when she has finished eating, she wonders whether she should call him. She drums her fingers against the kitchen counter, arguing with herself as she angrily glares at a photo of her sister and Gale, which is on the fridge. She wonders if she should just at least _text_ him, or... she can't think of anything else. She longs to see him so she can apologize. So she can insist that everything was her fault, which, she decides, is probably true.

She gets her phone out to shoot him a message before angrily pushing it back into her sweatpants pocket. Texting is not a good way, she decides, to get what she wants to say across. She wants to see him face to face, to talk to him. She wants to make sure that she hasn't hurt him, because lately, she feels like she is hurting everybody. And she also wants to check that their agreement is still intact. Because even though she doesn't really care about pleasing Gale anymore, she is still determined to please Peeta. And, if she's honest with herself, she isn't sure why.

When school is over, Katniss goes to pick up Prim at her middle school. She looks surprised to see her older sister by her gates, and curiously walks towards her after giving a quick hug to her fleeting friends. "Hey," Prim says, her eyes narrowed a little with suspicion. "What are you doing here?" Her eyes suddenly widen. "Is it Mom?"

"No!" Katniss hurriedly insists, her gut dropping at the fact that Prim is so concerned about their mother when Katniss barely gives the woman a second thought. "No, Prim, of course not. She's at work. I just came to pick you up. I didn't mean to worry you."

"Okay," It takes a while for Prim to relax as they walk home. School children run past them, shrieking, and Katniss wrinkles her nose. Apart from Prim, she has never liked children. To her, they are noisy, sticky messes. "Can we stop by the Mellark's on our way home? I know it's only Thursday so the muffins aren't on sale, but I'm kind of hungry. Are you over at Gale's tonight or not?"

"Not," Katniss tells her, "and yeah, of course we can." Even though Katniss knows she risk bumping into Peeta, she knows it's bound to happen anyway. Maybe it is better that it's on his territory than hers. At least then he can't storm out or yell at her, though she doubts that he ever would. "I want to talk to Peeta, anyway," She adds, and Prim peers suspiciously up at her, but she says nothing.

They arrive at the Mellark's quickly and Katniss moves eagerly down the path, almost excited to see Peeta again, but when the bell rings as they swing open the door, she is disappointed to see that he is not there yet. His father stands behind the counter, with his wife, Peeta's Mom, to his left. Katniss subtly observes Mrs Mellark out of the corner of her eye. Katniss pretends to read a poster on one of the walls as Prim looks at the muffins. Mrs Mellark sweeps the floor almost robotically, her body stiffly jerking with every swipe of the broom. After Prim deliberates for a moment too long, the mother snaps, "Pick one or leave."

"Leave her alone," Katniss snaps back, "we'll be gone in a second." Their eyes meet, and Katniss sees that Peeta does not get his eyes from his Mom. Mrs Mellark's eyes are almost black and they are beady, dark and angry, stern and vicious. Peeta's are gentle and blue and pretty. She cannot find one resemblance between them. Now pretty eager to leave the building, Katniss says to her sister, "Hurry up, though."

When they get outside, Katniss hopes to catch a glimpse of Peeta by her old meet up boulder but she can't spot him, so they trudge home. She can't help but feel disappointed, because she wanted to resolve things with him or if she couldn't, give him his party ticket back. If he doesn't want her to go, he should at least invite another one of his friends.

But then, she spots him. Peeta is sat on her doorstep, waiting for her. Katniss' heart skips a beat and she rushes ahead to meet up with him. She helps him rise and then hug him, and after a few moments, Peeta's arms wrap around her, too. "I'm sorry," She gasps out, "I'm sorry I let you go last night. I'm sorry for trying to take advantage of the situation and everything; I'm sorry. Stay with me."

After a few seconds, he mumbles, "Always."

* * *

After Katniss has made Prim a snack, she heads upstairs, leaving Katniss and Peeta alone. For a few moments, they simply look at each other, before Katniss says, "Everything that you said last night was true. I need to choose. I know I do. But it's just a lot harder than I thought it would be." Admittedly, she's been avoiding thinking about it all together, but now, Gale and Peeta's names mingle together in her head. "Realistically, it should be Gale," She admits. "He's my real boyfriend, and I've known him longer so that should count in his favour."

"I never said you should choose, Katniss," He reminds her. "I said that three is a crowd, which is true. I have two brothers, I know." She wonders whether he is speaking of his mother abusing and neglecting him but not his siblings, but she doesn't get a chance to ask. She wouldn't have anyway. "I was kind of asking you whether you're okay with doing this. I'd never ask you to choose, Katniss. That's not fair. And if you did have too, I'd insist you chose him. I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all."

_Oh, Peeta_, she thinks. He is selfless, because out of their arrangement, the only one that can get truly butchered is him. She tries to think of a reply for him, but she finds she can't. There are too many things she finds wrong with what he said, but she doesn't want to go through and correct them all. She does it in her head instead. _I do have to choose, though. I'm not okay with doing this but I'm scared to lose you. I don't care if you'd insist that I choose Gale, I wouldn't. I don't want to get hurt but I'd rather I get hurt than you, because this is my fault. I got myself into this. Now it's my job to get everyone out and minimize the __casualties_.

"I just can't work anything out," Katniss admits. "I need to talk to Gale, but I don't want too. I've spoken to you but now I'm even more confused." He's so close to her she can smell his cinnamon and after shave and shower gel scent. It is very different from the smell of Gale's cigarettes which cling to his clothes. She shakes her thoughts of Gale free, and imagines them pouring out of her head like water pours out of a tap. "I want to think. Screw what I said last night. I want to think about your lips and your hands and you." His pupils, fat and curious, find hers. "I want a lesson, Peeta. Actions speak louder than words."

She can feel the heat from his mouth against her own lips when he says, "As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure." As soon as the words fall from her lips, Peeta is kissing her. She responds eagerly, and it is different to every kiss she has ever had with any person. It is hot. It makes her dizzy. Their tongues hungrily meet, and Peeta is not gentle. It makes her feel greedy. She feels like she needs more. Gale never kissed her like this. _Peeta_ has never kissed her like this. His hands grip hold of her and they practically tug her towards him, even closer than she was before, and their bodies entwine. In the short time their lips are apart, she mumbles, "The table."

But then she remembers Prim, and the thoughts of the table disintegrate. "Upstairs," She says, but Prim is up there, and she could hear them. Her hands grasp his collar, their lips millimetres apart. "Shit," She mumbles.

"The bathroom," He suggests, his voice rough, and she nods. He picks her up as if she is a bag of flour and she straddles his waist. They slam against the kitchen wall, and their lips impatiently meet again. Peeta's teeth graze her bottom lip and lightly bite down, causing her to sigh a little against his mouth. His fingers dig into her hips. Her legs tighten around his body, urging him closer. Her chest feels so tight with anticipation that she feels as if she cannot breathe, but she notices, vaguely, that there are no nerves present. As always, she feels safe with him.

Blindly, they stumble into the downstairs bathroom. He locks the door behind them and pulls off his shirt, and she fumbles with her own. Together, they yank it off, and throw it away from them; it lands in the bathtub. They kiss again and her breasts feel warm against his bare chest. Her fingers cling to his hair, yanking hard on the strands. Somehow, they end up against the tiles, with him on top of her, her legs wrapped loosely around his hips. Her heart eagerly beats and her body tingles as he uncertainly rises before unzipping his jeans. She slips off her sweatpants, lifting up her torso so she can yank them off with one swift tug.

It's then she remembers his leg. He wrestles it free from the denim easy enough, but she knows that he might need to take it off. He doesn't bring it up, however; instead, he asks, "Got any condoms?" She can see his erection against his boxers, and she loses her train of thought for a moment before he repeats his question.

"Shit," She says, slightly out of breath. "There'll be some in the cupboard, maybe." Peeta rips it open and searches hurriedly inside, and produces a box that is full. It doesn't surprise Katniss in the slightest that they haven't been opened. Peeta swiftly tears the box and produces one of the foil packets, and instead of looking away, she watches as he pulls down his boxer shorts.

He rips open the foil with his teeth and she asks, "Can I put it on?" He looks down at her, his chest heaving, and he nods. She gets on her knees, grips hold of his shaft, causing him to release a small grunt, and uses the small amount of knowledge she gained from Madge to roll the condom into place. She pinches the tip and jerks the condom up his shaft, and he grips onto the towel rail as she does so. It takes her a moment before she realizes that it probably felt good for him. Proud of herself, she grins at him mischievously from the floor and he helps her back onto her feet. "Are we not having sex on the floor?" She asks.

"It's hard with my leg on." He tells her, his cheeks tinted pink. "It'll have to be against the wall." But this idea seems more exciting to her, so she nods, and they stagger backwards until Katniss' back digs against the blue coloured tiles. He props her leg up, holding it in place against his hip with one of his hands, and his eyes meet hers. His gaze is so intense she is afraid to break it. "Are you sure?" He asks her, and she nods. "Yeah?" She nods again.

Her breath rattles as he pushes his hips against hers, and her mouth falls open as he pushes himself inside. There is a moment where neither of them move, before Katniss urges, "Go, Peeta!"

He begins thrusting, holding her up against the wall; rasps escape her mouth as she feels his cock sliding in and out of her folds, and she is light-headed as she rests her head against the tiles. Her hands rest on his shoulders, and she groans with each snap of his torso, releasing a wheeze with every slap of their skin as their hips collide. Her body bounces against the wall and she ignores the pain of her spine digging against the plaster.

Peeta's lips find her neck. He sucks, hard, and she gasps, resting one of her hands at the back of his head to push his face closer. Her vision blurry, she watches them fuck in the mirror over the sink, and admires the curve off his ass in the reflection. She sees her own face – flushed, her hair messy and her eyes bright. She allows her eyelids to flutter closed, trying not to care about how loud her moans are.

"You okay?" Peeta's voice rattles, and she nods. His lips find her neck again, no doubt leaving a hickey which she will have to cover up in the morning. She's tempted to leave it exposed, so that she can see it when she looks in the mirror, but she knows that realistically she shouldn't. She has school. "Hold on," He pants, and whilst supporting her leg with his body pressed hers, his other hand weaves down to massage her clit. "Good?"

Wordless, all she can do is nod.

After a few moments of this, she announces, "I'm gonna piss."

Peeta laughs, actually _laughs_, and assuring her, "You won't." Her brow creases with confusion so he says, "Relax, okay?" She trusts him, so she does. Her eyes close again and she allows her body to be rocked with each of his hard drives. She focuses on the feel of the pad of his thumb and how hot his breath feels against her neck, and the feeling of his torso slamming against hers, and then-

She's heard everything about orgasms from Delly and Madge over empty pizza boxes and beer cans. How they apparently make your vagina feel like a shooting star. But though she has always wondered about what they had felt like, she'd never even attempted to give herself one. So she wasn't ready for the sensation that rips across her body and that leaves tingling trails across her skin and causes her to dig her nails into Peeta's shoulders. She thrashes against the tiles, gasping as she clings to him. He continues moving as she comes, and when her eyes open, her vision is blurry and her head throbs. Her thighs ache with the effort of supporting herself against his body and the wall and after a few moments, she whispers, "Fuck."

Peeta persists with his eager drives and only a few seconds pass before he hisses. He gasps, throwing his head back, and she watches, feeling exhausted now, as his body relaxes. After a short while, he looks back at her, and gently sets her back onto her feet. They kiss, sweetly this time, before he says, "Well that was fun, huh?"

"That was really, really fun," She agrees. Her temples pound and she leans against the wall, wanting to fall asleep against it. She looks at herself again in the mirror. Her chest is red, her nipples hard and her hair swept onto one shoulder. Peeta plants another soft kiss on her lips, and she smiles weakly at him. "Thanks."

"You're thanking me for having sex with you?" Peeta asks, and his eyebrow quirks.

"Yes," She says, "I guess so." He doesn't insist upon an explanation, so she doesn't give him one. "I don't want to get dressed. I just want to sit with you. Or maybe we could shower." She suggests with an afterthought. "And get rid of the condom."

He does this now as she quickly grabs some fresh towels, and she switches on the shower, groaning with irritation when cold water shudders out. "This might take a while." Katniss tells him. "Do you want to take off your leg?" He nods and she helps him sit down onto the toilet seat, and she sweeps some off his blond hair off his forehead before planting a kiss against the skin there. "I liked it," Katniss whispers, "against the wall."

His voice is quiet when he replies, "Then we'll have to do it again sometime."

* * *

Katniss doesn't know how to feel the next day, when she wakes up in the midst of tangled bed sheets with her alarm sounding and her thighs throbbing. Peeta left soon after their shower, and only because Katniss' Mom was coming home. She watched him go down her driveway, and the guilt swept over her shoulders. She then headed into her bedroom, cried because of the guilt, and fell asleep.

Katniss kicks the duvet away from her and lies outstretched on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. She doesn't stay still for long; she roots under the bed for her small box of photos and digs one out of her and Gale. They stand together on a school trip a few months ago, and Gale holds the camera outstretched away from them, and they both grin at the camera. He's looking down at her like she is special, and she knows, that when she used to be with him all the time, that's all she felt.

She can't deny that she misses him, which confuses her more, because if she missed him so much, then why was she having sex with Peeta Mellark against her bathroom wall only last night? She knows that she needs to talk to Gale. That she has to try to work things out if they can be salvaged in the heap of mess that she calls their relationship. Because when she looks at the girl in the photograph with her new boyfriend, she can't help but feel a pang of nostalgia in her stomach.

The memories unroll in her brain. Memories of them laughing and sorting through his vinyl disks and eating toast and doing homework late at night when they should have been sleeping. She also remembers them kissing a lot. But then the unpleasant memories unfold, and she remembers him yelling at her and kicking her out after sex and being rude to Peeta and she closes her eyes.

She knows now what she has to do.

Katniss showers and dresses quickly and is out of the door before she even realizes where she is going; Gale's house. Because she knows that what she and Peeta had last night wasn't a lesson; it was sex. She can't even hide behind the sex lesson shield anymore. It was all just a disguise anyway. It would be wrong of her now, she decides, for her not to do anything about this. She has hidden behind technicalities for long enough.

She realizes now all she wanted was to _feel_ wanted.

Katniss stomps up his front path, and her fist smacks loudly against his front door. Almost as if he was waiting behind it, Gale throws it open, and for a few moments, they simply stare at each other. "Hey," He greets her. "What're you doing here?"

Her chest heaving, she bursts out, "I'm breaking up with you. I can't- we just- I need to break up with you." She takes several stumbling steps back, as if she has been shot, before shaking the fog free. Gale steps out of the door, looking stunned, and she raises her hands as if to fend him off. "I just need too..." She can't finish her sentence. "Sorry, Gale," She says weakly.

"What- where did this come from?" He asks, and when she doesn't answer, he says, "Catnip."

"I just think we should all be happy," She says, and her voice is too shaky to sound certain. "I don't want to hurt you."

"How could you hurt me?" He urges. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" She cries. It's a lie, of course, and she suspects that he knows it. Her eyes shoot to the window to see Hazelle hovering by the glass. By the look on her face, Katniss suspects that Gale's Mom knows what is happening outside. Since Katniss doesn't want to face her, or even look at her remorseful expression, Katniss staggers back some more. "I've got to go to school. I-" She pulls the photograph she was looking at earlier from her rucksack, and hands it to him. He holds it tightly between his fingers, his eyes shiny and his lips slightly parted. "Take that, I don't want it."

"Katniss," His voice breaks. "What did _I_ do, then?" When she doesn't answer, he asks, "Do you mean it?"

"Yes," Her bottom lip quivers. "You didn't do anything. Not really. I mean- it's me, I guess, you just kind of got unconsciously involved." She doesn't want to say anymore. "I never meant any of this to happen, I'm sorry." And, quite suddenly, she's crying, and when he rushes forward to hold her, she shoves him away. "I fucked up."

"How did you?" He demands, and then, softer: "How did you, Katniss?"

And then, without meaning too, she tells him.

"I had sex with somebody else; twice. I didn't mean- no, I did. I meant too. And I enjoyed it. I just felt so left out and sad that you were off with Glimmer, and I know that she has a boyfriend and I know that you're not dating her but I just got so jealous, Gale, so I arranged fucking sex lessons with somebody from school. We only had one lesson, and then we went on a break again so we had sex last night." Her words are rushed, and when she has finished, she hiccups. He stares at her, his eyes searching her face for any signs of lies. "And now I know that I cheated on you. I just didn't think; I'm sorry."

For some reason, she feels better after her outburst.

Gale's mouth gapes open with disbelief, before he asks, "Are you serious?"

"Yes," She says, and she tastes the salt of her tears on her quivering lips. "Yeah, I'm serious. I could use the excuse that I thought you were with Glimmer when I made the arrangements with this guy, but even after I knew that you weren't, I wanted to carry on. That's how much of a shit person I am. And I know we were on a break but we hadn't _broken up_. So this is what I'm doing now: breaking up with you before I can hurt you anymore."

"Who's the guy you fucked?" Gale asks after a few moments.

She shakes her head. "I can't tell you."

"Are you gonna carry on with him?" He probes.

"Maybe; I don't know how he feels about me." She decides that being truthful is the best thing she can do. "I think I like him, though; like in the way I thought that I liked you." She wipes the tears off her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Gale. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry."

He doesn't look particularly annoyed, more upset. She kind of wishes that he would scream at her, because that way, she could say he is an asshole and that she never wanted to speak to him again. But instead, he remains calm and says, "So that's it, then?"

"Yeah," A gang of kids from their school pass and look at them with curiosity, their loud voices switching to whispers. She knows that her conversation is too public, and that she basically just declared her unfaithfulness to the entire street. When Katniss looks back at Gale, his bottom lip is shaking. "I need to go."

"It's the Mellark kid, isn't it?" He asks suddenly. "I should have known. You threw yourself in front of him and you helped him with his food. You got all pissed off when I poked fun at him and you were defensive when someone brought him up. Fuck, he's the guy, isn't he? I mean, who else would it be?"

"It's not him, Gale," She lies, "just leave it, okay?"

He hears the desperation in her voice, so he nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. After a few moments, he says, "Okay, Catnip; okay."

She doesn't hang around. She heads off back down the path without looking back, but she wonders whether he is watching her walk away. Maybe he is. She feels Hazelle's eyes burning into the back of her neck as she trudges away from his house, and she wonders what her ex-boyfriend's mother thinks of her now. She pushes the thought of her out of her mind.

Katniss tries not to look too upset when she spots Peeta, who beams at her and heads towards her across the school grass. "Hey," He says, and she doesn't hesitate to throw her arms around him and hug him as tightly as she can. A little startled, he chuckles awkwardly and hugs her back, and she lingers a little before pulling away. He smiles at her, but his lips drop when he sees her red, blotchy face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," She says. "It's allergies." To her surprise, she sounds convincing, and he looks like he believes her. "Can I hang out with you today?" She doesn't want to explain what has happened between her and Gale to Madge and Delly, and she definitely doesn't want to risk running into him today. What would she say if he saw Peeta and her together? His suspicion would merely grow, and she doesn't want to get Peeta into trouble. "At lunch, we could sit in the library. I have Math homework. Can you help me?"

After a pregnant pause, he says, "Yeah, sure." He looks at her before adding, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," She says, and but he still looks at her uneasily as they head into the school.

* * *

Spending the day with Peeta helped her keep her mind of Gale, but after they say their goodbyes by his bakery after he promises to pick her up for the party at half six, Gale is back on her mind again. She trudges home, wondering whether she should go over to Gale's first to make things better between them. Not get back together, but to make sure that there are no hard feelings. If she is being honest, she would like to resume a friendship with him. But she chickens out, and walks straight home.

She showers and changes into an old dress of her mother's. It is black, and as she studies her reflection, she decides that maybe it is too tight. Prim, who sits cross-legged with the cat in her arms on their mother's bed, says, "That looks nice," but Katniss pulls it over her head, deciding that Peeta might prefer something more casual. As she is rooting through her mother's undoubtedly outdated wardrobe, Prim asks, "Where are you going, anyway?"

"I'm going out with Peeta Mellark and his friend Johanna," Katniss says, before yanking out a wrinkled blouse. She throws it onto the bed, where it lands on the duvet beside Prim's knee. "I need something to wear, but naturally, I don't own anything." Katniss pulls out a red dress that looks like it crawled out of the eighties and she dumps it on top of the blouse. "I normally don't care about shit like this, but I want to look nice, you know?" As her sentence rolls to a halt, they hear the front door slam. "Is Mom home already?" Katniss knows it is her mother when she hears her familiar padding up the stairs. "For fuck's sake," She sighs.

When their Mom pops her head around the bedroom door, it only takes her a couple of moments before she asks, "Are you going out, Katniss?" When her eldest daughter sullenly ignores her, she adds, "Do you want me to do your hair?" Their eyes catch in the mirror, and Katniss notices Prim watching them both, her eyes hopeful and her teeth nervously snagging on her bottom lip.

"Sure," Katniss replies, for Prim's sake. "I kind of also need something to wear, but I don't really have anything."

"I can help you out," Their Mom offers. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

Reluctantly, Katniss sits and allows her mother to put her hair into two braids and pin them at the nape of her neck. She wrinkles her nose as her mother puts minimal make-up on her face, and she allows her Mom to zip up the back of the dress they eventually choose. It's white and strapless. It's not the best thing Katniss has ever seen – according to her mother, it was last worn at a birthday party four years ago – but she decides it'll do. Since she has no nice shoes, she laces up her black converse sneakers.

At half past six, Peeta pulls into her driveway. He smiles at Katniss who is stood waiting for him on her doorstep and he climbs out of the car to greet her. "Hey," He says, "you look great." She finds herself to be glad that he didn't drop any cheesy lines and is flustered when he plants a quick kiss on her cheek. "A quick warning," He adds in a low voice, "like I mentioned before, Johanna is a shouter. I mean, I like her, I guess, but... I'm not suggesting you'll argue, but try not to take anything she says too seriously."

Katniss nods and he swings open the passenger door for her. She climbs in, and as soon as she does, she is greeted with a pissed off voice moaning: "Why the fuck does she get to be fucking shotgun?" Peeta rolls his eyes and introduces the girl in his backseat as Johanna Mason. Johanna has short, spiked brown hair and wide dark brown eyes. Katniss thinks that Johanna is pretty, but her expression suggests that she either doesn't want to be or doesn't know that she is. "That is utter shit."

"Shut up, Johanna," Peeta tells her, giving a warning look in the rear-view mirror, as if she is a disobedient dog. "This is Katniss; Katniss Everdeen." After a few seconds, Johanna shoves her stubby fingers through the gap between the front seats, and Peeta exhales gratefully. Katniss gingerly shakes it, and Johanna's hand recoils again. "Right, okay. So I want to lay out some ground rules for the evening. Johanna, in the nicest way possible: don't be a fucking dick."

"Like I would be," She scoffs, and grins at Katniss when she looks back. Katniss gives her an awkward smile back before turning back towards the windshield. Johanna frowns for a moment before asking, "How do you even drive with one leg?"

Peeta decides to ignore her and says, "And Katniss, well- I don't think there are any rules for you. I- I don't want to tell either of you what to do, I'm just a little nervous." Peeta admits, and Katniss watches his hands shake when they briefly lift up from the steering wheel. She wonders why he is so nervous to attend a party. "I think we should all just try to get along, alright?" When neither of the girls responds, he repeats, "Alright."

There is a short silence before Johanna says, "Calm your tits, Peet. I'll just down a couple of glasses of champagne, admire your paintings, and then fuck one of the hot artists."

Katniss stares at Peeta, having caught one major part of Johanna's sentence. "What? Admire your paintings? Wait-" She cuts herself off and looks into the backseat, where Johanna looks as equally as puzzled as her. "Your paintings are- what? You paint? That's why you were invited to the party?"

"Nice one, Jo," Peeta mutters.

"Well, she was gonna find out, Peeta," Johanna points out, before leaning forward as far as her seatbelt allows her too and continuing. "Peeta is a great painter." Peeta tries to interrupt, but she cuts him off with a sharp bark of his name. "_Peeta_! Right, Peeta is great. Seriously, when I was dating him, he was that good that I almost cried. And I don't cry. I'm heartless. Aren't I really heartless, Peeta?"

Peeta doesn't say anything, which makes Katniss believe that Johanna is right.

"I'm heartless. I didn't even cry at Marley and Me. But seriously, he is really, really good. He paints everything: people; places; landscapes. I wanted him to paint me naked like in Titanic but he was too pure then not too." She slaps the back of his leather seat and winks at him in the rear-view mirror. He rolls his eyes. "I changed that pretty quickly, though."

Katniss can't get over the fact that Peeta paints. For some reason, it is shocking to her. It shouldn't be surprising, though. He is gentle and sweet. She wonders what his paintings are of.

Johanna searches through her small bag and produces a packet of cigarettes. She offers one to both Peeta and Katniss, who both reject her offer with a brief wave of their hand. She lights her cigarette and places it between her lips, and after a drag, she adds, "You'll see them when you get there, obviously. I'm looking forward to it. And I haven't seen this ugly fucker in _forever_." She reaches over the top of Peeta's seat and affectionately ruffles his hair, and Katniss thinks they look more like a brother and sister who tolerate each other than ex-boyfriend and girlfriend.

"I can't believe that you paint," Katniss says, "and that you're good enough to get into an art gallery."

"Not in the real gallery," Peeta corrects as they roll to a stop in front of a red light. "It's for this art contest thing. You had to enter three of your paintings and if you were good enough they picked one to be put through to the quarter-final, and then the semi-final, which I got through, and then now it's the final. I won't win, but... nice to go out, isn't it?"

"Definitely," Johanna says, "it'll be fun."

"How do you know you won't win?" Katniss asks.

Peeta shrugs uneasily. "There are a lot of good artists," He says. "I just kind of entered because I saw it in the paper."

"You read the paper?" Johanna asks with disbelief. "That smells like bullshit."

"But you're good, right?" Katniss probes. "Good enough to get to the final?"

"Sure," says Peeta, "but don't get your hopes up." Katniss and Peeta look at each other – Katniss with irritation, and Peeta with modesty – before he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "It'll be fun," He concludes, "to see everybody's work and have a laugh, right? So let's not care about winning."

"But if you lose," Johanna says, "I'm fucking disowning you."

"Good," Peeta tosses back. "That means I won't have to put up with you anymore." They grin at each other in the rear-view mirror, and Katniss smiles a little, too. At least there isn't any sexual tension between them, because if there was, Katniss knows that she would be uncomfortable and probably jealous. She knows she doesn't have a right to be, but she still would be.

"I'm kidding," Peeta adds a couple of moments later. "I love ya, Jo." He says, but Katniss knows he's joking.

"You're disgusting," She tells him, but a few seconds later, she adds, "Same, kiddo."

* * *

Before the event starts, when Katniss, Johanna and Peeta are all sat on an empty table together, Peeta is called onto the stage to discuss something that Katniss doesn't quite catch. Peeta dashes off, nervously smoothing down his gelled hair. When the over-enthusiastic host begins his opening monologue and starts introducing the finalists, Johanna turns to Katniss and asks, "Not to sound like the jealous angry vengeful spiteful evil ex-girlfriend, but what's going on between you and Peeta?"

Katniss takes a nervous sip of her wine glass of water before replying, "Nothing, really."

She snorts and rolls her eyes. "That is utter shit," She says. "Are you two dating?"

"We're not dating," Katniss tells her. "Does it matter?"

"Not really," Johanna says. "I was just wondering." There's a minute of silence as they both watch Peeta fidget and nervously laugh as he talks to someone by the podium on the stage. "He's a nice kid. Listen, I'm not suggesting that you'll fuck him over, but just try not to, yeah? He goes through shit every day and still smiles at the end of it. He's a ray of sunshine, that boy."

Katniss looks at her, and sees that Johanna's eyes are watery. For someone who said that she has no heart, she seems pretty emotional. Maybe it's the champagne. "I'll do my best," Katniss says uneasily. Katniss wants to ask whether she knows about what happens at his house, but she knows by Johanna's face that she is aware of what happens at the Mellark's. The thought makes her chest hurt.

"Good," Johanna downs the rest of her wine, and Katniss wonders if she is legal to drink. She remembers Peeta saying that she is two years older than them both, meaning that she is merely nineteen. However, Johanna doesn't hesitate to grab another two champagne glasses as the waiter passes. She winks at him before downing one of the glasses in one go.

Katniss is confused when the host introduces Peeta Mellark as the first speaker, but Johanna explains. "Peeta has to give a kind of speech," She says, "about what his paintings mean something to him or something. He told me a little about it, but that's what he might be doing now."

It appears that Johanna is right. They watch as Peeta briefly murmurs to the host. "You know, he told me this was just a party," Katniss says, "I didn't know it was going to be like this. But at least I don't have to dance." Johanna gives a general grunt of agreement. "Were you being honest earlier? About his paintings being good?"

But she misses Johanna's response, because her phone buzzes in her dress pocket and she digs for it, concerned it might be Prim. However, Gale's name flashes up on her screen, and she quickly scans the message.

**19:08 – Gale:** _Today was crazy without u. Talk tonite?_

She chews on the inside of her cheek, vaguely nodding her head to whatever Johanna is saying before shoving her phone back into her pocket. When it buzzes again, she switches it off. She does not need Gale's presence tonight. She knows that talking to him is inevitable, but when Peeta doesn't even know they have broken up, she can't bring herself to text him back. And she is here for Peeta, anyway.

Johanna concludes her sentence and Katniss nods again. Slowly, the lights dim, and Katniss watches as Peeta slowly disappears into the darkness until a spotlight lands on the stage. He blinks, looking a little nervous, and there is a small amount of applause. "Thank you," Peeta says, before beginning his speech. "I'm truly honoured to be here today and to say that I have gotten into the final is a truly brilliant feeling. To think that I entered on the off-chance of even being considered as competition worthy and then making it to the final is amazing, so I would like to thank the judges for that."

There is another small ripple of applause. Peeta gives a tiny smile to the audience, and Katniss finds herself smiling encouragingly back.

"I think my love of painting comes from my love of colours. The ability to be able to create any colour imaginable is still remarkable to me. You can make pink as pale as a baby's skin or purple as deep as rhubarb. It's also free. You can paint whatever you want. I think that's what I like the most. That I can, if I wanted to, create imaginary worlds or create portraits of imaginary people or paint places I've never been. Painting, to me, is what allows me to explore the depths of my imagination and see what it looks like on a canvas. It is discovering what kind of colours make up fur. It is discovering what you, as a human being, can do with merely a paint brush and a palette. So I am truly grateful to be here today, with so many other talented painters, to explore the realms of our imaginations and talents together. It is an honour."

There's a longer applause this time, a louder one. Johanna enthusiastically cheers and thumps her palms against the table. He must hear, because his head turns slightly in their direction and his smile grows a little wider.

"And I think that's what my paintings mean to me," Peeta continues. "They are a reminder of what I can do. Of what I can do if I commit to it, and what I can do if I try. I think that paintings are that reminder to everybody. Whether a landscape or a portrait, by a seven-year old or a seventy year old, it shows us what we are capable of. And it is obvious to me, standing in a room filled with art enthusiasts or artists themselves, that what we are capable of is truly amazing. So, thank you for inviting me here today and I hope that you like my paintings, and of course, everyone else's. Thank you."

Peeta gives a gracious little nod as everybody applauds again and he awkwardly hobbles down the small amount of steps on the edge of the stage. The host introduces the next finalist just as Peeta sits down, and without thinking, Katniss plants a kiss on his lips. It takes a moment for her to register what she has done, and her cheeks flush as Johanna asks, "Thought you said you weren't dating?"

"That's because we're not," Peeta tells her, before kissing Katniss again. This time, his tongue sweeps over her bottom lip and one of his hands finds her waist. Aware of how many people are around, they break away faster than they usually would, but his fingers stay on her hip, and she's glad they do. Katniss knows by the look in his eyes – perplexed but pleased – that he knows that something has shifted in their relationship. She knows that she'll have to tell him, eventually, that her relationship with Gale is over, but she's worried about what will happen then.

_What_, she wonders, _will happen if he doesn't like me back_? She thinks of how he just kissed her. _I know there's _something_ there; whether it's just lust or pity or... real genuine affection. I just need to ask him. _

But with Johanna here and everyone else, she can't.

After everybody's speeches are over – there are only four to get through, excluding Peeta's – the audience of around a hundred people or so head into another room to look at the finalists paintings. Peeta hangs back with fiery red cheeks so Katniss and Johanna surge forward to have a look. Each of the finalists tables have been spaced out to each corner of the room, and they make it in before most of the crowd does.

Katniss amazed by his paintings. They're beautiful to say the least. Though he said he entered three, a dozen are on the table. She shifts through them with amazement as Johanna jokingly complains that none of them are of her. She finds one she wants to look at more and places the others down so other people can have a look at them. She runs her fingers over the sunset he has painted, and a smile falls on her lips.

"That's my favourite colour," Peeta's announces from behind her, and she turns around to smile at him. "Sunset orange, I mean." Johanna rolls her eyes, calling him pretentious, but he ignores her. "That's why I painted it; thought it looked pretty." He shoves his hands in his pockets as Katniss puts the painting down and picks up another one. Peeta's table is attracting some more attention now, and he smiles to himself, obviously pleased. "I think portraits are my favourite to paint, though."

The one that interests Katniss the most is of Peeta when he is younger. The painting is so detailed Katniss can see the hints of brown in his hair. Young Peeta sits at a table, with his elbows resting on the wood. He grins up at the camera with pearly white teeth. His right front tooth is missing, and in the background, he has painted his mother looking out of the kitchen window, her back to the scene. In his hands are Lego figures, and he holds them so the boy is by himself and so the adult figures are turned away from the younger figure. Katniss looks up at Peeta, who is now chatting to Johanna. The painting, for some odd reason she can't work out, it makes her want to cry.

She wonders again what happens over at the Mellark's; whether she should ask or not. She looks at the faint ring of red around his eye, and decides that she will carefully approach the subject the next time she sees him. She places the painting down again, and another man immediately picks it up, commenting on the kind of brush Peeta has used. It's not something Katniss herself picked up on, but she supposes it's something that an artist or an art enthusiast would notice.

Katniss excuses herself to go to the toilet, and after she is finished and sat on the lid, she turns on her phone again to see three more texts from Gale. She chews her bottom lip before opening each one, and they all read similar messages.

**19:08 – Gale:** _i need to talk to u. was u serious this morn?_

**19:11– Gale: **_don't wanna lose u. talk tonite?_

**19:18– Gale: **_txt me bk. need 2 talk._

She loudly exhales and rubs her forehead. Does she even need to talk to him? What more would she have to say? As she is debating texting him back, her phone buzzes to life again, and it takes her a few moments to see what Gale has sent her.

**19:32 – Gale: **_don't care what u have done. we all make mistakes. need 2 talk 2 you. don't wanna lose u. i'm sorry, ok? didn't mean to drive u away. txt me bk, ok?_

She is curious to what kind of mistakes he has made, but she decides to let it go. She has long since come to the conclusion that the most Gale and Glimmer would have done is mildly flirt, whereas she has had sex with Peeta twice now and is more than willing to continue doing so. She is the one who is in the wrong, and it is something she has never denied. So she isn't exactly sure what Gale is sorry for.

**19:33 – Katniss: **_It was never your fault, Gale. If we're going to talk, which I don't think we need too, it shouldn't be over text message. We're over, okay? I'm the one that is sorry. I messed up, big time, and I let you down. This way, we'll both be happier._

He doesn't text her back.

* * *

Peeta doesn't win the competition; he comes second. But that, to him, is a victory. He can't drink since he is driving, so Johanna drinks on his behalf. He throws his arm around Katniss' waist on their way out, and she plants a large kiss on his jaw. She smiles up at him, and there is something in his smile back that makes her eyes narrow a little. It's like he suspects something, or thinks something is wrong. But after a moment, the look is over.

Katniss, feeling slightly disgruntled, grips onto him tightly as if he is going to run off on the way to the car. They get Johanna into the back seat, which, after an unpleasant view up her dress, involves much sighing and adjusting before they manage to wrestle the seat belt onto her and close the car door. When they get into the front seats, they slump into the leather, both of them exhausted.

"Fun night, huh?" Katniss says, her voice quieting when she hears Johanna's snores from the back seat. "Your paintings were really good."

"Thanks," He says, and something is off about his voice. "I think Johanna may have had one or seven too many drinks." He throws the sleeping Johanna a glance before starting the car. "I'm glad I invited her, though; and you. It was good to have some support." When he catches her eye, he smiles at her, but when she doesn't smile back, he frowns. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," She says, "but are you? Something's up, right?"

"Nothing is up," Peeta replies, fastening his seat belt into place with one hand as the other stays on the steering wheel. "I'm just thinking about what I'm going to do with Johanna. How I'm going to get her home when she's passed out." It's so obviously a lie that Katniss doesn't even bother to contradict him. "You'll have to help me carry her," He says, after a moment.

"Okay," says Katniss, "that's fine. Are you sad that you didn't win?"

"What? No, I never entered to win." Peeta reminds her. "It was just fun to go, right? Like I said before the event started."

There's a long silence before Katniss says, "Your speech was good."

"Thank you." He says, and she looks over at him. He meets her eyes briefly before looking back at the windshield. She doesn't have to ask him again what is wrong; he sighs and says it without needing her request. "I was just thinking, tonight," Peeta says, "after we kissed. I'm not sure how I feel about cheating on your boyfriend. The lessons were stretching the rules enough, but now, we're plodding into disconcerting shit."

"I don't think I'd class kissing as disconcerting," Katniss contradicts, "and Gale isn't even my boyfriend anymore, so I'm free to kiss however I want, right?" Peeta says nothing, but she kind of expected him too. She waits for a while, but when he still doesn't reply, she continues. "We're not cheating on him at all. We're just two people..." She doesn't finish.

"We're just two people what, Katniss?" Peeta probes. "What are we even doing? Are we friends with benefits or what? What else can we be more without people being suspicious that it was me that you were fucking?" She looks up at him, unaware that he knew that she told people. "I heard Delly and Madge talking about how you had somebody on the side or something like that a few lunch times ago. If we go round all lovey-dovey immediately after you've broken up with Gale, then people will ask questions."

Katniss juts her chin out and asks, "Would it be so bad if they did?"

"Not really," Peeta says, "it's just that I get beaten up enough." Katniss flinches and he attempts to cover up his slip in his façade. "By Cato," He says. "I get beaten up enough by Cato, and I don't really want Gale jumping in on the let's-hit-Peeta-Mellark train too."

"Bullshit," Katniss snaps, "you meant by your Mom. I'm not an idiot. Everyone knows."

"What do you mean, 'everyone knows'?"

"Literally everyone knows what happens," Katniss tells him, and before she can stop herself, her words flow out of her mouth. "Your Mom hits you. You can hear her screaming sometimes in the mornings. You show up to school with bruises and lame excuses. How the fuck has no-one intervened?"

"If you knew, then why didn't _you_?" Peeta demands. Katniss' mouth snaps shut, wordless. "I mean, I didn't need to confess to you that I was being abused if you knew, did I? Why didn't you talk to somebody and have me out of that place? And if apparently everyone else knows, then why haven't they done anything, either?"

"Because-!" She can't think of an excuse, so she says, "I wasn't sure!"

"You just said that everybody knows, Katniss!" He's yelling now. Johanna stirs. "You literally just said to me that everybody knows what happens, so why didn't anybody talk to a teacher or a fucking cop and have me removed from there? If you know what happens, then why didn't you try to help me?"

Her heart pounds frantically against her chest when she replies faintly, "I don't know."

Almost immediately, his body relaxes, and his knuckles, previously white, begin to flood with colour. He focuses on the road, and his breaths are slow. She sits with her muscles locked, and her eyes dart to the back seat. Johanna is awake now, blinking, and she yawns into the back of her hand. She can't have heard much of the conversation as she curls up, ready for sleep again.

"Sorry," Peeta says. "I didn't mean to yell."

"_I'm_ sorry," Katniss says desperately. "I'll tell someone. At school, on Monday, I'll tell someone what's happening, alright?"

"No," Peeta says, "it doesn't matter." He sounds tired. "If you do that, they'll take me away from the bakery and I'll lose you." They must be at her house, because they slow to a stop. "I'm fine, Katniss," He says, "I'm okay. I'll see you on Monday."

"Peeta," She says, "please."

She's not sure what she wants, but whatever it is, he doesn't give it to her. After a long silence, she climbs out of the car, and she remains on the sidewalk long after he drives away. She knows she was supposed to help him with Johanna, but now, he's gone. And she wonders what she is going to do. About Gale and about her relationship with Peeta and about Delly and Madge's loud gossiping and about Peeta being abused and about _everything_.

When she gets inside her house, everything is silent. Prim must be in bed and her mother at work. She pulls off her shoes and sinks to the hallway floor, resting her head in her hands. She releases several loud, choking breaths, before rubbing her face. "I've really fucked up this time, haven't I?" She says loudly into the empty room, and she doesn't need a reply to know that she is right.

* * *

_So Gale's been binned, Peeta's secrets uncovered and Katniss once again finds herself in the firing line with both of her relationships in fragile conditions. If she announces her relationship with Peeta at school, or hangs around him too much in public, Gale will find out that it was Peeta she's been sleeping with all along. If she doesn't, she'll be stuck being friends with benefits with the boy who she genuinely likes, unable to move the relationship further as she would be afraid of getting Peeta hurt. __And if Katniss reports Peeta's abuse to someone at school, chances are he'll get removed from the bakery and taken away from her. But if she doesn't, she knows his abuse will continue. What to do, what to do?_

_Thanks so much for reading and I hope you'll review because that'll be lovely._


	6. things cannot be reversed

_Thank you for clicking 'next chapter' and I don't own the Hunger Games nor do I own any of the characters or anything like that. _

_Your reviews this week once again made me smile a lot and thanks to everyone who wrote one out. I love reading your thoughts and opinions each week and I hope that I continue to please you all with my writing and that you won't get annoyed with my use of semi-colons and commas. Thanks!_

_This is the penultimate chapter of this story, so I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

AFTER A WEEKEND of dreading the inevitable, Monday rolls around. As soon as Katniss' alarm sounds, she groans, rolling over and burying her face into her pillow, not wanting to face the day. She knows that she'll eventually see Gale. That she'll see Peeta. She turns back to the ceiling, glaring up at the white paint. _Same shit, different day, _she thinks, before kicking her duvet and rolling off the mattress.

She showers and changes before getting breakfast. When she goes into the kitchen, she is greeted by Prim, who asks her how her sleep was. Katniss lies and says it was good, and they eat in silence listening to the radio. Katniss offers to walk Prim to her school gates, but her little sister shrugs her proposal off, saying she'll be fine.

Katniss dawdles for as long as she can before leaving the house, checking that all the windows are closed before leaving as an excuse to waste more time. She walks nervously down the side-walk and hurries past the Mellark's. She is moving so fast she doesn't notice Rye until it is too late, and she slams into him, falling onto the floor. After a moment of feeling mortified, she jumps up from the concrete. "Sorry," She wheezes breathlessly.

Rye opens his mouth to reply but he cuts himself off when Peeta comes through the gate and closes it behind him. Aware that Peeta has caught him up Rye dashes off after a slight nod in Katniss' direction, and her cheeks flush when she meets Peeta's eyes. He looks tired; his body hunches forward with fatigue. Despite this, he still smiles at her sleepily and says, "Hey, Katniss. Did you have a nice weekend?"

"Yes, thank you." Her words sound stiff, so she coughs. "I watched Prim play soccer and went over to Effie's." It was nice to sit down in Effie's bright pink house, drink tea, and chat about everything that Katniss has held in. How she feels about her father leaving. How she feels about her mother now. Her situation with both Peeta and Gale. Katniss feels relieved that she was able to discuss these topics with somebody who she believes wouldn't judge her. "On Sunday I went to the movies with Madge and Delly." That is a lie; she actually went underwear shopping, but didn't buy any underwear. Instead, Katniss watched as her best friends twirled around in ridiculously small and expensive thongs whilst she rolled her eyes. "So overall, good; how was yours?"

"It was okay. On Saturday afternoon I went to the mall with my eldest brother Breen who was home for the weekend from college, and he complained when we went to go get a Starbucks because he doesn't like big manufacturing companies or something. I forget the details. On Sunday I didn't really do anything. I caught up with some homework and that's about it." There's a moment of silence as their feet hit against the sidewalk. "I guess I ought to apologize."

"Why should you apologize?" She asks.

"I yelled at you in the car home on Friday." Peeta reminds her. "It wasn't fair, you- you hadn't done anything wrong. I was just pissed, I guess. So yeah, sorry I was an asshole."

Katniss is momentarily stunned by his politeness before saying, "Peeta, you really don't have to apologize for anything." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Listen, I- recently, over the past couple of weeks, I've fucked up over and over. Or it was the same fuck up - I mean, it was like I made one really bad decision and it was like an earthquake and the aftershocks won't stop coming. Do you know what I mean?" Peeta nods. "Okay, right. So I don't think you need to apologize. I think now I just need to clean up the wreckage."

There's a pause before Peeta asks, "What was your fuck up?"

"Agreeing to have sex lessons with you," Katniss admits, "when I was still with Gale. I mean, it was really, really stupid. I knew it was cheating on him even though I was trying to kid myself by saying it wasn't. I just wanted to have sex with you. I don't know why." He catches her eye but he quickly drops the gaze. "So now Gale knows that I had sex with someone who wasn't him. I need to talk to him about that but I'm not exactly sure what I'd say. I mean – we only had sex twice, there wasn't much time for him to improve, but I didn't really want him too. I didn't want to have sex with him ever. He didn't know that. I never... told him. I just wanted to make him happy." She knows she's heading into sensitive territory, and he realizes this, too. "I'm rambling."

"Not really," Peeta says. "You can carry on if you want."

She shakes her head. "I don't really have anything else to say," She admits. "I never meant to hurt anybody."

"I get that." He says. "You were just... caught up in the idea of two people who you both cared for." _At least he understands_, she thinks. _At least he doesn't blame me even though he has the complete right too. _I'm_ the one that was with two people at the same time and said it wasn't cheating due to a technicality. _I'm_ the one that fucked up_. "I mean, this is just High School. What happens here, it won't define our entire _lives_. We'll be picking our colleges soon enough."

"I'm not going to college," She murmurs, as if it is relevant. She doesn't have enough money for it and she doesn't want to leave Prim by herself at home. Also, she has no idea what she is going to do with her life, so the idea of picking a course to do is daunting.

Peeta ignores her comment and plods on. "So this mistake you think you've made... is it really a mistake? Maybe it's something you can learn from." Katniss frowns a little, because she already knew before she agreed to have lessons with Peeta that being in a sexual relationship with two people was wrong. She has nothing to learn from the experience but about how to have sex. "You know that if you ever considered doing this in the future, you'd regret it, and it would help you to decide against it." They are approaching the school now, so Peeta lowers his voice. "Sorry again about Friday, and I hope you work things out with Gale." He goes to walk ahead, maybe so she won't have to be seen with him, but her fingers latch onto his jacket to yank him back.

"Peeta," She mumbles, "what does this mean for us?"

Now that Katniss has decided that the agreement that was coaxed between them is wrong, they obviously cannot continue. But she doesn't want to lose him. She likes him. She wants to tell him that she wants their relationship to become a real relationship however she knows that by dating him, she puts him at risk of being under Gale's wrath and possibly Cato's. They could date in private, but she knows that sneaking around would be no fun. They would never be able to hang out with each other or talk apart from after six o' clock, when Peeta's shift at the bakery ends. But still, that would be better than nothing.

"I don't know." He admits, and they both slow to a stop. "It depends. You said you broke up with Gale?" She nods, and he debates what to say for a few moments before deciding on: "You should talk to him about what you both feel, and if you want to get back together, that's fine. I wouldn't be- I'd be upset, obviously, but I wouldn't be... I want you to be happy. That's what I want. So talk to Gale, and then talk to me, and whatever happens, you know what I feel."

But as she watches him walk away from her, she thinks, _No, I don't._

* * *

When Katniss' class ends and she is walking out of the door, Delly grips onto her arms and says, "You were right about this thong. It's too small." Too stunned to answer, Katniss merely makes a grunt of agreement as she is dragged down the corridor by Delly's tiny hands. As they stumble down the school tiles, Delly continues. "I should have bought the one that I wanted at the start but Madge said it made my thighs look fat - whatever. Anyway, about you; I think I have a solution."

"A solution?" Katniss repeats.

"Yeah, hold on, I'll explain." They head towards the cafeteria for lunch and hunt down an empty table. After they have sat down, Delly excitably leans forward and says, "Your situation about Gale and that man you're fucking – I totally know what you should do." Even though Katniss highly doubts this, she pretends to be intrigued. "I think you should tell both of them that you're sleeping with someone else, and the one that takes it the best should be the one that you date. I mean, I know you think that this teacher guy is only your teacher, but why would he agree to this if he didn't feel anything for you? What's in it for him otherwise?"

"I already told Gale," Katniss says, "and we broke up."

Delly gasps so loud that Katniss actually jumps. "No way!" Delly says, and Katniss' heart, which was beating frantically, slows gradually when she sees that Delly's gasp was merely a reaction to her apparent shock worthy news. "Oh, Katniss, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Did he break up with you, or the other way round? Holy shit, you actually told him? Why didn't you tell me?"

A little startled, Katniss answers, "Yeah, I'm okay. No, I broke up with him. Yes, I told him. And I forgot." Katniss shifts uncomfortably in her seat before continuing. "It was the right decision. I mean, we were never going to work. I'd still like to be friends with him, though. I just need to talk to him. But I haven't yet." She chews on her bottom lip. "I don't know what I'm going to do about my teacher guy. I like him. He says that I know how he feels, but I don't, Dells. I think he likes me. I think I should ask him out."

"Do it!" Delly urges, her face lighting up like she is a child and it is Christmas day. "Ask your teacher guy out to a movie or something! Screw tradition, you should definitely ask him out; feminism!"

"Right," Katniss says uneasily, "only if I go on a date with him, or start going out with him as in boyfriend and girlfriend, people from school will find out, you will find out, Madge will find out, and most importantly, Gale will find out."

Seeing the problem, Delly says, "But if you become friends with Gale, would he mind if you started dating your teacher guy? I mean, would it matter? How could he be jealous if you still have some kind of relationship with him?" Not convinced, Katniss sighs. "Listen, Katniss; I say, screw what Gale thinks. If you've dumped him, you're over. His opinion is invalid. What you did was wrong, but so what? You're not cheating on Gale anymore if you're not with him. You're free to do what you want with your teacher man. Fuck Gale – well, not literally, obviously, but you get the picture."

Oddly, Katniss is comforted by this. Why should she care what Gale thinks? Katniss is more concerned, though, about what he would do if he saw Peeta and Katniss walking hand in hand without a care in the world. Would Gale do something, as in, beat Peeta up? She finds this unlikely, but then she remembers how Gale's grip would tighten on her when a man went past as if they would snatch her away, and she rubs her face. Maybe Gale wouldn't go as far as physically hurting Peeta, but his tormenting of him could worsen. Is it a risk she is willing to take?

"I don't know," Katniss says. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Getting hurt is inevitable," says Delly, "it's gonna happen eventually, so try to soften the blow."

* * *

On her walk home, she spots Gale, and hurries to meet him despite his house being in a different direction to hers. To her surprise, he doesn't look angry when she begins to walk beside him, and it is her that starts the conversation. "Hey," She says. "I've wanted to talk to you all day; I just haven't been able to find you. How are you?"

"I'm good," He says. "I'm glad you caught up with me, actually, because I have something to tell you." She looks up at him expectantly. "When you were accusing me of eye-fucking Glimmer, it wasn't true, I truly didn't feel anything for her – but then on Saturday, she invited me out to the movies." Even though she knows where this is heading, she still tries to look interested. "And she told me that she broke up with Cato, and I told her that we had broken up, too. So we decided that maybe we could take a shot at things. I know it's pretty fast, but it's-"

"Gale," She interrupts, "that's great." Gale looks down at her with a frown, checking she's not joking, and she's not. With Gale now dating Glimmer, it means she can't feel bad for trying to make things work between her and Peeta. "We've broken up, haven't we? You're free to date whoever you want. And I guess I am, too." Gale nods. "That's good." She feels as if a weight has been lifted off her chest, but she is still too curious not to ask. "Do you know what happened between Glimmer and Cato?"

"She got sick of his mean comments," Gale says, "kind of like you were, with me." They halt in front of his house and after a few moments, they throw their arms around each other. Katniss has to go on her tiptoes to hug him since he is so tall. She squeezes her eyes shut against his shoulder, and feels a sense of relief wash over her shoulders when Gale says, "I'm sorry I was an ass. I was scared of losing you and all we were doing was slipping away from each other. I know it's a dumb excuse, but it's true. I'm sorry. I'll apologize to the Mellark kid if you want me too."

"It's fine, Gale, don't worry about it." She mumbles against his jacket. "I'm sorry for not trying hard enough."

He squeezes her shoulders as they pull away from each other, and he sticks his hand out in front of him for her to shake. "Are we friends?" He asks. She smiles and nods as she shakes it, and he squeezes her fingers in the reassuring way he always used too. "Good. Since it's my birthday on Wednesday, I'm having a party. You should come." In all honesty, she'd forgotten all about his birthday. "I want to beat you at poker again. And force you to eat pineapple pizza."

Katniss' nose wrinkles with disgust at the thought of his pizza choice however she smiles at the idea of being invited. She rejects his offer purely because she knows that, even though she is fine with Gale dating Glimmer, it would hurt her feelings to see them together. And she wouldn't be able to bring Peeta. So there isn't much point to her attending at all. "I'll definitely get you a gift, though," Katniss says, "out of pure politeness, of course."

"Of course," Gale grins, "I'll think of something cheap and text you."

"Perfect." There's a moment of silence before Katniss adds: "Well, I'll see you whenever, Gale. I really am sorry; about everything." He shoves his hands into his pockets and nods, and she walks away feeling optimistic, even though it's odd to her that after days and weeks of not talking or arguing, the first civil conversation they have is about him dating somebody else. She doesn't understand it, but what does she have to complain about? Gale has reassured her that it is okay to date other people. She doesn't have to worry about him being jealous. It has all happened so fast that it takes a moment for her to remember where she stands.

Katniss isn't dating Gale anymore. After almost a year, they've broken up, and now he is dating Glimmer. She used to claim that she wasn't cheating on Gale due to a technicality, but now she understands that since she wanted to have sex with Peeta, that maybe she was. But she is free to date Peeta now if she wishes, and if of course, he wishes to date her, too.

But for some reason, it doesn't seem that simple. Katniss remembers her conversation with Peeta on their drive back from his art competition. How he yelled at her for not doing anything about his abusive mother and his inhospitable home life. Even though he later apologized and claimed he wasn't being serious or fair, she knows that he's right. Why didn't she step in? She can use the excuse that she barely knew him, but it's a poor one.

She wants to tell somebody. She does. She isn't sure exactly what is stopping her. Is it because she is so selfish that she is afraid of losing him, or is it because he is so close to college, which starts in merely a year, that removing him from his home would be pointless anyway? She isn't sure. She decides it is because she does not fully know the details, or who to go too. She doesn't know how bad things are.

When she gets home, she is surprised to see Effie in her living room, her son rolling around on the rug as if he is an annoying pet. Katniss drops her rucksack off her arm and goes to hug her and their arms wrap around each other. Effie squeezes her shoulder blades tightly before letting go. Prim sits cross-legged on the armchair, watching them both. She must have let Effie in. "Hi, Effie," Katniss says, feeling slightly awkward in her presence after how she opened up to her on the Saturday before. "What are you doing here?"

"I just popped by for a visit, darling," Effie says. Today, she has bright purple lipstick on her lips and artificial butterflies fixed into her styled pastel pink hair. If Katniss wasn't warming up to Effie, she'd have rolled her eyes. "I haven't seen Prim in what feels like a lifetime and I thought I would drop her off at practise after I was done talking to you."

"You want to talk to me?" Katniss asks, feeling slightly nervous.

"Only for a few minutes, sweetie," Effie says, and Prim takes this as her cue to leave. Mumbling something about getting ready, she clears the room in a matter of seconds, closing the door quietly behind her. Katniss gingerly sits down beside Effie on their small two-seater and Effie clasps both of her hands in hers. Katniss looks down at Effie's long fuchsia nails and then back to her face, which, though coated in make-up, looks genuinely worried and supportive. "I wanted to see if you had done anything yet – if you had spoken to Gale, or even Peeta."

On Saturday, Katniss hadn't spared any of the details. She'd spoken, through her tears, about everything. About how she lost her virginity to Gale, about Peeta's fight with Cato, about Peeta's abuse at home, about how she not only had sex with Gale but also with Peeta. About how she and Peeta had an agreement that she knows is no longer intact. Effie sat and listened whilst she talked, and after, she made a pot of tea and told Katniss what she already knew: that she should try and make things better between her, and to explain to Peeta how she felt.

So far, she has only managed to do one.

Katniss goes through her conversation with Gale and Effie looks pleased at their outcome. "That sounds great, dear. It's wonderful to know that you and Gale can resume a friendship after the sticky end to your relationship. What about Peeta; have you spoken to him yet about what to do about his... home situation?"

"Not yet," Katniss tells her. "I'm kind of nervous, though." She admits. "What if I make the wrong decision? I don't want to ruin his life, Effie. I'm stuck. If I don't help him, he's stuck there for the next year until he goes to college – and that's_ if_ he goes to college; but if I _do_ help him, yes, he will probably be removed from the bakery, but he'll be moved away from me. Is that selfish?"

Effie considers her question for a moment. Katniss is glad that Effie didn't just start immediately defending her, because then, Katniss would know that she was lying. "I'm not sure, Katniss," She admits. "I think you just want the best for everybody, including yourself, and I think you know that you can't do that, right, honey?" Katniss nods, wishing that she _could_ make sure everybody was okay, but knowing, deep down, that it is impossible. She can't help everyone. "Do you want my honest opinion?" Katniss nods again. "I think you should tell somebody. I don't think we should leave Peeta in there any longer."

Katniss sighs, suspecting that this would be the conclusion. She knows that Effie is right, though, so she doesn't object. "Okay," Katniss says, "tomorrow, then, I'll talk to him. And then I'll tell someone. I promise."

It is after school when she encounters Peeta, but it is in the bakery, as Katniss didn't see him on the way home from school. As she walks down the sloping path to the Mellark's front door, she wonders whether their roles have reversed. If _he_ is ignoring _her_ this time, instead of the other way round.

When Katniss enters the bakery, the bell rings above the door, and she sees that Peeta is already behind the counter with his apron on, chatting to Rye. They both stop abruptly when she enters, and there is an awkward, long silence as she approaches the counter. "Hey," says Rye, "Mellark's bakery; what can we help you with?"

Katniss drums her fingers against the counter before replying, "Can I please have a chocolate and a blueberry muffin?" She reaches into her rucksack for her purse, thinking that she can give the muffins to Prim, and as she pulls out several one dollar bills, her eyes briefly meet Peeta's, whose gaze drops immediately. She hands the money over and Peeta gets the muffins out from behind the protective glass. He places them in a small, white paper bag, twists the top, and hands them over to her. Their fingertips don't touch.

"Thanks for stopping by," Peeta says.

She is on her way out, deciding that she will speak with Peeta tomorrow, before she turns around and asks, "Peeta, can I talk with you outside?" Rye looks a little baffled as he looks between his brother and Katniss but Peeta nods, wiping his hands on his apron as he hurries out after her into the front yard of the bakery. Katniss walks until she is stood by the old apple tree where they had their first real conversation, and she rests her hand on the bark, waiting for him to catch up with her.

"What'd you need, Katniss?" Peeta asks her, and she turns around to face him. His face is flushed as if he is embarrassed, and he runs a hand through his curls, waiting for her to answer. As she gets her thoughts together, Peeta rambles, "I don't even know why we still have this apple tree. I mean, it's dead. It hasn't produced an apple in years."

Ignoring him, she says, "I was talking to my old babysitter, Effie Trinket, yesterday. I was kind of getting advice from her, and you came up." He looks mildly intrigued, so she continues. "I was asking her what to do about something." She's not sure whether to tell him or not, in case he will be angry, but she decides too, because she can't bring up his abuse without it. "She's being giving me advice about what to do about you and Gale. I told her about your whole... pretty bad home situation." Peeta tenses but doesn't object. "Effie told me that I should do something to change it, but I'm not sure."

Peeta doesn't say anything for a few seconds, before enquiring, "Why are you unsure?"

"I guess I don't want to rush into anything I don't know is the right decision for you." Katniss admits. "I don't- I mean, I don't want to go and tell somebody if you think that you would be better off at the bakery. Do you know what I mean?" He doesn't answer. "I'll tell somebody if you want me too. I will. I just wanted to clear it with you first, in case you didn't want me to do anything about this. I don't know how bad it is."

"I'm going to college in the fall," Peeta says, "but I've decided that when I'm eighteen, I'm going to move out. I'll legally be an adult by then, and Breen has a place by his own college that he said I can crash at until I make some money of my own. I'm eighteen in March, so I only have five months left. I think I can wait until then."

Katniss is a little surprised by his plans. She has nothing planned. She knows that she probably won't leave the house anytime soon for Prim's sake and that she can't afford college. It's likely that she will get a job in a diner or something to make some money and maybe move out with Prim when she has enough savings to keep them both afloat. But admittedly, she hasn't thought much about what will happen to her after high school ends.

"Oh," Katniss says, her tone displaying her surprise. "You don't want me to say anything to anyone, then?"

"No, I think I'm good." Peeta shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at her expectantly, as if he is waiting for her to say something more. Katniss opens her mouth to add words she doesn't have, before her lips snap shut. "I'll head back into the bakery, then, alright?"

Katniss watches him stumble hurriedly back into the bakery, and as he slips through the bakery front door, she feels somewhat bewildered. Peeta was acting almost as if he didn't want to see her and she leans against the tree as she tries to work it out. She realizes that maybe everything he told her was bullshit just so she wouldn't go to somebody about his abuse, but is unsure. If he's lying, he's a good at it.

She spots Rye watching her through the window, so she walks away from the bakery and back towards her house, feeling a little bit dejected. She admits, as she walks, that she wanted for Peeta to open up to her like she did to Effie; however she finds that maybe she didn't enquire enough into his problems, and that he probably felt embarrassed that she had brought the topic up again. She wonders whether she should talk to the school counsellor, and see if he can talk to Peeta about his problems. But she can't find a way of explaining the situation to the counsellor without admitting that Peeta is abused, so she lets the idea go.

At home, she is greeted by Buttercup instead of Prim and finds that she has a text on her phone from her sister which tells her that Prim will be out with Rory at the mall. Katniss goes to make some pasta, and whilst she's cooking, her phone buzzes again. This time, Katniss' message is from Gale, who has decided that for his birthday all he wants is a t-shirt with a band on that Katniss doesn't recognize. She decides to go to the mall after school to find it the next day, and wonders whether she should invite Peeta along. Since she hates shopping, she shoots him a text asking if he wants to go, and whilst she waits for his reply, she dishes out the pasta into an old bowl and eats it cross-legged on the kitchen counter, listening to the radio. Just before Prim is expected to be home, Katniss' cell phone buzzes again.

**15:54 – Peeta: **_Sounds good. I'd drive but the car is going to be out with Dad tomorrow. Meet me at the bus stop outside of school ASAP after school finishes?_

**15:54 – Katniss: **_Great. See you then._

With a smile on her face, she switches off her cell, and tucks into her pasta.

* * *

As soon as school ends on the next day, a Wednesday, Katniss rushes off to the bus stop to meet Peeta. She gets there before him, and for a few minutes, she is stood watching Glimmer and a girl called Clove loudly chat on the sidewalk, lining up to be on the same bus as she and Peeta will be on. Katniss tries to listen to their conversation, but when she hears Gale's name, she makes the decision to ignore them. _It will be better_, she decides, _for me not to know_. _That way, I can't get jealous_.

Katniss spots Peeta heading towards her on the sidewalk so she meets him halfway. Without hesitating, she throws her arms around him, and he freezes for a moment before chuckling and wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Hey," He says. "You're happy to see me."

"I always am," She tells him, playfully slapping his shoulder, but she means it. She throws her arm around his shoulder and plants a kiss on his temple, like she occasionally does to embarrass Prim in front of her friends, but he looks pleased about it as they wait for the bus to show up. "I think we'll get a Starbucks first, yeah?"

"Sure," Peeta says. "What are we going to the mall for again?"

"I just need to get something for Gale's birthday." Katniss watches his expression as her sentence ends, but it stays mutual. At least he doesn't look pissed off that she is taking him on a trip to go and buy something for her ex-boyfriend. "I think I might get something for Prim, too. I need to start buying stuff for Christmas." She usually gets ready ahead of time so she can avoid the holiday crowds. "But that's it, I guess. What about you?"

"I don't need to get anything," Peeta tells her as the bus pulls up. "I just wanted to hang out with you."

The trip to the mall ends up being successful. After each of them down a Starbucks – Katniss insists on paying though Peeta attempts to beat her offers down – and Katniss finds the t-shirt that Gale wanted. She also gets him some badges she thinks that he'll like, and buys Peeta a pack of them, too, which makes him blush. After, Katniss buys several DVDs for Prim, some cat toys for Buttercup, and after some deliberation, Peeta suggests that she should buy her mother some nice shampoo or shower gel. She decides this is a good idea, and they leave the mall with Katniss' Christmas presents covered.

On their bus ride home, they are sitting in a peaceful silence next to each other on the bus whilst Katniss tries to figure out the calmest approach to suggesting he get some help for his situation at home. She decides to just go for it, because the more she delays asking, the more doubt will build in her belly. "I want to talk to you again about what I brought up at the bakery yesterday," She says, "because I'm not sure if I approached it right."

Peeta, confused, says, "I wasn't offended, if that's what you mean."

"I know you weren't." Katniss tells him. "I just think- saying you're going to move out when you're eighteen, was that just an excuse or an actual plan? I know we're coming close to the end of school and stuff, but I don't want you to... be in a place where you're not happy. I don't want you to be unhappy. Do you understand?"

Peeta claims that he does. "Thanks for worrying, Katniss, but I wasn't lying about moving out. I think that it'll go like I said – I'll crash on the couch over at Breen's until I can get some money together and then stay somewhere else whilst I'm at college. I think it'll work out well enough. I don't want you to... think too much into it. I'll be okay." He smiles at her, but she waits a few moments before weakly returning it. "I know that you're going to feel guilty if you're not going to do anything because of what I was saying on Friday. I was just pissed off. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it. I only have a few months until I leave the bakery. I'll be fine."

His attempt to reassure her fails, but she pretends like it has worked. She knows that no matter how hard she tries, she can't get him to admit what truly is happening at the Mellark's. But then she remembers Johanna.

Katniss knows, or at least suspects, that Johanna knows what happens behind closed doors at the bakery. From Johanna's watery eyes and mumblings, she knows that Johanna knows more than she does. She wonders whether she should somehow get into contact with her to ask, but it seems rude. Katniss has only met Johanna once. Wouldn't it be wrong to call her up and say something like: _Oh, hey, Johanna; just ringing to ask you whether Peeta gets beaten up at home. Call me back whenever._

But she wants too: to see whether Peeta is lying about his home situation being okay. And if he is, then she will tell someone. She has decided now.

"Hey," Katniss says, turning her body towards him and hoping that her voice is casual enough so he doesn't get suspicious. "Do you have a photo of me for my contact on your cell?" Peeta says he doesn't. "Can I take one now?" He hands his phone over immediately and she positions the phone as if about to take a selfie, however she quickly goes into his contacts and sends Johanna's number to her phone, babbling as she does so, "I've got to find a good setting or the photo will look shit!" Once the message has sent, she actually takes a picture with a random filter, and hands his cell back to him.

"Nice picture," He says sarcastically, looking down at the photo. Katniss has her tongue stuck out and her eyes crossed. "I'll cherish it forever."

"Do," Katniss says with a grin, but her stomach is in knots.

* * *

It is surprisingly easy to get Johanna to come over to Katniss' house. After one phone call, which lasts around three minutes, she has agreed to come over and talk about Peeta. It wasn't easy for Katniss to admit to Johanna that Peeta was the reason she wants to talk to her, but once Katniss has confessed it, she agrees immediately. It is obvious that Peeta's situation has played on Johanna's mind, too.

As soon as Johanna arrives at her house – wearing a t-shirt with the words 'Fuck that, fuck this, and fuck you' sprawled across the front – they waste no time in polite greetings or making drinks or anything like that. Johanna, as she pulls off her shoes and glares with dislike at Buttercup who hesitantly hisses at her, says, "I first found out when I went over to the Mellark's for the first time after Peeta and I had dated for about three months."

They head into the living room, and as soon as she sits down, Johanna resumes. "I knew that something was up from the way he was acting when I suggested we hang out at his place because over at mine we were getting the bathroom re-tiled. When we went in, his Mom was screeching at his brother Rye. As soon as she spotted Peeta, she started screaming at him. I backed out of the doorway but I still saw. She kind of grabbed hold of him, like this-" Johanna grips hold of the collar of her own t-shirt, "- and smacked him on the side of the head with a rolling-pin. It wasn't hard, but enough to shake him up."

"Was that all that you've seen?" Katniss probes.

"I saw stuff each time I went over, which, admittedly, was only maybe a dozen times. It was either an actual hit or just general verbal abuse, but I didn't really know how bad it was until Peeta told me himself." Johanna says. "I didn't even ask him to confess. He just told me when we were driving to the movies one time. He just spilled it all out. He told me about this time where his Mom knocked him out by slamming his head against the kitchen table. They were crazy, the stories he had. He said them as if they were the most normal things in the world."

Katniss is curious about his stories, but she finds she doesn't actually want to know. They will just make her feel worse. "Do you think we should do something?" Katniss asks, and Johanna's usually hardened expression softens as she considers Katniss' question. "I mean, do you think we should tell somebody?" When Johanna doesn't answer, Katniss adds, "Why didn't you, when you were dating?"

Johanna's narrow shoulders jerk once up and down; a lop-sided shrug. "I don't know," Johanna admits with a grimace. "I guess a lot of people have failed him, haven't they?" Katniss looks down at the carpet to avoid Johanna's burning glare. After a long silence, she continues. "I think we should. Let's just get this shit done because I've thought about it for too fucking long, you know? Let's just do this shit."

"But who do we tell?" Katniss asks.

"Maybe the cops?" Johanna suggests.

"How would you even get into contact with them?" Katniss says. "Call 911? Or just show up at the station? I don't know. Maybe the cops aren't the best idea." She thinks for a moment. "I'm gonna tell my school counsellor. I've never been to him before, but he'll know what to do. He could probably talk to Peeta, too."

Johanna's dark eyes find Katniss' as she asks, "But is this the right thing to do? He insists upon the fact that he is fine. Maybe we should just leave it. He might be okay. I don't want to fuck up his life. I don't want to be responsible for that."

Katniss knows that she could lose Peeta by telling someone about his abuse, but isn't it worth it if he is safe? She knows what is right. That she needs to do this so he will be okay. But the doubt lingers in her chest. He says that he is fine. But she doesn't truly believe him. So she takes a deep breath and replies, "No, this is the right thing to do."

Johanna nods. "Thanks, Katniss." Her expression shows that the words pain her a little, as if she doesn't usually thank people, which Katniss suspects is true. Katniss doesn't reply, but they smile feebly at each other, united in the fact that they both want the best for him, despite the only thing they have in common being the fact that they have both shared a bed with Peeta Mellark.

* * *

Katniss hovers outside of the counsellor's office for a long time. It is long enough for her first class to start and finish without her. It is long enough for her for four students to enter the room, after giving her an odd look, and long enough for four students to leave. After the last one looks embarrassed as he stumbles away from the door, hoping that his friends won't see him, Katniss takes a deep breath, and enters.

It is harder than Katniss expected it would be to confess to the school counsellor, Beetee Latier, what Peeta's situation is. Their conversation is spasmodic and awkward, as Katniss cuts off her sentences almost as soon as they start, her cheeks flushing from embarrassment. _Is this even worth it? _She thinks, every time she attempts to repeat what she has failed to say. _Will this even benefit Peeta at all?_

Beetee is a quiet, jerky man, who looks under his glasses at Katniss as she talks and does little to contribute to the conversation. Often, in the silences, Katniss just begins talking again, a new reason to why they need to help Peeta popping up in her mind. Because he deserves it is her first argument, and because it's unfair for him to be there is her second. Her third revolves around how kind he is, and she begins talking about all of the nice things he has done for her, not caring about the fact that maybe Beetee doesn't need to know. When she is finished, her face is red as if she has been running, and she sits back in her seat, drained.

After a short silence, Beetee sets his glasses onto the table and leans back in his chair to observe her. She shifts awkwardly under his gaze.

"You care about Peeta Mellark, don't you?" Beetee enquires, and Katniss nods. There's no point in lying. She _does_ care about him, an awful lot. "I'm glad you talked to me, Katniss. Thank you for expressing your concern for Peeta. I'll be sure to ask him whether he wants to come in for a session."

Katniss is confused. "That's all you're going to do?" She asks, and Beetee frowns a little. "You're not- you're not going to call the cops or, like, I don't know... do something _better_? All you're going to do is_ talk_ to him?"

"That's the plan, yes," Beetee says. "You've already said that Peeta said he didn't need help, so we can either show him he does need it, or allow him to be in control of the situation. He's almost an adult now, Katniss. He can make his own decisions."

"This is bullshit." Katniss snorts.

"_This_ is the system." Beetee says. "And I personally don't think the authorities are the right way to go. I think we should allow Peeta to make his own decisions. By showing him his options, he can evaluate how bad things are at home. If he does decide to take action, then I can contact a social worker, and we can see how his living situations are. If he doesn't, that's okay. When he's eighteen, he has plans to leave, you said, so he should be fine." Katniss gawps at him with sheer disbelief. "I _will_ talk to him, Katniss," Beetee adds, "but for now, this is the best I can do. I'm sure we will resolve this."

Katniss leaves the office feeling even more annoyed than she was when she went in. Frustrated with everything – Beetee, herself, Peeta, the system – she releases an angry growl and slams her fist against a nearby locker. She whimpers when she pulls her hand away. Her fingers throb.

Her day worsens on her journey home. Just as she is passing the field where Prim plays soccer, Peeta overtakes her, and stands in front of her on the sidewalk so she can't pass. His jaw pumps as he asks her, "Did you go to the counsellor today?" And he knows by her guilty expression that she did. "Oh, fuck." He ruffles his hair with one hand whilst his other curls into a fist, and her belly, already in a horrible knot, tightens as she awaits his reaction. After some exasperated noises, he asks her, "Why did you, Katniss?"

"I-" For a moment, all of Katniss' reasons disappear before she remembers them all again. "I felt like I had too, Peeta. I don't want you to suffer. And I only spoke to him to see what else we could do, which is apparently nothing, so." Still a little pissed off, she aims a lopsided kick at a small rock on the sidewalk, and misses. She feels Peeta staring at her, and avoids his gaze. "Me and Jo, we thought that-"

"Wait - you and _Jo_?" Peeta cuts her off with disbelief, and Katniss freezes. "What do you mean: you and _Jo_? What the- you've talked to _Johanna _about me being _abused_? I don't- how did you even get her _number_?"

Since she can't conjure up a lie, she confesses. "I went on your phone and got it." Peeta's eyes widen and he makes another loud noise of disbelief. "I'm sorry!" She says, and as he tries to walk away, she grabs hold of his sleeve and pulls him back. "No, Peeta, please," He glares at her, but she doesn't see any hatred behind the stare. He feels betrayed, though, and she knows it. "I'm so sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry. But I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to see you being-" She cuts herself off.

_I love you, _she says, over and over again in her head. _I love you. I don't want to see you hurt. I'm sorry. I love you._

But she doesn't voice her thoughts. How can she, when he looks at her with an expression mingled with mistrust and pain? She watches as he rubs his mouth and says, "I told you I was fine. Over and over again, I told you." He sighs heavily. "That's why that Beetee guy called me into his office, then. He told me that a student had expressed concern about me, and I've never told anybody else about..." His voice drifts off.

"Are you mad at me?"

Peeta considers her question. "Yeah," He decides, "I am."

"I'm sorry," She repeats feebly. "I didn't do it to hurt you; I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"Katniss, I told you, I'm fine." He takes several steps backwards in the direction of the bakery. "Sorry." He says, and she doesn't know why he's apologizing until he walks away.

* * *

_The last chapter of 'Candles' will be up next week!_

_Thanks so much for reading and reviews make my day better!_


	7. that boy

_Thank you so much for clicking 'next chapter' and this is the last chapter in my story Candles! I have had a general idea of how I have wanted this chapter to go since the start of this story however I've only just finished it so I hope you are all pleased with how it ends. Once again, your reviews were so nice to read and I hope I replied to all of you. Thanks!_

_Sadly, I don't own anything to do with The Hunger Games!_

* * *

**December**

THE SNOW LOUDLY crunches under Katniss' boots as she passes her and Gale's old meet up boulder and she tosses a glance in its way, thinking that this time last year, Gale would be beside her. She zips up her jacket when the snow begins to fall again and puts her hood up, trying not to look back at the bakery, because if she did, she might be tempted to run inside and ask what is going on with Peeta.

Three weeks previously, in November, a social worker had shown up at the Mellark's. Peeta had not forgiven Katniss for going to the counsellor, but she had not given him the chance too; out of sheer shame, whenever she saw him, she would hurry off. She wondered each time as she hid whether he wants to speak to her, or if he hates her. She really hopes it isn't the latter.

Katniss had heard from Rye in a hushed, quick conversation over the Mellark's bakery counter that the social worker had apparently been tipped off by someone in the neighbourhood that there were problems in the home. Since Katniss didn't call the social workers, she suspects that maybe Beetee, Effie or Johanna did. Whatever happened, whoever called – Peeta was removed from the premises a week ago, and now lives with Breen near Breen's college in Texas. Rye was able to stay at the bakery since he is over eighteen.

She remembers the day that Peeta was taken away from the Mellark's, because even though she had no idea that it was the day he was being removed, she heard his Mom screaming from down the street. Katniss had rushed to watch from the top of the bakery path, and she saw Peeta calmly walking to the social worker's shiny silver car, with his mother bellowing behind him, her face a bright red. Peeta, as he climbed into the vehicle, did not look back.

Katniss hasn't seen Peeta since he was removed. Yesterday, when she went to buy some muffins for Prim, she asked Rye how he is. "I have no idea," Rye had hissed back, in case his mother had heard. "Mom is still mad, though. I don't know what's going to happen to her." Katniss knows that there is probably a chance that Mrs Mellark will be charged with child abuse or something along those lines, but since Peeta has been gone, she hasn't heard anything about it.

Katniss makes it home without bolting back to the Mellark's and takes her boots off in the porch so she doesn't bring too much snow into the house. When she gets inside, Prim is with some friends in the living room. She can hear them hooting and laughing, so she decides not to disturb them. Katniss goes upstairs instead, and throws herself onto her starry duvet, gazing up at the ceiling and thinking of Peeta, and only of him.

She hopes that he is okay, and that he doesn't think that she was the one that caused the social worker to come, even though she fears she is. She knew that by going to Beetee it was extremely likely that he would take action, but now she regrets going to him. Now, she thinks that maybe it wasn't a good idea. She should have listened to Peeta when he said that he was okay. But she was afraid of him being hurt. And now she has probably destroyed him completely.

Katniss smothers her face into her pillow, feeling horribly lonely. The only person she wants to talk to right now is Peeta, and she doesn't know how to get into contact with him. Every call she's made to him goes straight to his voicemail. She hasn't slept alone in a month, and her bed feels lonely without him. She's gotten too familiar to the warmth of his body beside her in the dark.

Eventually, she drags herself out of bed, forces herself to shower and to stop being so down. She has helped Peeta get out of his abusive home – shouldn't that be something to triumph in, not to be sad about? She misses him, sure, but he is better off being away from here. That way, he can't get hurt and she can't get hurt, either.

* * *

The next day is the day they break off for the holidays, but she gloomy on her walk home. She buys some muffins just as an excuse to ask Rye about Peeta, to see whether Rye has talked to him or not, but when she gets inside, Mr Mellark is behind the counter instead. Katniss buys the food anyway and trudges home in the slush, her chest hurting.

_He's safe now_, she reminds herself. _You should be happy he's safe_. But she aches for him anyway.

She goes over to Gale's so she doesn't have to be alone, and they sit cross-legged on the floor together, eating toast like they used too with one of Gale's vinyl records in the player. Katniss has resumed having a friendship with her ex-boyfriend, which, though not as easy as it used to be, is much simpler than it was when she was in a relationship with him. At least now they can talk without Katniss worrying that he is going to bring up sex or anything else like that.

They sit in silence for a while, even after they've polished off the eight slices of toast Hazelle made for them, until Gale eventually asks, "How's Peeta?"

Since there is no kind of sarcasm or bitterness in his voice, she replies, "I don't know. I hope he's okay. I want to talk to him but he's got his phone switched off, or he's rejecting my calls." She knows that the latter is more likely. "I just want to talk to him, and let him know that..." Katniss doesn't finish.

Peeta's situation has been talk of the school but Gale knows basically as much as Katniss does about Peeta's current whereabouts, which is nothing. Though Katniss knows that Peeta is staying at Breen's she has no idea where Breen actually lives or where his college is. Gale looks at her for several seconds before saying, "Maybe you could talk to his family. See if they'll give you the address."

But Katniss shakes her head. "It's no use."

"Why isn't it any use? They might tell you."

"They won't." Katniss leans against Gale's bedpost, trying to ignore the fact that the last time she was here she was pinned underneath him on his duvet. She shudders a little at the thought. "But I want him here, with me. Does that make me selfish? That I would so much rather him be here and unsafe than away from me?"

"Yes." At least Gale doesn't lie to her. Honestly, that's why she trusts him. "I mean, you should be happy. He's not hurt. He's okay. He's with his brother."

Katniss never opened up to Gale about who she was cheating on him with, but he knows that recently she has been sleeping with Peeta. She told him whilst they were on the bus on their way to the mall one time to get something for Posy's birthday, which is only a few days after Gale's. He didn't seem annoyed by the fact that she was now sleeping with somebody else. She knows that he has probably guessed that it was Peeta she was cheating on him with, but so far, he hasn't brought the topic up. For this, she is grateful.

"I know that I should be happy." Katniss sighs. "I'm just _not_."

Gale sighs with her and sits next to her, both of them leaning against his bedframe. For a while, he looks at her, until he says, "You love him, don't you?" She doesn't have to respond for him to know that he's right. With another heavy sigh, he adds, "If you love him, then you need to tell him."

"I'm scared, though," She admits, "what if he doesn't love me back?"

"Then so what? You can move on with your life then. But whilst you know, or at least suspect that he feels _something_, you can't move on, can you? You'll just be thinking about him, all of the time." Gale says. "Just tell him, Katniss. What do you have to lose?"

Now Peeta is living with his brother, she finds that maybe she doesn't have anything to lose. If he rejects her, she won't see him anymore, but she doesn't see him anymore anyway. The idea is inviting to her. "I guess," Katniss says. "We'll see, anyway." The song that was playing ends, so Gale replaces the vinyl with a new one. "How's it going with Glimmer, anyway?"

"Okay," Gale replies. "She talks about Cato a lot. I think she wants to get back together with him, but I heard he's going out with somebody else. I dunno who." Gale settles back down beside her and says, "Love sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," She says with her mind on Peeta, "it does."

They look at each other, and weakly smile.

On her way home, she goes to the bakery and she's in luck; Rye is at the counter, and he ushers her over when she looks through the window, looking desperate to talk to her. She rushes in, and before she even says anything, Rye gives her an update. "I spoke on the phone to Peeta yesterday. He said he's not coming home yet, but he wants me to bring him some stuff on my next delivery out of town. If you want, you can come with me."

Katniss is slightly taken aback by Rye's generosity. Are all Mellark's, apart from their mother, like this? "Rye, thanks," She says, and he gives her a tense nod, looking a little bit embarrassed. "Did he say anything else?" She wants to ask whether he said anything about her, but she finds that it sounds rude, so she doesn't.

"Not really," Rye replies, wrapping up some muffins before she even asks for them. She has been at the bakery an embarrassing amount recently, just to get updates on Peeta, so the Mellark's know her usual order well. "Just that he was okay and that Breen's roommates are mean. Other than that, it was just about what he wanted me to bring." He hands over the muffins and shakes his head when she tries to give him money. Confused, she shakes the dollars at him, but he gently pushes her hand out of the way. "No; it's on the house. You've bought enough muffins by now to get some freebies." Once again touched, she doesn't object as she shoves the dollars back into her jeans pocket. "Will you come with me, then?"

"Of course," Katniss says, "I'll definitely go with you, one hundred percent." Though Katniss is unsure about how much Rye truly knows about her relationship with Peeta, it is obvious that he understands it is more than a friendship. If he didn't, then why would he offer to take her to see him? Rye must know that Peeta spends almost all of his nights in Katniss' bed. "When are you planning on going?"

"I'm going tomorrow," Rye tells her. "Come over here at nine, and I'll take you."

"Thank you." They awkwardly nod at each other. "I'll see you tomorrow, then," Katniss says, and he waves her goodbye as she exits the bakery. She leaves with the muffins held tightly to her chest, shaken by the sheer disbelief of the genuine kindness of the youngest Mellark sons. Katniss wonders where they got their compassion from because it is surely not from their parents.

* * *

When Katniss wakes up the next day, her first thought is: _I'm seeing Peeta today._

Her face breaks into a huge smile and she kicks the duvet off her body, gazing up at the ceiling and wondering what on Earth she is going to say to him. How she is going to confess her feelings to him when she has spent so many years cramming them down, because locked away, they can't hurt you. Katniss realizes that maybe this is how Peeta has probably felt all this time and she smothers her face into her hands.

_Oh, God, _she thinks. _What am I going to do? _Even though it is extremely unlikely, she fears that he will hate her. She knows that people like Peeta Mellark are hard to come by, and she is afraid that she has fucked everything up. _I need to show him that he's not alone. _Katniss knows that she needs to be there for him, because subconsciously, he's been there for her ever since this whole train wreck started. He deserves a shoulder to cry on. She knows that. So why did it take her so long to make sure that he was safe?

At breakfast, Prim is silent as she scoops cereal into her mouth. Katniss sits opposite her, glaring at Buttercup who sits proudly on the surface of the table. Their mother wails above them in her bedroom, and Katniss turns her glower to her bowl. "Maybe we should go to her." Prim whispers to her sister. "Maybe she'll be okay if we hug her or something."

"There's no point," Katniss snaps harshly. When it comes to her mother, Katniss is impatient, rude, and angry, because she is furious with the parents she turned out to have. "Hugging doesn't get rid of depression, Prim." They finish their breakfast in a ghostly silence, their mother crying above them, and for Prim's sake, and admittedly for her own, Katniss wishes she would stop and act like a real Mom for once. But then she remembers Peeta's mother, and decides that things could definitely be worse.

Katniss feels guilty for leaving Prim by herself with their mother however she is urgent to see Peeta. "You'll be alright, won't you?" She asks her little sister, who, to her question rolls her eyes and throws her arms around Katniss and squeezes tight. "I love you."

"I love you too." As she pulls away, Prim adds, "Say hi to Peeta from me."

Laughing at her sister's intuition, Katniss pulls on her shoes, and promises that she will.

The walk to the Mellark's is a cold one, and she repeatedly slips on the frost, hoping that the roads aren't as bad as the sidewalks. She shoves her hands into her pockets to warm them up, yawning as she walks. Unless she has school, she is never normally up this early. She thinks of Peeta, who once told her that sometimes, he is up at four in the morning to get the bakery ready for the day. Her head hurts even at the thought.

When she makes it to the bakery, Rye is waiting for her at the top of the path which leads down to the front door. "Hey," He greets her. She gives him a nod in return, still a little bit sceptical about his generosity, because after all, they do not know each other. The only times they've really ever spoken has been in the last few days, when she has been urgent for updates on Peeta. She finds it hard to trust people. She always has.

For the starting hour of the drive, Katniss looks out of the window at the insipid landscape, wondering what Peeta felt when he was driven past the same empty fields and boring roads- whether he felt betrayed, or excited, or alone or happy. Katniss also wonders what on Earth would feel if she was doing this journey under his circumstances: if she had been taken away from her family because Peeta had blabbed about his mother's depression. Katniss would be horrifically angry but only because of Prim. If Prim wasn't there, she doesn't think that she would care at all.

Katniss hopes that Peeta understands that she only blabbed because she was afraid of him getting hurt. He _has_ to understand.

She turns her head towards Rye, who has a cigarette between his fingers with his spare hand on the steering wheel. Since she is curious, Katniss asks, "How's your Mom doing? With Peeta being gone, I mean."

Rye takes a long drag and says, "She hasn't brought him up. We're all just acting like he was never there, which, unless she was beating him up, we already did." He is silent for a moment, the only noise the loud groaning of the engine. "The only person Peeta talked too was Dad, and he only spoke to me on occasion. He avoided Mom all together."

Katniss can't help but ask, "Why didn't you stop her, then? If you knew that it was happening, then why didn't you tell somebody?"

He looks at her as if she has offended him. "How can you ask me a question like that?"

"I don't see what's wrong with it." She admits. "I don't understand why you didn't try and stop it from happening. You were there, day after day, watching him being beaten up, and you didn't try to intervene, did you?" Rye doesn't answer, his jaw pumping, but she continues to study him until he glances at her. "Why didn't you?" She urges.

He opens his mouth, and then his lips shut again. "I guess..." His eyes narrow as he thinks and he looks at the road as an excuse not to look at her. "If I intervened, then she might target me, too." The desperation in his voice is plausible. It is obvious that the abuse rattled them all. _Why_, Katniss wonders, _did their Mom only attack Peeta and not his brothers_? "I didn't want him to go through what he did, but he had to, because I didn't want to get hurt myself."

"That's selfish," Katniss tells him. "You should have done something to stop her."

"Why the fuck do you think you have an opinion on this? Your parents are sane." Rye snaps.

"My Dad isn't even around and my Mom has depression." Katniss tells him.

"So does mine," He retorts, "so don't pull the 'I've got problems too' card because it won't work, not with me." After another long drag, Rye continues. "You're acting like you're Miss-Fucking-Perfect just because you saw some guy with polite concern about Peeta. You don't know what it's like to live in a house where everybody is afraid, all of the time. I didn't want to be a target. I'm sorry that I didn't help Peeta, but it doesn't make you a better person than me just because you did. You didn't live in that house. You _never have_ lived in that house. You went to whoever you went too because you had nothing to lose. Me – I have everything. Everything would have been at risk if I intervened. Do you understand?"

Katniss had to admit that she does. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good." Rye's eyes meet hers for a moment before going back to the road.

They get there at noon, and for a while, she is too nervous to leave the car. Rye has parked the car in the college parking lot, and he informs her that they still have a little while to walk. She shakes as she exits the vehicle, the rucksack slung on her shoulder. She closes the door behind her, resting her hands on the glass momentarily before rising to full height. Rye, who is peering at her curiously, asks, "Are you gonna puke?"

"No," She says, "I'm fine."

They walk in the direction of Breen's apartment together, but Rye is slightly in front of her. He glances back every couple of minutes, as if to check that she is still with him. She keeps her head down. It is obvious that Breen lives in an area packed with students; teenagers sit on the roofs, yelling down at Rye and Katniss below. Some walk past them in the street, and in the places that are unoccupied on the sidewalk, McDonald's wrappers and burnt out cigarettes lay discarded.

Rye seems to act as if he has been here around here before until Katniss realizes he is reading a list of directions from a small scrap of paper in his palm. He briskly leads her towards a small, three-floor apartment block and knocks at the door. They stand awkwardly on the front step, cramped on the concrete, and they give each other nervous glances as they listen to someone thump down the stairs. After a long rattling noise which sounds like keys sounds, the door opens, and Breen stands on the doormat in his boxer shorts and a large white t-shirt, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Katniss ducks her head again.

"Hey, man," Rye says. "Is Peeta here?"

"Course," Breen opens the door wider and Rye steps inside. After some hesitation, Katniss walks in after him. Even though Rye takes off his shoes, Katniss keeps hers on. For some reason, she doesn't feel safe here. It stinks of cigarette smoke and many jackets and beer cans are scattered on the floor. She can hear laughter, but it doesn't comfort her. She peers up the dank stairs. "Peeta is in my room." Breen tells her, before heading back into the living room. Rye follows him with a quick backwards glance in Katniss' direction, and then she is alone.

She guesses that Breen's room is up the stairs, so she hesitantly climbs the steps. It takes her several moments to reach the top, and when she does, she is relieved to find a door labelled with Breen's name almost immediately. Katniss pushes open the door and steps inside, finding that Breen's room is tiny, the walls covered in posters. The door can't even be pushed to hit the wall; it gets blocked by the bedside table on its journey.

Peeta is asleep. His head is turned to the side, half of his head in the pillow, with his belly on the mattress and his back to the ceiling, his feet stretched out and his arms by his face. He is wearing shorts, despite the weather being anything but warm, so Katniss can see his prosthetic. Peeta mumbles something incoherent and he briefly stirs, but remains asleep, his eyelids quivering as he dreams.

"Peeta," She says gently. When he doesn't wake up, she closes the door behind her and lays down beside him in the semi-darkness. He subconsciously snuggles closer to her and her hand gingerly reaches out and runs down the surface of his thick blond curls. Katniss strokes his hair, watching his chest rise and falter with each of his deep breaths. Peeta looks so much like a child when he sleeps, and she can't believe that she has never noticed it before. His puckered lips and fluttering eyelids make him seem like a toddler.

After a few minutes, his eyes slowly open, and he blinks slowly several times before his pupils swell at the sight of her. "Katniss," He mumbles groggily, and then, as if remembering their last conversation, he leaps out of bed so fast you would think that it was on fire. "What are you doing here?" He demands. The peaceful expression he had on his face as he dreamt has been wiped away and replaced with anger. "Katniss, I-" He cuts himself off.

"I came to explain everything to you." She says desperately. "It wasn't me. I don't know who got you removed from the bakery, I really don't, but it wasn't me, I promise you." He looks at her, his eyes scanning her face for any signs of deceit or lies, but he finds none. "I swear, Peeta." She says. "I honestly didn't. I'm so sorry."

He sighs heavily, and awkwardly perches on the mattress. She so badly wants to touch him, but resists. "Then who did?" Peeta looks at her, and he knows by her expression that Katniss doesn't have any idea. "I just don't understand. Why were you avoiding me in the weeks before I was removed? I just..."

"I think I'm just a really, really bad communicator." She says the words seriously, but Peeta snorts. "What's so funny?"

"That's a bit of an understatement," Peeta says. "You're a fucking terrible communicator. I don't think I've ever heard you express an emotion without spending at least three days mulling it over." Since this is true, Katniss doesn't retort. Peeta rubs his face with his hands and leans back on the bed so his head thumps against the headrest. "I don't know how I feel about this entire thing." He removes his hands to look at her. "How's my family?"

She doesn't want to tell him that they've been pretending that he doesn't exist, so she lies instead and says, "They're okay, Peeta." Katniss studies him as he sighs once again and rubs his eyes. She can see the anger slowly washing away. He has never been one to hold a grudge.

"I just feel really betrayed." He says. "You know that, don't you?" She nods. "But since you did it with my interests at heart, I can't really be mad at you, can I?" Katniss doesn't know whether to respond, so she doesn't. "I don't know what to feel. I'm kind of conflicted."

At least he is open with his feelings. That's something that Katniss has always struggled to do. She has no idea what to say, so she mumbles, "Okay." As she waits for him to start talking again, she starts to think about how this all started, and how different her life would be if it hadn't. She would probably still be with Gale, engaging in awkward sex. Katniss can't help but feel at least a little pleased with the way things have gone. After all, she has saved Peeta from behind abused by this agreement.

And then, the agreement – why did he agree to it? It is a question that she has thought about often, but has never brought it up to him because she has been afraid of causing an argument, but since they are already kind of having one, she considers asking him. But he says before she can: "I'm glad to be out of the bakery, but for some reason, I prefer it there than here. My Mom, when she wasn't there... it was nice. I liked it. I liked working there. But whenever she was, it was Hell. So in a way, you saved me. So I can't be mad about that."

He's thinking it through logically, which helps her think it through logically, too. She's just grateful that he isn't mad at her, or that if he still is, he is being calm and not shouting at her. Whilst they are both silent, she asks, "Why did you agree to have sex with me and start this?" He looks at her as if he doesn't understand. "I'm not blaming you. I sounded like I was blaming you, I didn't mean too. I just mean... why did you say you would do this agreement, Peeta? I've been trying to work it out, but I can't."

"I..." His voice drifts off, and he swallows hard. "I've been trying to work it out, too" He admits, and her eyebrows knit together with confusion. "I mean I just..." He sighs. "I don't really know. Whenever I see you... it makes me happy. I feel happy when I'm around you. When you're gone, I feel alone. Do you understand?"

She nods.

"I guess that's why I agreed to do it. I wanted to make you happy. I always do." Peeta gives a tiny cough. "But of course it did the opposite of that. I guess I knew it would, deep down. I wanted to be close to you; even if it wasn't real. I didn't have any idea what you felt back. I still don't. I don't know whether you felt that way too. I was happy being your... teacher, even if it was only a couple of times." He sighs again. "I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I never really blamed you. You just cared. I should have realized that. Sorry for storming away from you that day. That was a really shit thing of me to do, especially to someone that I don't want to hurt."

"What do you mean, Peeta?" Katniss urges. She just wants him to say it, because she suspects that he feels the same way. Her heart flutters excitedly in her chest, hopeful and excited. In a faint voice, she adds, "Tell me what you mean."

He looks at her, his face conflicted before heavily sighing and admitting, "I love you. I always have. I always will. Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I just don't want you to feel as if you are inclined to feel that way back. As if you have to... say anything. I just kinda had to tell you. Because if I didn't, then I don't know how long I would have been waiting for the chance." He looks down at her, and she can see how nervous he is. His fingers shake a little. "I'm just..." He sighs. "I'm no Gale Hawthorne, am I?" He gives a panicky laugh.

"No, you're not," She says, "you're better."

She meets his lips again, and for a moment, he doesn't respond. And then, as if in the embrace he has realized that she feels exactly the same way, his tongue finds hers and they are kissing so furiously it is as if they are about to be torn apart. As if they are urgent to kiss as much as they can in a small amount of time. His hands slip up the back of her t-shirt, just to feel the warmth of her skin against his palms. "I love you." She mumbles, over and over again against his lips. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, Peeta. I love you."

Katniss wonders when the last time he heard that was. From his reaction, which is relieved and blissful, she assumes it has been a long time. "This is so fucked up." Peeta murmurs against her mouth. "A one-legged child abuse victim falls in love with his sex student." They both laugh a little because the way he phrases it _does_ sound as if it is crazy. He plants another slow kiss against her lips. "We've had a crazy couple of months, haven't we?"

"They've been pretty crazy," Katniss agrees with a smile, before her lips droop. "Do you know what is going to happen with your Mom?"

"I don't want to think about it," He tells her. "Whatever happens, happens. I don't really want to think about it anymore. I just want to think about you." She smiles a little. "You'll allow it?" He asks.

"I'll allow it," She confirms, before kissing him again.

* * *

**1 year later.**

* * *

Their worst day was a day in March, two days after Peeta's birthday, when Peeta's Mom was in court for child abuse. Peeta held Katniss' hand so tightly it felt like it would crush into pieces, and she clung to his shirt sleeve, praying that everything would turn out okay. The hardly publicized case ended with his mother pleading not guilty and claiming she is insane, which Peeta, after the court case ended, admitted may be true. She was not convicted, and though Katniss was angry, Peeta was not. She sobbed into his shirt on their taxi ride home, and he held her against his chest as she wept, as if it was her mother that had been on trial, not his.

She is now on treatment for depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, and Peeta has forgiven her too quickly for Katniss' liking. But since Katniss lives with someone with mental health issues, she tries to understand Peeta's forgiveness, and tries to direct some of that energy in her Mom's direction, but so far, Katniss' feelings towards her mother haven't changed. Honestly, she doubts they ever will.

Their best day was a day in October they were reunited after Peeta left for college. She hadn't seen him for three weeks, as he was settling down, and then, Johanna drove her up to his dorm where they made out in front of all of Peeta's new friends. Katniss, who was never a fan of PDA before, found that maybe she could adjust to it. It did feel oddly empowering to kiss her boyfriend in front of his new best friends, who she now knows to be called Finnick Odair and his girlfriend Annie Cresta. They then spent the rest of the day watching movies with his new friends and ended the day with a tearful kiss goodbye.

Katniss has now gotten into the habit of visiting her boyfriend every two weeks, with Johanna offering her a ride each time. She knows that she probably should get her license sometime soon but hasn't yet found a reason why she should. She likes hanging out with Johanna for a couple of hours every week. Johanna makes her laugh.

As Katniss climbs into Johanna's car, Johanna's voice asks, "On a scale of a millisecond to a minute, how quickly is Peeta going to get balls deep in your ass?" Katniss winces with disgust as she slams the door shut behind her before playfully shoving Johanna's shoulder. "Two weeks is a long time, Everdeen. He'll have plenty of pent up energy."

"He's not a dog, Jo." Katniss reminds her as she puts her seat belt into place.

"No, but he fucks like one." Johanna winks as she starts up the car and Katniss rolls her eyes with a knowing smirk.

As soon as Peeta and Katniss declared their feelings for each other last December, their relationship took a dramatic shift, and after a couple of dates where they did actual normal things like bowling and meals out, they decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. The positive reception from the school amazed her, and even though the bullying towards Peeta didn't stop until their graduation, their final year of high school ended on a high note, and both of them graduated with good grades. Peeta got accepted into his college of choice, Katniss started a low-paying job at a diner, and since, life has been generally good. They can't complain.

So when Peeta announced to her that he had gotten into his college of choice, a part of her really wanted him to sense the fact that she wanted him to stay. Of course, she wanted him to be happy – that's all Katniss wants – she also wanted him to stay with her, always. But realizing she was being horribly selfish, she screamed and laughed with him when he flung his arms around her, swallowing hard on the lump in her throat and deciding that sometimes, if you love something, you have to let it go.

Another dramatic shift in their lives has been the closing down of the bakery. With Peeta's Mom on heavy medication, Rye moving into Breen's place and Peeta going to college, Mr Mellark was left alone, and decided to sell the building onto a family who have plans on converting it into a house. Every time Katniss walks past, more of the Mellark's is stripped away, and soon, it will be as if it never existed. She can't decide whether she is happy about that or not.

Their drive is a long one, but Johanna somehow manages to keep the conversation going no matter what the topic. Katniss is constantly amazed by Johanna's social abilities, because for someone so playfully rude and sullen, she has heaps of friends. To be honest, Katniss is a little jealous. Why can't _she_ be mean and hostile and still have a social life?

Just before they pull up into the college parking lot, Johanna's phone buzzes, and she squeals excitedly that it is a text from Gale. Katniss rolls her eyes, though she is secretly pleased, because after a long run of useless relationships and girlfriends, Gale seems to genuinely like Johanna, despite the fact that they have only been dating for a few weeks. Johanna, acting out of character, holds the phone to her chest with a beaming smile. Katniss hopes that Gale doesn't break her heart.

"Say hi to your sex monkey for me," Johanna says with a grin as Katniss climbs out of the car.

"Will do," Katniss replies, before closing the car door behind her.

Katniss knows her way to Peeta's dorm well. Despite this, she spots him waiting for her by the grassy spot near his dorm building, and she runs towards him. When she is close enough, she jumps so she is straddling him, and they kiss. He stumbles a little on his leg and they end up in the grass, with Katniss on top of him, but they begin kissing again with barely a second missed. Somewhere above them, they hear a wolf-whistle, and Katniss looks up to see Finnick Odair, shirtless, beaming down at them from his dorm window with Annie in a towel beside him. They both wave down at her, and she waves back before looking down at her boyfriend underneath her. "Hey," Katniss grins.

"Hey," Peeta says back, "how has your past two weeks been?"

"They've been horrible," She tells him, "I missed you." She rises and helps him to his feet, and kisses him again. Applause sounds above them, and they both look up again to see Finnick and Annie still hanging out of their window frame, cheering. "Perverts!" She shouts with a grin, and they both laugh.

"It's lovely to see you again, Miss Everdeen," Finnick calls from his window. A group of students pass, and all squeal at the sight of the gorgeous Finnick Odair hanging out of his window with dripping wet hair and bare chest. "Try to keep it down tonight, yeah?"

Peeta's cheeks flush with embarrassment as both Annie and Finnick guffaw but Katniss rolls her eyes, entwines her fingers with Peeta's, and whispers, "No promises." in his direction.

They decide to go out for dinner and they end up in a tiny Italian place by Peeta's college. For most of the meal, she sits back and listens to him talk about his new life on campus, which sounds exciting as he has a new story every time she visits him. She's a little wistful as he giggles his way through a story about Finnick skateboarding down a stair railing and she wishes that _she_ was going to college. Even though Peeta insists that the homework is tough and he is often up until the early hours studying, to Katniss, college life sounds a lot more exciting than her life at home, because recently all she has been doing is hanging out with Madge and Delly, working at the diner, and counting down her days until she sees Peeta again.

"Enough about me," Peeta concludes, "how's back home? How's Prim and everyone else? I feel as if I haven't seen them in forever." Since Peeta left for college, he has only been home a couple of times, and that was always to Katniss' house, not his own, which now no longer exists. His home is his dorm, until he gets an apartment with Finnick and Annie next year. His Dad lives in a studio apartment a couple of miles away from Katniss' place, and Peeta hasn't visited it yet. She obviously hasn't, either.

"Prim's good." Prim is now dating Gale's brother Rory, a development which baffles but pleases her, as honestly, it was a curveball that appeared from nowhere. Whenever Prim and Rory go out to the movies or something, Katniss waits anxiously by the window until they return. She can't help but mother her, because nobody else ever has. "I keep walking past the bakery and I can't believe it has closed."

"I know," Peeta says as he chews on his spaghetti, "it's crazy, right? It's going to be weird seeing it all gone. It's like all of those memories will be destroyed." Their eyes briefly meet for a moment before their gazes fall to the table. Katniss wonders whether his latter sentence is good or not, but decides not to ask. Bringing up his abuse is never a good thing to do; not in case he gets angry, which he never does, but because he always looks ashamed, and it hurts Katniss badly because she knows that whatever happened in that building was not his fault. That he was targeted because he was the weakest of the witch's sons. "How's Gale and Johanna? Are they still going strong?"

"Yeah," Katniss says, "it's really nerdy. You should see Johanna's face when she gets a text from him. Gale talks about her as if she is the most amazing person on the planet, it's so cute. It's almost like she has a soul."

Peeta laughs a little and says, "What a shocker." He pauses for a moment before meeting her eyes. "I'm glad she's found somebody, it's nice. It's good for Gale, too. I guess everything worked out pretty well in the end, didn't it?"

Katniss has to admit it has. Gale is with Johanna. Even if it doesn't last very long, for now, they are both happy, and so is Katniss. Peeta's Mom is on pills to control her anger issues, and since Peeta has forgiven her, no hard feelings are left apart from the natural resentment Katniss feels in her direction, because in her opinion, a mental illness is no excuse for her abuse. Peeta thinks differently, though, so she tries to let the angry feelings go. Rye now lives with Breen and Peeta is occasionally emailed updates on their lives, and of course, Katniss and Peeta are together.

And even her first problem has been resolved, too. She now feels pretty experienced at sex.

On their short walk back to the dorm, Peeta gives Katniss a piggy back, and he runs down the street, rather wonkily due to his leg, as she squeals. He spins her round, sets her back onto her feet, and kisses her under the Christmas lights of a nearby store. Her hands slip around the back of his neck and he wraps her arms around her waist, squeezing her tightly, pulling her body so it is pushed against his. A gang of men pass and one of them wolf-whistles, but Katniss and Peeta ignore him, resuming their kissing as if they have not seen each other for years.

They've planned that Peeta will come over to the Everdeen's for Christmas. This is Peeta's last night at college until next year, and most of the people in his dorm have already gone home to their families for the holidays. The only people actually left in his dorm are Finnick and Annie who are only staying tonight so they can sleep together for one last time without the risk of their parents interrupting them. Katniss doesn't blame them.

It begins to snow on their way back to campus. Christmas is definitely on its way. Peeta puts his arm around her shoulders and she rests her head against his bicep. She can't believe that she is going to have Peeta with her for a whole three weeks; three weeks of Christmas festivities, of drunken kisses and parties, of him sleeping beside her in bed like he used too. She tells herself that if she listens carefully, she can hear the steady beat of his heart, just like she used too when they were under her duvet together, giggling in the darkness. The fact that all of that is so close makes her almost giddy with happiness.

"It should be a fun Christmas, huh?" Peeta says, as if he has read her thoughts.

"Yeah," Katniss replies, thinking of the fact that Peeta will have a family, even if broken and strange, to spend it with, "it should be great."

They make it back to Peeta's dorm room, and on their way, they pass Finnick and Annie entwined on the small couch near the kitchen everyone in the dorm shares. Finnick has his forehead against her temple, and neither of them looks up as they pass. Katniss looks back at them as she is lead into Peeta's room, wondering how they got together. For some reason, she wishes she knew.

Lately, other people's relationship stories have been interesting to listen too. She likes to hear that people can genuinely be in love, and that it isn't something that has just been made up for the purpose of songs or movies. That she isn't the only one that feels this way. She likes to hear that other people are as happy, too. So Finnick and Annie's story interests her. She makes a mental note to ask them in the morning.

Katniss has never felt so many feelings of happiness and love at once. There is her sisterly love for Prim. Her vague, unexplainable affection for her mother which she has to admit is there, but maybe only because of the fact that she has lived with her for eighteen years. Katniss' love for Gale, which she thought wasn't there, but she loves him like she loves Delly and Madge. Her love for Peeta's new friends, who she knows are friends with him because they genuinely like him, not to mock him.

And of course, her head-over-heels feelings for Peeta, which is the strongest love she has ever experienced, maybe apart from Prim. She never expected to feel this way. She never expected to truly have explored every single possible realm of love, but she has. He is everything she needs and wants in a human being. Peeta Mellark is everything that she strives to be: loving, caring, forgiving and nice.

When they go into Peeta's room, for a reason neither of them can explain, they both begin to giggle, and he twirls her around by her hand as if they are dancing before kissing her again.

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading my story Candles and I hope you all have enjoyed it! It's the first fan fiction I've ever finished and the response has been so wonderfully positive. I have been thinking of ideas for my next story and, as soon as I have the plot properly outlined and I have done some research to make it generally accurate, I will begin writing it. If you follow me as an author you'll get a notification for when it's out!_

_Ah, I don't want to let this story go. Thanks for reading, guys. If you could review that'd be great!_


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